# Why Are Sikh Girls Behaving Bad When Far From Home/family?



## dheerajg (Mar 6, 2010)

del


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## spnadmin (Mar 6, 2010)

*Re: Why are Sikh girls in Bangalore behaving bad?*

There is such a thing as the Law of Unintended Consequences. Anything you do can backfire in a way that you least suspect. They are not your family members. If they were related to you, then you could consider having a serious chat with the perpetrators. You can be a good listener to the wife, who probably needs a friend right now. But --My advice, stay out of it. More than you realize could happen -- even things you might regret later in life.


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## spnadmin (Mar 6, 2010)

*Re: Why are Sikh girls in Bangalore behaving bad?*

LOL - Thanks for changing the title!!!!!!!!!!! I much appreciate it.


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## Tejwant Singh (Mar 6, 2010)

*Re: Why are Sikh girls in Bangalore behaving bad?*



dheerajg said:


> A Sikh colleague of mine is having an affair with an Hindu Telugu married guy. She knows that he is married and that he is having lots of problems with his wife due to her. Still the affair continues. I have tried my best to advise her but she is not listening to me. The married guy has dumped his wife and is currently staying with this sikh girl. It is really painful to see that wife crying and begging to save her marriage. This sikh girl belongs to a decent , very rich family in Chandigarh. But she says she doesnot want to marry a turban unshaved guy. Just because she wanted to have cheap fun and did not want her family to know, she has travelled down south and is now working in Bangalore. I have noticed a similar trend with many sikh girls who come from far North to the pub city to have fun. If any parents are reading this, I would strongly suggest them to send their girls to Bangalore. She spends most of her time drinking, partying, travelling and sleeping with this guy. I am very sure that her parents trust her too much. I strongly feel that such girls are a black mark to the Sikh community. What do you suggest that I should do in this case? Should I call that girls family and inform about her cheat dirty behavior? What will the possible course of action taken by her parents? I am afraid if they will believe me in the first place. Is it possible they will threaten the wife and get this sikh girl married to the Telugu Hindu guy? I am posting this issue here so that I can get help and advise from senior Sikh members who will be able to guide from the perspective of the girl's parents. Please help.



   Dheerajg,

  Guru Fateh.

  Let me try to understand what you are saying and I need your help in it. So, I may ask a few questions.

  As your name is Dheeraj, which means-Sehaj,Calm, Peace, Reasoning-, you are not acting in any of the qualities your name represent.

  First let us go with the title:
*Why are Sikh girls in Bangalore behaving bad?*


What      do you mean by that?
How      many Sikh girls have you met that are behaving badly and in what manner?
Why      bring religion into this. She could have been a Hindu, a Muslim, a Christian,      a Jaini, a Buddhist, a Parsi etc. etc.?
Why      this bias?
 
  You start your post:

*A Sikh colleague of mine is having an affair with an Hindu Telugu married guy.*



Why      isn’t it the other way around?
*Why couldn’t you say that "a Hindu      married Telugu man has lured an innocent Sikh girl to have an affair with him  and is doing a bad thing by committing adultery and being unfaithful to his wife"?*
Whose      duty is not to have an affair, the person who is married or the innocent      person who is being lured by the married one?
 
  From your post it seems, that the man did not care about his marriage vows and about his family and left his wife while enticing a single woman into his lecherous net irrespective of the victim’s religion and you are blaming the victim in all this?


What point are you trying to make from your own moral scale?


  Would you go and write the same post in the forums of all the other religions if the girl belonged to any of them in this manner?

  Which forum would you write if the victim were a Hindu?

  So, I beg to differ with you. The Sikh girl is the victim in all this, not a villain the way you have painted her and tried to paint others of her religion with the plural in the title of your post which is a shame. It shows that it is you who is as immoral as your Hindu married Telegu friend. You have shown your moral values by defending an immoral lecher and accusing the real victim.

  Why didn’t you go to your Hindu married friend’s parents and tell them all this about their son committing adultery? I am sure they live closer than the victim’s parents who live in Chandigarh?

  Why didn’t you go to the wife’s parents and let them know how their son in law is committing adultery which is not  the right thing to do?

  Why just blame the victim?

  Unless you come up with the true perspective about all the whole situation for your own sake, you are not trying to help anyone but rather trying your best to punish the victim.

  So, let’s help all of them, the wife who is a victim, the lover/mistress who got falsely lured in this net and the villain who can become a good husband and a father again and lastly yourself who should see things in a truthful manner.

  Hope to hear from you about all this soon.

  Regards

  Tejwant Singh


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## kds1980 (Mar 6, 2010)

dheerajg said:


> A Sikh colleague of mine is having an affair with an Hindu Telugu married guy. She knows that he is married and that he is having lots of problems with his wife due to her. Still the affair continues. I have tried my best to advise her but she is not listening to me. The married guy has dumped his wife and is currently staying with this sikh girl. It is really painful to see that wife crying and begging to save her marriage. This sikh girl belongs to a decent , very rich family in Chandigarh. But she says she doesnot want to marry a turban unshaved guy. Just because she wanted to have cheap fun and did not want her family to know, she has travelled down south and is now working in Bangalore. I have noticed a similar trend with many sikh girls who come from far North to the pub city to have fun. If any parents are reading this, I would strongly suggest them to send their girls to Bangalore. She spends most of her time drinking, partying, travelling and sleeping with this guy. I am very sure that her parents trust her too much. I strongly feel that such girls are a black mark to the Sikh community. What do you suggest that I should do in this case? Should I call that girls family and inform about her cheat dirty behavior? What will the possible course of action taken by her parents? I am afraid if they will believe me in the first place. Is it possible they will threaten the wife and get this sikh girl married to the Telugu Hindu guy? I am posting this issue here so that I can get help and advise from senior Sikh members who will be able to guide from the perspective of the girl's parents. Please help.



Why do you care about that sikh girl? Do you think that any self respecting sikh guy will want to marry her


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## kds1980 (Mar 6, 2010)

> So, I beg to differ with you. The Sikh girl is the victim in all this, not a villain the way you have painted her and tried to paint others of her religion with the plural in the title of your post which is a shame. It shows that it is you who is as immoral as your Hindu married Telegu friend. You have shown your moral values by defending an immoral lecher and accusing the real victim.



How is sikh girl victim here? is she uneducated? is she forcibly taken by telugu guy.If a person know's whether another person is using her/him taking benefit  either by physically or financially 
and still he want's to be with him/her then he/she is a big fool and I am sorry to say many time these so educated liberal women of any religion put themself in these situations and then when the guy dump them they cry of being victim ,victim


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## Tejwant Singh (Mar 6, 2010)

Kanwardeep Singh said:


> How is sikh girl victim here? is she uneducated? is she forcibly taken by telugu guy.If a person know's whether another person is using her/him taking benefit  either by physically or financially
> and still he want's to be with him/her then he/she is a big fool and I am sorry to say many time these so educated liberal women of any religion put themself in these situations and then when the guy dump them they cry of being victim ,victim




Kanwardeep Singh ji,

Guru Fateh.

I have no idea why this anger and rage. Please read my whole post so you can understand the reasoning behind it with calmness not with inner calamity. I do not know what you mean by " these so educated liberal women ".

Should education make them less liberal- open minded? 

What is an educated non-liberal woman like in your mind?

Education or lack of it  has nothing to do with adultery. Victims come in all different forms. The fact is that the man is married one  not the girl.

Regards

Tejwant Singh


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## dheerajg (Mar 6, 2010)

Kanwardeep Singh said:


> Why do you care about that sikh girl? Do you think that any self respecting sikh guy will want to marry her


 

Kanwardeep ji, 

How will the sikh guy know about this girl's behavior? She seems to be using the her distance from her home as an advantage. Family doesnt visit her and she goes home once in an year.


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## kds1980 (Mar 6, 2010)

dheerajg said:


> Kanwardeep ji,
> 
> How will the sikh guy know about this girl's behavior? She seems to be using the her distance from her home as an advantage. Family doesnt visit her and she goes home once in an year.



Well if the girl start her new marriage on the basis of a lie and pretend to be 
good girl then there is very good chance that one day her marriage will fall.
Anyway you have written that she don't want to marry a turbaned bearded
sikh guy so It is a blessing for turbaned guys that these type of girls will not marry them


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## kds1980 (Mar 6, 2010)

Tejwant Singh said:


> Kanwardeep Singh ji,
> 
> Guru Fateh.
> 
> ...



The girl very well know that He is married and still she is with her.There is no way we can say that she is a victim.The only victim in story is wife of that man.Earlier the society use to believe that fault always lies with women now 
people have started believing that fault is always with man and women are always victim no matter what they do.

I just want to say that if a person goes to thugs despite knowing that those people are thugs and one day the thug's cheat him then the fault lies with the both and not with thugs only


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## Tejwant Singh (Mar 6, 2010)

dheerajg said:


> Tejwant ji,
> 
> I very much appreciate your quick reply and your concern in this issue. I apologize for the title that has sent out false message and I have changed the same.
> 
> ...



   Dheerajg,

  Guru Fateh.

  Thanks for the response.

  For me the girl is still a victim because a married man/woman should be held on higher moral grounds than the single ones irrespective of the gender. 

  Secondly, this sexual revolution taking place in India mainly due to the call centers and the IT industry is very similar to the one that took place in the West in the 60’s and the 70’s. 

  Gaining independence of not living with the parents, working away from home, not depending on the parents for the money, especially in India are the main causes of this. 

There is nothing wrong or right about this and they can not be judged in this manner either. 

Even Bollywood is promoting this kind of promiscuity through the movies. Before, even a kiss on the lips was a taboo. Now things go much faarther  than that in the Indian movies which has been the foundation ground for the moral values in the Indian culture. Sex is exhibited and promoted shamelessly by the Bollywood.

The compass of morality changes with these changes. It is the people who live in these circumstances should learn how to live with it and should be open and more adapting to the changes, till this cyclic era is over and after the experimentations of this kind of life style, some do draw back to their old values of morality where they wait for the person to get married to and then have sex. 


  How long will that take? No one knows. Only time will tell.

  Things may get worse or shall I say more intense as far as sex before marriage is concerned in India, especially for the working independent girls till they become full circle in the mental and moral sphere of one’s life.

  This is part of life. You again mentioned Sikh girls and their pub lives as if Sikh girls were the majority in the IT industry and in Indian population, which is again incorrect on your part. Don’t girls from other religions in India where the majority is Hindu in the same pub circle? So, the fact is that there are more Hindu girls in this culture than girls from any other religion which you did not care to mention for the reasons only known to you.

  Telling the girl’s parents in Chandigarh and marrying her off would not bring any good to anyone. What happens if this man she is with now divorces his wife and gets married to her and they live happily ever after? Who knows?!!

  What is happening in my opinion is that these circumstances are forcing the Indian men, irrespective of their religion to change their mentality of marrying a virgin when they themselves are in the hunt to eradicate virginity themselves due to this new revolution.

  In other words,” Virginity lies between one’s ears, not between one’s legs”.

  Regards

  Tejwant Singh


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## Tejwant Singh (Mar 6, 2010)

Kanwardeep Singh ji,

Guru Fateh.

You write:



> I just want to say that if a person goes to thugs despite knowing that those people are thugs and one day the thug's cheat him then the fault lies with the both and not with thugs only



Let me ask you a question, so in your opinion  are all married men  thugs?

Tejwant Singh


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## kds1980 (Mar 6, 2010)

Tejwant Singh said:


> Kanwardeep Singh ji,
> 
> Guru Fateh.
> 
> ...



Tejwant ji

Nowhere I said all married men are thug's.Please first tell me how that girl is victim in your eye's if she know's that the man she is with is married?


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## Tejwant Singh (Mar 6, 2010)

Kanwardeep Singh said:


> Tejwant ji
> 
> Nowhere I said all married men are thug's.Please first tell me how that girl is victim in your eye's if she know's that the man she is with is married?




Kanwardeep ji,

Guru Fateh.

Please read my response to Dheerajg to find your answer.

Regards

Tejwant Singh


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## kds1980 (Mar 6, 2010)

Tejwant Singh said:


> Kanwardeep ji,
> 
> Guru Fateh.
> 
> ...



Tejwant ji

With due respect i have read and I don't agree with it.A Girl should be intelligent enough to choose to whom she should keep relation.If despite knowing that man is married or jerk and she still keep relationship with him
then fault also lies with girl too..OK. for example this man just realises that what he is doing is wrong and goes back to his wife and then again this girl find's a jerk who uses her and then leave her .This type of cycle keep on going and she will become prey again and again unless she start making intelligent decision of choosing partner


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## Tejwant Singh (Mar 6, 2010)

Kanwardeep Singh said:


> Tejwant ji
> 
> With due respect i have read and I don't agree with it.A Girl should be intelligent enough to choose to whom she should keep relation.If despite knowing that man is married or jerk and she still keep relationship with him
> then fault also lies with girl too..OK. for example this man just realises that what he is doing is wrong and goes back to his wife and then again this girl find's a jerk who uses her and then leave her .This type of cycle keep on going and she will become prey again and again unless she start making intelligent decision of choosing partner



Kanwardeep ji,

Guru Fateh.

Let's agree to disagree then.

Tejwant Singh


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## Navdeep88 (Mar 6, 2010)

dont think there's much you can do, other than support the wife. 
Especially, if no one is wanting to listen to the advice your giving. They're both adults, and aware of the decisions they make, and responsible for the consequences. What do you get when you put two cheats together? Trust? Happiness? I think they'll both get burned, you don't need to do anything. And hopefully, learn from it. 

There was something about buddhism that I heard... Someone asks, "what is the most appalling thing about human nature?" and the answer was "When someone thinks they're actually hurting someone else, the malice comes back onto them ten fold." maybe not right away, but it will.


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## kds1980 (Mar 7, 2010)

> I am sorry but still I do not understand how you call the girl a victim. Just because a married man is supposed to have higher moral values does not make the single one a victim. There are plenty of unmarried guys out there still she is filthy enough to sleep with a married person. I would say that she is a by-product of poor upbringing. Like I said earlier she belongs to a very rich family. What is the purpose of her coming here to earn?



Rich people of India are most spoiled persons in India.Their parents just fulfill their all Demands from childhood and That's why they develop the mentality that whatever they want they can get it.Much of this so called westernised culture is followed by them


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## kds1980 (Mar 7, 2010)

dheerajg said:


> Kanwardeep ji,
> 
> Thanks for your reply.
> 
> ...



Here are your answers

1) Its upto parents How strict they are if they are really strict and orthodox they could even disown her

2  There is no ideal age of girl specified iof marriage in sikhism

3  Many  sikh girls in India are becoming westernised and getting influenced by bollywood ,western culture.

Anyway I still don't understand why do you care about her so much.Just leave it to her and her family .Even if because of parentel pressure she marries a sikh guy do you think then the couple can live  happily after that


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## rajneesh madhok (Mar 7, 2010)

dheerajg said:


> This being the scenario, the easiest solution to this is to get the girl out of this mess and facilitate the union of husband and wife.  That being the intention, I wanted to take the advise of senior members/parents of this forum to know if it’s a wise decision to inform the girl’s family. They can probably arrange for her marriage and put an end to this affair.
> Any suggestion to save this marriage will greatly help.
> 
> Thanks in advance.


Dear Dheerajg,
Sometimes people that ask for advise do not really want it. Sometimes they just look for affirmatin for their actions. If you are truly looking for the advise honestly, Kindly provide information to the members about your contribution to save the marriage and to guide the girl. What are your contributions regarding resentment of wife and children. Why the husband take things so lightly. 
Whether you tried to know the reason behind such relations from the wife of that man It is a hard fact that when the guy knows that the doors are always open at his convenience then he will think to come back. But when the doors are being shut for the husband then he might have no other alternate. Whether the wife of that man has cordial relations with her husband. 
Hopefully, we have concentrated the theory of fault in man and the girl. There are chances that the fault may be at the end of the wife of that man. Consider that point as well. 
Then post your own opinion about the role of the wife of that man. Then only the members can guide you the next course of action. 
Rajneesh Madhok


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## kds1980 (Mar 7, 2010)

dheerajg said:


> Kanwardeep ji,
> 
> Thanks for the answers.
> 
> I really don’t care about what happens to this girl. Whomever she marries, I don’t think she can have a happy married life after the misery she has caused to another girl and her family. I wish her parents would soon find out about her cheap behavior and that she gets out of this affair and lets the couple live.



Dheeraj ji

The Girl is not solely responsible for the misery she caused to another girl.If this sikh girl even move's from their life the cheater husband may find another fair North Indian Girl and will cheat his wife again.I am sorry to say that in this
situation You can't do anything


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## Tejwant Singh (Mar 7, 2010)

Dheerajg,

Guru fateh.



> I am sorry but still I do not understand how you call the girl a victim. Just because a married man is supposed to have higher moral values does not make the single one a victim.


 

In my opinion it does. If you do not think that married men/women should have higher moral standards than the unmarried ones, then it is your own moral compass of yourself and your upbringing. Hence, the difference in opinion.



> There are plenty of unmarried guys out there still *she is filthy *enough to sleep with a married person.




It is a shame to see that your language is judgemental and you have made her a filthy girl which shows your own moral values no matter what religion you belong to. You are not trying to help anyone. You are here to blame the girl because she is a Sikh. All your posts indicate that.




> I would say that she is a by-product of poor upbringing. Like I said earlier she belongs to a very rich family. What is the purpose of her coming here to earn?




Your above comments prove what I have written earlier. How can you judge her upbringing? Once again you are attacking her faith which exposes your own upbringing. So you are not doing anything positive to anyone. You are not trying to help anyone, rather exposing your own character.




> I never said that Sikh girls form majority of the IT field or pubs. I just said I know many Sikh girls who take advantage of being far away from home/family as an advantage. If you still do not agree, please come down here and I would introduce you to her and her spoiled bunch of friends from the same place.




It seems and I hope I am wrong that this girl rejected your own advances or flirtations which has made you angry towards her. You again bring the religion of a person which is a tiny minority in India where as you ignore the majority of the Hindu girls who are also doing the same thing. I know this because I have  many relatives working in the IT industry and as I said in my earlier post that it is the trend due to new found freedom where religion has nothing to do with it. *The fact which you have forgotten to mention that the majority is Hindu hence according to your moral compass majority of the Hindu girls are filthy ones but you are too insecure to admit that and adamant on attacking one religion.*



> Of course this culture applies to girls from all religion. But why would I talk about Hindu/Muslim/Christian or any other religion in a Sikh forum?


Thanks for proving my point and your real agenda. If you go through this forum. We talk about people from all religions. So, if you call yourself  a person of high moral values which you are trying to project in every post of yours then you should be the first one to admit this problem in a general way and admit that Hindu girls are also into it because they are in majority. 

This is nothing but an excuse on your part and shows more about your own value system.




> I mentioned that my intention is to talk to the parents of the Sikh girl and wanted advice from Sikh members. I wanted to know how Sikh parents would react after hearing such a news.
> What good it would be for me to talk about other religion girls/parents here?




Your intention is to disgrace a girl from a minority religion by painting her like that whereas girls from other religions including yours do the same. Just check for yourself how many times you have used the word *SIKH* in your posts.




> I still don’t know if the man is ready to divorce his wife. Had that been the case, what is he waiting for all these years? He disappears for months, then comes back to his wife and again disappears. This has been going on in a cycle.




You are right, you have no idea about that because you only have one agenda which is a to disgrace this girl and that is a shame.



> I am worried about this one particular case which has nothing do about what Bollywood potrays or what Indian men think about virginity or if sex before marriage is right or wrong.


 

Why this particular case? Why not hundreds of other cases of the same nature where the majority is not Sikh?




> Clearly the girl with all her consciousness is participating in ruining his marriage and the life of another girl. I am sure that both of  them do not have any moral values. I can only pray that the girl comes to her senses and lets him go.




Once again you are walking in much bigger shoes than your own size. Discuss about this problem as an Indian problem not solely belonging to one particular religion as you have done repeatedly in your posts. Your intentions are devious and suspicious to say the least.
 
Tejwant Singh


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## Navdeep88 (Mar 7, 2010)

"But even after repeatedly leaving his wife, the husband is not willing to file a divorce." 

Seriously, WHY is she letting him back in all the time? Honor is one thing but this is just shameful...of her... and disrespectful to him if she continues to believe she is nothing more than a doormat. Marriage is supposed to be a union of equals, he's not supposed to be a God. She needs to realize that she does not deserve to be treated like this, and UNLESS and UNTIL he stops acting like he can treat her like this, he simply cant come back. No need to lay down as the victim, when she knows shes being wronged repeatedly...theres nothing noble in that position either. 

Its a sin to inflict pain, but its also a sin to endure it unnecessarily, shes in the wrong for enduring it. Maybe this is why we're warned about attachment. If she thinks her husband deserves the best of her, she definetly deserves nothing less of him. If he chooses to run around, then she should make it very clear that the option to come back anytime and leave anytime, is now closed. If somewhere down the road he misses her, appreciates her worth and makes the choice to treat her with respect and loyalty, he can come back.... (and maybe him not filling for divorce means that he still loves her) I dont think divorce is the answer, but I dont think forcing him, manipulating him, to be with her is the answer either. 

Please tell her that she was complete when God brought her into this world, and she is still complete now. And as a human being, she has much to contribute to the world... and there are many people who will appreciate her for it. There is more to her identity than simply being a "wife"...She can only be a wife, when the man who married her decides he wants to be her husband again... obviously he's living it up because she's letting him back in whenever. Its called having your cake and eating it too. 

She needs to shake off the depression, fear, anxiety etc. and put her foot down when it comes to this relationship. And then, to pursue her dreams, contribute to society, family etc. and be loved for it, as she deserves to. :huggie:


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## dalbirk (Mar 9, 2010)

Dheerajg ,
        I quite agree with you on this topic . Actually this is a problem which shall be more clear when seen in overall degradation of moral values among whole of Sikh youth . This is similar to Kanwardeep Ji's observation that Delhi Sikh girls are craving for marrying anybody non-Sikh . I shall share with you a conversation I had with a sales engineer of a principal company of ours . He told me this secret that nearly all of the company's sales engineers are from UP ( Educated Bhaiyas ) . All of them are into regular affairs with local Sikh girls , takes one day to get phone number , one day to say I LOVE YOU & one more day to get her into bed . Some are dating as many as four girls simaltaneously . Even the fitters ( labour ) get to date absolutely beauties . This was his assertion that anybody not getting to lay a girl in Punjab cannot get a girl anywhere in the world . IMHO the only solution is getting them closer to Sikhism . I have out of my own experience started sending them SIKH PHULWARI magazine by Sikh Missionary College , Ludhiana ( without them knowing it ) . I have seen my old friends who fell into bad ways booze,drugs etc getting not only recovered but turning into absolute good & model human beings . We should try to contribute by creating more & more awareness about Sikhism , philosophy , SRM , beliefs amongst the Sikh youth , whenever we see a problem we should start sending a monthly magazine like GURMAT PRAKASH (SGPC) , SIS-GANJ (DSGMC) , SIKH-PHULWARI ( Sikh Missionary College , Ludhiana ) out of our own Daswandh without telling anybody . Keep a watch on the girl/boy & see if there is any difference . That is the best we can do perhaps .


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## kds1980 (Mar 9, 2010)

Dalbirk ji

Is there any specific reason why the character of sikh girls is now so low?In Punjab it is well known now that majority of sikh youths are clean shaven so One cannot say that beard and turban are issue here.even if we compare bollywood stanndard an average punjabi clean shaven male is much more handsome than a UP bhaiya then why sikh girl are with them?

Also we should also be aware that many people are just great in spreading rumours.even if they talk to a sikh girl they boast it with their friends that the girl is sleeping with him


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## dalbirk (Mar 9, 2010)

Dear Kanwardeep Ji ,
               Of course they might be spreading rumours but I have listened him talking to more than one Punjabi girls on phone myself , so there must be some truth in this after all . The factor in this is IMHO that Punjabi people are not sure about what their culture is after all thanks to the wave of liberalisation hitting whole of Punjab & the wholesale degnigration of so-called PUNJABIAT by the cultural ambassadors ie . Punjabi pop singers . Punjabi girls are portrayed as semi-nude , craving for lust , booze & easy time , as a result the girls are also unsure about their way forward . They think that having a good time is the best achievement they can have , the more they have the more they will be counted as high achievers ( whatever that means ). The wholesale loss of innocence as well as old beliefs , values post 1984 , parents just avoiding sharing anything remotely connected with Sikhi with their children has all lead to the situation today . Punjabis today have no sense of superiority , instead there is inferiority complex regarding themselves , Punjabi language ( children & ladies just do not speak Punjabi anymore ) . These all are ill-effects of mass consumerism & non-spirituality which is havering in Punjab today .


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## kds1980 (Mar 9, 2010)

dalbirk said:


> Dear Kanwardeep Ji ,
> Of course they might be spreading rumours but I have listened him talking to more than one Punjabi girls on phone myself , so there must be some truth in this after all . The factor in this is IMHO that Punjabi people are not sure about what their culture is after all thanks to the wave of liberalisation hitting whole of Punjab & the wholesale degnigration of so-called PUNJABIAT by the cultural ambassadors ie . Punjabi pop singers . Punjabi girls are portrayed as semi-nude , craving for lust , booze & easy time , as a result the girls are also unsure about their way forward . They think that having a good time is the best achievement they can have , the more they have the more they will be counted as high achievers ( whatever that means ). The wholesale loss of innocence as well as old beliefs , values post 1984 , parents just avoiding sharing anything remotely connected with Sikhi with their children has all lead to the situation today . Punjabis today have no sense of superiority , instead there is inferiority complex regarding themselves , Punjabi language ( children & ladies just do not speak Punjabi anymore ) . These all are ill-effects of mass consumerism & non-spirituality which is havering in Punjab today .



But is this situation with sikh girls only or Hindu punjabi's too? If I am not wrong cities of Punjab are heavily dominated by Hindu's as large number of
sikhs live in rural area.Sikhs are also minority in urban Punjab


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## dheerajg (Mar 9, 2010)

Navdeep ji,

Thanks very much for the encouraging reply. I’ve shared this with his wife.



Navdeep88 said:


> "Marriage is supposed to be a union of equals, he's not supposed to be a God.


 

The sad truth is that in India, irrespective of the religion is still not a land of equals. Husbands continue to have an upper hand while wife is expected to be submissive.


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## dheerajg (Mar 9, 2010)

dalbirk said:


> IMHO the only solution is getting them closer to Sikhism . I have out of my own experience started sending them SIKH PHULWARI magazine by Sikh Missionary College , Ludhiana ( without them knowing it ) . I have seen my old friends who fell into bad ways booze,drugs etc getting not only recovered but turning into absolute good & model human beings . We should try to contribute by creating more & more awareness about Sikhism , philosophy , SRM , beliefs amongst the Sikh youth , whenever we see a problem we should start sending a monthly magazine like GURMAT PRAKASH (SGPC) , SIS-GANJ (DSGMC) , SIKH-PHULWARI ( Sikh Missionary College , Ludhiana ) out of our own Daswandh without telling anybody . Keep a watch on the girl/boy & see if there is any difference . That is the best we can do perhaps .


 
Thanks Dalbirk ji. Is there anyway we can get e-copies of these magazines. That would greatly benefit many youths.


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## dalbirk (Mar 9, 2010)

Kanwardeep Singh said:


> But is this situation with sikh girls only or Hindu punjabi's too? If I am not wrong cities of Punjab are heavily dominated by Hindu's as large number of
> sikhs live in rural area.Sikhs are also minority in urban Punjab



Kanwardeep Ji , 
    This guy was talking about mainly small cities like ( Hindu majority )Hoshiarpur , Pathankot etc . Also that guy was talking about semi-urban areas , small towns , buses , fairs etc . Both Hindu & Sikh girls are involved  .


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## kds1980 (Mar 9, 2010)

> If a sikh girl can be with a fat, dark not so good looking married old Telugu guy, why cant she be with UP bhaiya’s?
> 
> I believe the girls are taking undue advantage of being away from home. The parents who have only seen until they complete school or college are totally unaware of their little girl’s behavior.
> 
> In this case, the girl is from a traditional rich family who most probably will get married to a turbaned guy. I think she wants to have a taste of the other side before she commits.



You are talking about a girl living in south obviously in south she will get South Indian men their.While in Punjab you see lot's of Punjabi men.Please remember Punjabi men are considered as most handsome in India



> What is the necessity for spreading such a rumor?



Dheeraj I could ask my brother to tell many stories  from his college or workplace where boys sometime spread rumours to show How much they are in Demand in Girls.Many time's misunderstanding also spread if a boy or girl talk often


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## kds1980 (Mar 9, 2010)

dheerajg said:


> Kanwardeep ji, The city we are discussing about is Bangalore which comprises of 60+% of North Indians.
> 
> Another question comes to my mind. North Indians seem to settle down in Bangalore a lot. Why so? Why do they have to leave the capital city and come here? IT companies/BPO's are now all over India. Why should they travel so far down? We do not see much south Indian single/male in the Northern states.



You are talking about indivisual case.There are women like padma lakshmi who choose old men like salman rushdie.Then we have women like anuradha who choose's middle age Indian politician and converted to islam.Then we have super beautiful bollywood heroine like sri devi who married divorced Punjabi hindu man
So please talk about attituide of sikh girls in general and not about a particular case

Also many Indian saints ,poets have written things about women that their behaviour is very difficuilt to predict.Many Liberal feminist of today's world may not agree with it but if we look around us we may find deep truth in their writing about women behaviour


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## kds1980 (Mar 10, 2010)

dalbirk said:


> Dear Kanwardeep Ji ,
> Of course they might be spreading rumours but I have listened him talking to more than one Punjabi girls on phone myself , so there must be some truth in this after all . The factor in this is IMHO that Punjabi people are not sure about what their culture is after all thanks to the wave of liberalisation hitting whole of Punjab & the wholesale degnigration of so-called PUNJABIAT by the cultural ambassadors ie . Punjabi pop singers . Punjabi girls are portrayed as semi-nude , craving for lust , booze & easy time , as a result the girls are also unsure about their way forward . They think that having a good time is the best achievement they can have , the more they have the more they will be counted as high achievers ( whatever that means ). The wholesale loss of innocence as well as old beliefs , values post 1984 , parents just avoiding sharing anything remotely connected with Sikhi with their children has all lead to the situation today . Punjabis today have no sense of superiority , instead there is inferiority complex regarding themselves , Punjabi language ( children & ladies just do not speak Punjabi anymore ) . These all are ill-effects of mass consumerism & non-spirituality which is havering in Punjab today .



Dalbirk ji

I would also like to mention another point and that is Muslim girl's in India are also portrayed in same manner.Infact they are ruling the bollywood and do wear semi nude clothe's.This has been going from past 60 years I can mention many name's but at Present I want to mention Katrina the queen of bollywood.but still an average muslim Girl does not copy them.so this arguement of portrayal of sikh Girls is also not going to work


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## Atheist (Mar 11, 2010)

I was raised as a Sikh by traditional Indian Sikh parents but now I am an atheist (if anyone wants to discuss why that'd be a good separate topic).  I am intrigued by this post.  I think we can all agree that if "bad" behavior is going on you can't just say it's totally the girl's fault or it's totally the guy's fault (unless he raped her, which he didn't).  I have heard of similar situations where, as dheerajg points out, Sikh people act "bad" or whatever word you want to use.  Again you can't always say it's the Sikh person's fault and you can't always say it's the other person's fault.  My question is, does anyone here think that the strict upbringing by many Sikh parents might be a catalyst for some young people to rebel more when they become independent?  I have heard stories of Sikh parents doing things that might be considered abusive by some, but they will think they're doing the right thing because of religion.  I was about to be dragged out of our house when I was 16 for cutting my hair until I promised to stop (a fake promise, but what choice did I have?).  So perhaps how one is raised plays a factor in how they act when they are independent, and Sikh parents can be quite strict (so can Catholic parents - my best friend totally rebelled in college after a strict upbringing in a Catholic home).  I was raised with almost 100% white people so perhaps the stories I have heard/experienced are more the exception than the rule. 

Feel free to provide copious criticism.


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## spnadmin (Mar 11, 2010)

Atheist ji

Well my own reaction to your comments? You had experiences that put you in touch with a wide variety of people and circumstances. And it shows because you are unwilling to put people into boxes and close the lid, nor do you point fingers of blame in this or that direction. In situations like the one described here more than one person contributed to the emotional pain of others and their own ethical confusion.


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## Astroboy (Mar 12, 2010)

> My only goal is to save their marriage



From Gurmat point of view, Saskriti Selok point out the following as a fore-warning about worldly relationships. 

Ang 1354

ਧ੍ਰਿਗੰਤ ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਸਨੇਹੰ ਧ੍ਰਿਗ ਸਨੇਹੰ ਭ੍ਰਾਤ ਬਾਂਧਵਹ  ॥
ध्रिगंत मात पिता सनेहं ध्रिग सनेहं भ्रात बांधवह ॥
Ḏẖariganṯ māṯ piṯā sanehaŉ ḏẖarig sanehaŉ bẖarāṯ bāŉḏẖvah.
Cursed is loving attachment to one's mother and father; cursed is loving attachment to one's siblings and relatives.

 ਧ੍ਰਿਗ ਸ੍ਨੇਹੰ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਬਿਲਾਸ ਸੁਤਹ  ॥
ध्रिग स्नेहं बनिता बिलास सुतह ॥
Ḏẖarig snėh▫aŉ baniṯā bilās suṯah.
Cursed is attachment to the joys of family life with one's spouse and children.

 ਧ੍ਰਿਗ ਸ੍ਨੇਹੰ ਗ੍ਰਿਹਾਰਥ ਕਹ  ॥
ध्रिग स्नेहं ग्रिहारथ कह ॥
Ḏẖarig snėh▫aŉ garihārath kah.
Cursed is attachment to household affairs.

 ਸਾਧਸੰਗ ਸ੍ਨੇਹ ਸਤ੍ਯ੍ਯਿੰ ਸੁਖਯੰ ਬਸੰਤਿ ਨਾਨਕਹ  ॥੨॥
साधसंग स्नेह सत्यिं सुखयं बसंति नानकह ॥२॥
Sāḏẖsang snėh saṯi▫yaŉ sukẖ▫yaŉ basanṯ nānkah. ||2||
Only loving attachment to the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy, is True. Nanak dwells there in peace. ||2||


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