# Honour Killings: Young Indians Defy Outdated Taboos



## Archived_Member16 (Jul 6, 2010)

*Honour killings: Young Indians defy outdated taboos *

*IANS*
*Tuesday, 06 July 2010*

By Shilpa Raina
*NEW DELHI:* Sixty-five-year-old Suhkdev Singh Darswal, a Rajput, is a happy man. His four daughters have settled down with men of their choice, making their family as diverse as India is as a nation.

He wonders why people kill their children in the name of honour. Darswal says his family represents secular India as his daughters are married to a Bihari, a Muslim, a Baniya and a Punjabi.

"I am blessed. All my four daughters are settled. They were mature enough to find suitable guys for themselves and I am very much happy with their choice," Darswal told IANS over phone from Jammu.

But not many in India have the privilege of having parents who are as liberal as Darswal. Nineteen cases of honour killings have come to light between April 9 and June 30 this year, largely reported from northern India.

Rampant honour killings in the name of caste in some parts of the country, particularly Haryana, Rajasthan and even the national capital, have shocked the public and attracted government attention.

Diktats by khap panchayats or caste councils to nullify "same gotra" marriages - those in the same ancestral lineage - and killings of couples who defy them reek of the Talibanised ideology forced on young Indian men and women.

It happened in the Kuldeep-Monica case -- the couple belonged to different castes and had married against the wishes of their parents. They were allegedly killed by Monica's brother Ankit, cousin Mandeep and his friend Nakul, who believed the couple's act had misguided others in the community, like Mandeep's sisters Shobha and Khushbu, into eloping with men of their choices.

The trio also killed Shobha.

These cases have sparked outrage. Some say such taboos are outdated in a rapidly growing economic power of India where young couples are fast asserting their right to choose.

Monali Aggarwal, 23, a management student in Delhi, said: "We don't care. It is a matter of making personal choices. Who we want to be friends with, who we want to date, who we want to spend our life with... these have nothing to do with caste, colour or creed."

In times when caste-based identities are diminishing and one witnesses an increase in inter-caste marriages, many feel that only education can get rid of inter-caste marriages taboo.

"Education can give one a brighter perspective of life. It teaches you to be humane and to get rid of the social discrimination," said Ishita Roy, who works with an NGO.
"People who indulge in such crimes don't have anything better to do. They have time to sit and ponder over something they believe maligns their reputation. This is an illusion though," she added.

Today's educated youth are least interested in surnames, said Ashish Mohan, a student pursuing a bachelor's degree in business administration.

"We don't ask our friends what caste they belong to. We hardly care whether he or she is a Jat, a Gujjar, a Bengali or a Muslim. As long as you are a good human being and are helpful, nothing else matters," said Mohan.

"Yes, our parents do have this tendency. They still ask questions like: What is his surname? Or what caste does he belong to? Or what does his father do? But we don't ask such irrelevant questions to our friends," he added.

There are, of course, those like Ranbir Mann from Sonepat, Haryana, who are not in favour of same caste marriages, as they feel it could lead to adjustment problems.

"I think it is utterly wrong to marry outside your caste. Forget about getting married in the same gotra. Young kids don't understand the complexities that come along with these inter-caste weddings. They marry as they become blind in love, but when it comes to making adjustments 'sab khatam ho jaata hai' (everything is doomed)," said Mann.

But experts say there is not much basis for these fears and couples who marry against the wishes of their caste-conscious parents can indeed live happily ever after.

Psychiatrist Sanjay Chugh said: "Definitely they do because it is about marrying a person and not a particular caste."

"Two people who are in love are mature enough to understand that love is beyond things like caste or religion. People who indulge in such inter-caste marriages do have to make certain adjustments, but that is part of any relationship," said Chugh. 


source: 
http://www.punjabnewsline.com/content/honour-killings-young-indians-defy-outdated-taboos/21810


----------



## kds1980 (Jul 6, 2010)

> Today's educated youth are least interested in surnames, said Ashish Mohan, a student pursuing a bachelor's degree in business administration.



Oh really .When Delhi university election happen for 4 posts. generally ticket is given 1 to jaat , 1 to Punjabi, 1 to Bihari and 1 to other community.majority of Indian do care about caste.Just pick 1 newspaper and see 90% of matrimonial ads are within caste column


----------



## spnadmin (Jul 6, 2010)

Perhaps Ashish Mohan is overstating the state of caste's importance to his generation. Often we confuse our own opinion and that of our friends and associates as a general rule. It is not unusual for our friends to share our values. But..this generation represents a next step in change, and there will be a next step and a next step and a next step. Some steps small and others wide. A critical mass against the caste system formed years ago. Change takes time. When even small steps are taken for the betterment of humanity why not celebrate it? Or at least make it known?


----------



## kds1980 (Jul 6, 2010)

Narayanjot Kaur said:


> Perhaps Ashish Mohan is overstating the state of caste's importance to his generation. Often we confuse our own opinion and that of our friends and associates as a general rule. It is not unusual for our friends to share our values. But..this generation represents a next step in change, and there will be a next step and a next step and a next step. Some steps small and others wide. A critical mass against the caste system formed years ago. Change takes time. When even small steps are taken for the betterment of humanity why not celebrate it? Or at least make it known?



I don't know whether Indians are taking small steps forward or backward.Just look at sikhism.Master Tara singh was Khatri and yet he was undisputed leader of sikhs in 1947.Nowadays Only Jatt sikh can be leader of sikhs.Jatt pride increased among sikh community in last 20 years.To counter it other castes have also started about praising their caste and started saying proud to be chamar etc


----------



## spnadmin (Jul 6, 2010)

The first step to a better future is in believing that a better future is possible. One thing I have found to be true in my own life. if I put my hope out into the Universe, the question is answered. 

Negativity only breeds negativity. Gloom breeds gloom. And it clouds our vision of change.


----------



## ugsbay (Jul 6, 2010)

SSA,
Very refreshing and uplifting the way Sukhdev Singh Darswal thinks and acts. It does take time Narayanjot Ji i agree. He sounds like a good educated man. The way we think and percieve things certainly has a big impact on the way things happen. Kanwardeep  Ji has mentioned the Jat & Chammar castes both full of pride, there are plenty of good people in both castes but i do agree that they both seem to bring a lot of pride into their beings. The Chammar pride has only started recently but it is certainly there. Proud to be this and that for a Nation on Patriotic means does not do the same damage as proud to be this and that regarding caste. A long way to go but cases like this even if its 1 in a  million brings hope.


----------



## kds1980 (Jul 6, 2010)

> Proud to be this and that for a Nation on Patriotic means does not do the same damage as proud to be this and that regarding caste.



Disagree with above .A lot of germans died in second world war just because they were proud Germans.Indians are told to hate pakistanis and pakistanis are told to hate Indians by  their nations.National pride is almost  equal or much more dangerous


----------



## kds1980 (Jul 6, 2010)

Narayanjot Kaur said:


> The first step to a better future is in believing that a better future is possible. One thing I have found to be true in my own life. if I put my hope out into the Universe, the question is answered.
> 
> Negativity only breeds negativity. Gloom breeds gloom. And it clouds our vision of change.



Believing in better future and trying to be realistic are 2 different things .It is fact that caste pride is spread in communities which were backward and their was no caste pride.On eintereseting case i saw in TV was where a backward class Girl was harrassed  by  her parents for marrying a rajput.The most surprising factor was that the  parents themself had love marriage


----------



## spnadmin (Jul 6, 2010)

Akaal hears.  We have not made the effort. We must continue to post these stories again and again. Akaal will respond when we have done the job on our end.


ਜਬ ਹੀ ਸਰਨਿ ਗਹੀ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਨਿਧਿ ਗਜ ਗਰਾਹ ਤੇ ਛੂਟਾ ॥ 
jab hee saran gehee kirapaa nidhh gaj garaah thae shhoottaa ||
As soon as the elephant took to the protective Sanctuary of the Lord, the ocean of mercy, he escaped from the crocodile.


----------



## ugsbay (Jul 6, 2010)

When i say proud it is maybe your country has won the world cup, maybe your country has been through a terrible war and the people build the country back up. I would never use Germany in world war 2 as a example, they were proud of being white, blonde with blue eyes and believed they were the master Aryan race. That is not exactly being proud it is more of being brainwashed idiots. I am sure one can be proud without being a Racist fool. Japan has something to be proud of now just look how they have built up their country. Being proud of a certain caste has a eery similarity with being proud like Germany was in the second world war for the wrong reasons. Being proud of a achievment and progress is different to being proud because you happen to be born in a certain cast or race.


----------



## kds1980 (Jul 6, 2010)

ugsbay said:


> When i say proud it is maybe your country has won the world cup, maybe your country has been through a terrible war and the people build the country back up. I would never use Germany in world war 2 as a example, they were proud of being white, blonde with blue eyes and believed they were the master Aryan race. That is not exactly being proud it is more of being brainwashed idiots. I am sure one can be proud without being a Racist fool. Japan has something to be proud of now just look how they have built up their country. Being proud of a certain caste has a eery similarity with being proud like Germany was in the second world war for the wrong reasons. Being proud of a achievment and progress is different to being proud because you happen to be born in a certain cast or race.



And what will you say about Pakistan? One of their general brainwashed them That 1 ****= 1000 Indians.You are saying that Germany was in war because of wrong reason because Germany was defeated and we have access to all the information.Had Germany won the war and the holocaust was never disclosed then many may have been calling GERmany saviour from Soviet.

Anyway my point in a country You are totally dependent on media and media is controlled by Govt  so they can brainwash people just as they want even you don't even know whether your country have  acheivement or it is just a propaganda


----------



## ugsbay (Jul 6, 2010)

Can you give your definition to "proud" then, or maybe we should abolish the word from the english dictionary as one cannot seem to use the word without upsetting another. Yes i am aware of the media of course they only show you what they want you to believe that is nothing new. I did not quiet understand your reference with Pakistan. Forgive me as my english is not as good as yours.


----------



## kds1980 (Jul 6, 2010)

ugsbay said:


> Can you give your definition to "proud" then, or maybe we should abolish the word from the english dictionary as one cannot seem to use the word without upsetting another. Yes i am aware of the media of course they only show you what they want you to believe that is nothing new. I did not quiet understand your reference with Pakistan. Forgive me as my english is not as good as yours.



I mean that Pakistan had even inflated the ego of his people that 1 pakistani = 1000 Indians as Indians mainly hindu and veggie and muslims always defeated them.You can visit any pakistani forum and see how they are so proud even if they had/have no acheivement.so country pride can also be very dangerous


----------



## ugsbay (Jul 6, 2010)

Thanks for your info, i have to say i cannot disagree with that but having said that they are fooling no one but themselves, i do see your point that their media has led them to believe that.


----------



## kds1980 (Jul 6, 2010)

ugsbay said:


> Thanks for your info, i have to say i cannot disagree with that but having said that they are fooling no one but themselves, i do see your point that their media has led them to believe that.



Not only pakistan but all almost all countries do that.Yesterday I was watching a programme on 5 most deadly weapon of Indian army and they showed fighter planes,tanks missiles and compared them with pakistani , chinese and even USA .Their conclusion was the 5 most deadly weapon Indian army has are the most deadliest and that's make Indian army very strong and very difficult to beat.But reality is far from what they have shown and Indian army is still quite weak at world stage


----------



## spnadmin (Jul 6, 2010)

We have gone off on a tangent here. Not a lot,:blinkingkaur: but off topic.  Though in this sense I agree with ugsbay ji -- pride is one of the main reasons for honor killings. The idea is to restore the damaged pride of a person, family, caste, gotra, etc. Respectability is lost, pride is wounded. What lies beneath pride in this crime? What instinct or emotion seeks to restore pride by blood-letting?


----------



## spnadmin (Jul 6, 2010)

DR. UDIT RAJ on this point of "pride."


_The three pillars of the government – the executive, the legislature and  the judiciary – the media and the scores of voluntary organisations  that are around, have completely failed us in this regard. Had they  fought these evils in a warlike manner, women like Monica and Shobha  would still be alive. But communities rooted in caste believe see a  single “evil” – love outside the brutal parameters that define them.  Caste pride rules over all else and their false sense of status  dominates their thinking entirely._

Tehelka - India's Independent Weekly News Magazine


----------

