# Need Help. (Keeping Hair)



## Kaurmeet (Sep 1, 2013)

am 19. I went to a camp in summer. There was a babaji who forced me to get baptized (take amrit). I always wanted to be Amritdhari but not at a young age. I told him that I am not ready yet, I cut my hair and I dont have any family member or relatives who are amritdhari.And I said tyhat I will ask my parents about it. But he siad that we come alone and we go alone from this world, no one comes with us, so its your decision to take amrit, dont ask your parents they will not let you take amrit. He convinced me a lot by saying a lot of things like that. I was in a different town (at my masi's house), so i called my parents and asked them they said that you are young and its a big decision and stuff like that. I was under a lot of pressure. I didnt know what to do. I used to cut my hair, eat non-veg, etc. and then I made a quick decision. I thought that it might be a right time to take amrit. and then i finaaly took it. Few months went well but then I started feeling that I dont want to live this way no more. But i know that this is not a game. I am stuck. I dont know what top do. I want to quit Amrit. I dont want to be the person I never was. I have a lot respect for sikhism but I cant do it nomore. the thing that I find hard is I cant cut my hair and shave. actuaaly none of my family members are amritdhari not een any of my relatives and frns. that's y I didn't want to take amrit at such a young age. my frns and all the cousins of my age and even younger than me shave their bodyparts and cut their hair. I know I have waheguru's mehar but its hard for me to live this way. no one has views like me in my family or in my frns. please help


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## Ishna (Sep 1, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

Bhenji it's great to have you with us all the way from _Yahoo! eacesignkaur:  _Do feel free to tell us more about yourself in our Introductions thread: http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/announcements/5626-introducing-myself.html



> the thing that I find hard is I cant cut my hair and shave. actuaaly none of my family members are amritdhari not een any of my relatives and frns. that's y I didn't want to take amrit at such a young age. my frns and all the cousins of my age and even younger than me shave their bodyparts and cut their hair. I know I have waheguru's mehar but its hard for me to live this way. no one has views like me in my family or in my frns. please help


 
I think I know how you feel. Being a convert with no Sikhs in my family there is absolutely no-one in my family or friendship circle or even my colleagues who keeps their kesh. It can make you feel isolated and make you wonder why you're bothering.

Is your family teasing you, is anyone hassling you about your kesh? Or are they silent about it, and the problem is about how you feel, personally?

My advice would be to go to Gurdwara more often and see if you can make some amritdhari or even keshdhari friends there, that way you won't feel so alone. Read about other Kaurs who are keeping their kesh and know that you're part of a global community of the Guru's proud daughters. :japosatnamwaheguru:

One the one hand you have your society which is offering you a mirage in exchange for your kesh. On the other hand is Guruji who is offering you life-long companionship and a solid foundation. It may not seem like it right now at 19 but give yourself just a couple of years and I'm sure you'll see your little khalsa tree inside will grow and start providing you with fruit.

Meanwhile take the opportunity to read more Gurbani and learn it's meanings. Cultivate love for the Guru and Gursikh lifestyle and your kesh should become a non-issue for you.

It was wrong for the babaji to push you into amrit sanchar if you didn't feel readly, but some of us do need a bit of a shove sometimes, and have to manage the consequences afterwards. How we do that is really character building. What sort of character are you going to build?

I'm going to see if I can find some inspirational Kaur stories for you.


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## Kaurmeet (Sep 2, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

Thank u so much for ur suggestion. I really appreciate it. Actually no one in my family tease s me. But ehenever we have a get together or we go to a wedding or anything like that,  I look so diff. From others. I dont know how to explain it. I dont just want to show people that m amritdhari n I have to live this way even m not happy from inside. I dont believe that waheguru would ev like thatheir kids r doing something just for formality. I font want to offense someone but thats what m feeling right now. Sorry if m saying something wrong. Do u think waheguru will punish me for quitting amrit or he will forgive me??


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## Ishna (Sep 2, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

Kaurmeet ji

We all have our own understanding of Karta Purakh, and I for one don't think It really cares what you do. Sikhi is beyond rules like "I must do this because God will punish me if I don't" because Sikhi is about self-responsibility and then by extension responsibility in society.  Please try to stop personalising the Creator with human emotions and behaviour or making It out to be a carbon copy of Allah because Sikhi offers freedom from this sort of thinking.

To use your language, Waheguru wouldn't forgive you because you can't sin against It to begin with, you can only make mistakes and your own self and to some extent the wider society will be your judge.

If you don't want to be a member in Guruji's Fauj anymore I beg you to think long and hard about why. And then, if you're certain you want to swap the Guru's timeless saroop for fitting in at a wedding then by all means, go ahead, the sky won't rain molten lava and you won't burn in hell for all eternity, and the scoreboard in the sky won't say Kaurmeet -10. But you might, in your Self.

I want to say that if, after careful consideration, you want to quit the fauj, it is better for everyone for you to do so, than to stay in there and not be true to it. I look forward to other member's thoughts on this.

I'm also acutely aware of the hypocrisy of giving someone else this sort of advice when I can't even take it myself. On the bright side I *am* talking myself into it ahaha.


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## Kaurmeet (Sep 2, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

I really appreciate that u spend ur precious time to reply/help me. I will think about it a lot before taking any step. again thank you so much.


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## Harry Haller (Sep 2, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*



Kaurmeet said:


> am 19. I went to a camp in summer. There was a babaji who forced me to get baptized (take amrit). I always wanted to be Amritdhari but not at a young age. I told him that I am not ready yet, I cut my hair and I dont have any family member or relatives who are amritdhari.And I said tyhat I will ask my parents about it. But he siad that we come alone and we go alone from this world, no one comes with us, so its your decision to take amrit, dont ask your parents they will not let you take amrit. He convinced me a lot by saying a lot of things like that. I was in a different town (at my masi's house), so i called my parents and asked them they said that you are young and its a big decision and stuff like that. I was under a lot of pressure. I didnt know what to do. I used to cut my hair, eat non-veg, etc. and then I made a quick decision. I thought that it might be a right time to take amrit. and then i finaaly took it. Few months went well but then I started feeling that I dont want to live this way no more. But i know that this is not a game. I am stuck. I dont know what top do. I want to quit Amrit. I dont want to be the person I never was. I have a lot respect for sikhism but I cant do it nomore. the thing that I find hard is I cant cut my hair and shave. actuaaly none of my family members are amritdhari not een any of my relatives and frns. that's y I didn't want to take amrit at such a young age. my frns and all the cousins of my age and even younger than me shave their bodyparts and cut their hair. I know I have waheguru's mehar but its hard for me to live this way. no one has views like me in my family or in my frns. please help



My dear sis Ishnaji has written like a true Kaur, and I respect her hugely for it, although I personally do not agree with her,

You took Amrit under duress, not love, so my view is you are no more amritdhari than me, (I am not), you sound like you are scared, you sound like you are keeping all this up out of fear of God, you make the way of the Amritdhari sound like a penance, not a gift, it is the cry of a young bride married to a stranger that talks of duty, respect, rules, but not of love. 

I would use the experience to find out more about Sikhism, and maybe one day, when you really really want to, you can take Amrit for real.


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## singhbj (Sep 2, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh

Kid you lack Sangat or company of Gursikh women.

That's the reason why you feel sad & lonely.

If you can't find good company nearby then interact online.

http://forums.about.com/ab-sikhism

http://www.kaurageous.com/kaurnect

http://www.kaurscorner.com/site/

http://kaurthoughts.wordpress.com/

http://kaursunited.org/

http://www.sikhwomen.com/

Just do Ardas, ask WAHEGURU for guidance & support.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Waheguru ji ki fateh


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## Harry Haller (Sep 2, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*



> Kid you lack Sangat or company of Gursikh women.


I personally think the OP has had enough of being patronised by all knowing males who know what is best for our younger Kaurs



> That's the reason why you feel sad & lonely.


Ahhh so she is not trying hard enough? not giving it enough time? doing it wrong? so what should she do?



> Just do Ardas, ask WAHEGURU for guidance & support.


Excellent, ask something she has no knowledge or understanding about, chant a few prayers, maybe take a few Hukanamas, and everything will be ok!

I take huge exception to people being bullied to take Amrit, or taking it in the hope that it will change their life because, 'if you pray to waheguru, everything will be fine', just keep mumbling your path, specifically the ones for such situations, and dear old Goddy will happily drop whatever he is doing and make your life perfect, because that is what Sikhism is all about! blind faith, rituals, faith in strange beardies, of course it has nothing to do with self realisation, learning, education, compassion and love.


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## spnadmin (Sep 2, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

I agree Harry ji 

The men lead women to their spiritual destiny script gets overbearing after centuries. And how does a woman who is uncertain herself find a way to ward this off and feel she is being polite about it? 'babji' forced a quick decision and it has had some lingering effects, hasn't it.

Thanks for speaking up.

We offer ideas; however when a person is not sure the best thing is to make no decisions at all. Make no decisions until he/she can find a way of living that fits like a pair of comfortable shoes. Reflect and be good to yourself, Kaurmeet ji. Some decisions do not have to be taken right away and you have obviously been reflecting a lot. Consider your partners here people who can offer ideas and support; no one at this point should tell you what to do. That already backfired once. 

Kaurmeet ji Thank you for joining us here and helping us - yes, helping us - understand how some choices in life are not pure and simple. No quick solutions need to be taken.


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## SaintSoldier1699 (Sep 2, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

Kaurmeet great that you have shown courage to talk about this as many others shy away due to the fear of what others might say!

The Panj Pyaray must ask before initiating anyone whether they are there by their own will or have been coerced/forced to take Amrit.  I'm sure you now know why.

We all make decisions in the heat of the moment being in a particular state of mind/surroundings/people  but once the dust settles you can see clearly again and that's a journey for you as your the only one who know's how you feel about the decision.

But please do not fall into the feeling of guilt caused by others who feel they know what is right/wrong etc.  Sikhi is common sense/practical that's your guide.  In time all will be clear and you will know what needed to be done or not, all the best.


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## Brother Onam (Sep 2, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

Sat Sri Akal
My dear sister, it sounds to me a bit like an unexpected pregnancy; sometimes a young lady will discover she is pregnant and yet feel completely unready for motherhood. At that point she may either opt for abortion as she is still wanting fun and freedoms of youth, or, she may realize she finds herself thrust into an unexpected phase of greater responsibilities and then adjust her priorities accordingly. 
All this is to say, I think you may find yourself suddenly at a point of greater responsibility, but also great fulfillment. You said you respect Sikhi a lot; if sincerely, then why not take this time to seek out the deeper joys and blessings of full embrace of it? On the other hand, if your affection for the Panth is not so real, I would try to clarify in my own heart where spiritual life really factors with you. Only I would try not to be put off by feeling isolated among family and friends who are all non-believers; in devotion we may find ourselves at odds with our social surroundings, and this is the nature of pursuing Har-consciousness in a carnal world. Other amritdharis become a sort of family. 
I also have no single Sikh, what to speak of Amriti, among family or friends, yet company of Sat Sangat is beautiful companionship.  
Strength, guidance and continual blessings to you, young sister.


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## Harry Haller (Sep 3, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*



singhbj said:


> Here is an example of good advice, please have a look.
> 
> http://answers.sikhnet.com/question/3131/worldly-evil-getting-to-me/



I will keep my thoughts on Sikhnet and 3HO to myself for the moment, however, there are quite clearly different methods of using Sikhism to deal with lifes problems. 

I myself prefer the more pragmatic approach, information, learning, why, how, etc, some prefer other approaches, don't mix with mona's, dont watch TV, etc etc, I think it is vital that as people we learn why, why we feel the way we do, how can we change the way we feel, how can we begin to feel within ourselves the true 'us' the people we should be, and eventually grow into a Khalsa. A Khalsa does not fear anything, certainly not tv programs..

Stand tall and meet the world head on with no fear or hide away from all the bad things, the choice is yours


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## singhbj (Sep 3, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

Answer.Sikhnet.com is just a platform for people to interact or get advice.

Not all advice is good, but the one posted above is commendable.

I know that being a Khalsa women (word & deed) is lot more difficult than a Khalsa guy.

That is why thought of suggesting some links of practicing Kaur's.


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## findingmyway (Sep 3, 2013)

*Re: Need Help.....*

Kaurmeet ji,
Here is something that might inspire
http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/inspirational/38784-those-pesky-dames-we-love-hair.html

How do you feel you are different at social functions? What is it about being amritdhari that you feels holds you back? Apart from the hair issue, is there anything else that you are struggling with?

The Gurbani vichaar section has some wonderful information to help you understand what the message of Gurbani is and what Sikhi is really about.


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## Kaurmeet (Sep 3, 2013)

Thanks to everyone who replied to this post. I don't want to make any decision now. I will think a lot before taking any step.eacesignkaur:


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## spnadmin (Sep 3, 2013)

Congratulations Kaurmeet ji for deciding to be your own person!


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