# How Do You Deal With Discrimination From Your Own Family?



## rbamrah (Jan 29, 2011)

I wasn't sure where to put this thread so if it needs to be moved please do so 


As some of you already know, I was born into a Christian family and discovered Sikhism through my husband. I had never had a close relationship with Christianity but my being Sikh has drawn the disapproval of my family. Every time I turn around I am being cornered by them into explaining my beliefs or else being guilted into feeling bad for _them._ I refuse to sacrifice my faith for their peace of mind and I've told them as much but it does not pacify them. Just this morning I overheard my parents discussing my, "eternal damnation" and ways to bring me, "from the dark side to the light side" (has this become Star Wars??). I am as nice and gentle as I can be about this with them but it's honestly weighing on me as a burden. I feel sad that they cannot accept me without judgement but I don't know that I can handle all of this stress they're putting on me anymore. 

How do you deal with discrimination from your own family?


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## badshah (Jan 29, 2011)

Yeah, I have a lot of Jehova witness that knock on my door and they just keep on saying that you can only find God through Christ, even if you tell them you believe in God

I think some religious people are way to infused in the notion that only through their path (mesenger) can you find God

Maybe you could tell them that you still belive in God but have just taken a different route of getting their and that should be happy that you belive in God and not in Satin


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## Ambarsaria (Jan 29, 2011)

rbamrah ji sorry to hear about your difficulties.

I do believe there are perhaps some things that one could think of or do that may be helpful and you perhaps may have tried some of these before, so apologies.


You need to ignore with respect and it may difficult however you have to,
Recognize that the family's actions are due to one of the following,
Their love for you.  They will not stop loving you no matter what while externally they may not show it.  I have not met a mother whose heart does not jump at the cry of a child, injury of a child or sickness of a child.  The father's have the same feelings but these are less expressed.
 
 
You need to differentiate between "talk" and "living"
You are living.
Others (even family) are talking about your living.
Talk is less important than living so respectfully ignore it.
 
 
Another practical way is to count the number of hours this interaction is active.  It is likely on your mind longer but think if you meet with them once a week for 3 hours.  Then I will say from this example 3 hours a week.  Just assess in this context and keep it within such scope.

Devise through your own mind and others you love to handle such span of time and such events in a positive way.
Basically time management.
Problems become much smaller or get right sized if you think this way.
 
 
 
Smile, it is contagious, it may feel odd at the beginning but it will catch up!
I write above without any dis-respect for your family as it is always difficult to handle situations that one is not comfortable with regardless of the reasons being right or wrong.

All the best.

Sat Sri Akal.


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## Adi Nanaki (Jan 29, 2011)

rbamrah said:


> I wasn't sure where to put this thread so if it needs to be moved please do so
> 
> 
> As some of you already know, I was born into a Christian family and discovered Sikhism through my husband. I had never had a close relationship with Christianity but my being Sikh has drawn the disapproval of my family. Every time I turn around I am being cornered by them into explaining my beliefs or else being guilted into feeling bad for _them._ I refuse to sacrifice my faith for their peace of mind and I've told them as much but it does not pacify them. Just this morning I overheard my parents discussing my, "eternal damnation" and ways to bring me, "from the dark side to the light side" (has this become Star Wars??). I am as nice and gentle as I can be about this with them but it's honestly weighing on me as a burden. I feel sad that they cannot accept me without judgement but I don't know that I can handle all of this stress they're putting on me anymore.
> ...


Sat Nam dear,
My father disinherited me because I joined a "cult" and was an embarrassment to the family. My mother testified against me in court--my life test, to give custody of my two year old daughter to a manmukh husband, an intellectual Sikh scholar who cowardly left the Dharma when asked by Siri Singh Sahibji to translate SGGS with him. My well-known and respected Sikh sister worked with my Navy commander brother and my home sangat to have me put in a mental hospital for two months when I was to go to Amritsar the next day. Guru freed me to make the trip on schedule, and has freed me from all attachment to my family. By Guru's Grace, the other side of that life test is pure bliss. Keep up your Sikh lifestyle no matter what. It is not life that matters, but the courage you bring to it. 
Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh!animatedkhanda1


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## Ambarsaria (Jan 29, 2011)

Adi Nanaki ji I am so sorry to hear through the above post on what you have gone through.

Life is a tough journey and so much is relative.  Only when I see how you dealt with trash I clearly see how you now appreciate a fresh morning even more.  I am sure one never wishes this difficult path and level of testing on anyone.

What an inspirational post.

May your heart and soul shine on and your spirits stay high.

Sat Sri Akal.


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## TKaurG (Feb 3, 2011)

i agree that was very inspiring
to answer rbamrah ji, i think that situations where others in a sense disappoint us take place as way of Vaheguru showing us that when our life comes to an end, none of these people will be with us, and this is repeated a lot in gurbani.

ਸੰਗ ਸਖਾ ਸਭਿ ਤਜਿ ਗਏ ਕੋਊ ਨ ਨਿਬਹਿਓ ਸਾਥਿ॥
My associates and companions have all deserted me; no one remains with me.

ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਇਹ ਬਿਪਤਿ ਮੈ ਟੇਕ ਏਕ ਰਘੁਨਾਥ॥੫੫॥
Says Nanak, in this tragedy, the Lord alone is my Support. ||55||


Therefore, it is when we face the ignorance of others (in general..not to offend your family), that we see why guru ji told us to say away from moh.

Also, i think if you show them that their anger at your decision is only bringing about a negative of mind in them, they are only harming themselves, they will maybe see that your religion/spirituality is your own and what they say or do will not change that.


However, i can see how it can be difficult because you love them, but if you respect them, sooner or later they will see that they must do the same because they will not get anything positive out of arguing
ਕਹਤ ਕਬੀਰ ਪੰਚ ਕੋ ਝਗਰਾ ਝਗਰਤ ਜਨਮੁ ਗਵਾਇਆ॥
Kahat kabeer panch ko jhagra jhagrat janam gevaaeyaa.
Says Kabeer, the five passions argue with me, and in these arguments, my life is wasting away.

Bhul chuk maaf and Good Luck, 
Gurfateh


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## Caspian (Feb 10, 2011)

> Just this morning I overheard my parents discussing my, "eternal damnation" and ways to bring me, "from the dark side to the light side" (has this become Star Wars??).



As a side note. The star wars saga is loosely based off christian mythos. Indeed, alot of hollywood films are simply retellings of the Jesus story (E.T. for example). Even the Jesus story was a retelling of the Egyptian sun god story... speaking of stories, seeing as your new to sikhism. You should get someone to tell you about the "Guru Nanak" story, ull find its very similar to the Jesus story in alot of ways. 

Anyways, with regards to your family. Ive heard that most parents often put aside their petty disputes with their childern once their childern have kids. Lol, so maybe turning your parents into grandparents might work


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