# Sikhi & Parenting



## itsmaneet (Jun 14, 2012)

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa 
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh !
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Today, we see that our youth are not preferring Sikhi & are dis obeying their faith by getting into wrongful acts. Don't you think that parents have much larger role to play in improving the upbringing of their kids ... this was Sikhi can be maintained ... Kindly comment your views ... "No ugly comments please"


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## Harry Haller (Jun 14, 2012)

Itsmaneetji

I personally do not blame the youth at all, I put the blame firmly on the older generation. It is a sad fact, but most parents do not know anything about Sikhism. They teach their children about the Sikhism they think they know about, the superstitious, mystical, ritualistic Vedic version that they themselves have believed to be Sikhi. I find the ones that get upset if tradition and ritual is not followed, whilst having no regard for the actual essence, the funniest, they have no answers for the questions that a young active mind may have, kids read about Guru Nanakji refusing the sacred thread and finding that lauded, whilst then coming across similar ritualistic behaviour in Sikhism with the explanation that 'that is different'. We have photos of our Guru's everywhere and some pray to them, and that is deemed acceptable , however, I think any marriage/engagement/akand path to celebrate any event will probably put the nail in the coffin. How can any young person watch his venerable old uncle pretending to be religious and sacred one minute, and then necking a scotch bottle whilst drunkenly flaying about the dance floor the next, what impression are these young minds getting about Sikhi? 

When people concentrate more on the rituals and traditions of worship, instead of just getting out in the world and engaging Creator and Creation head on, then they will find they become experts on nothing, sure, they know how to do Matha Tek, how to look solemn whilst doing an Ardas, the significance of Shangrandh, Poorenmashi, how to do this, how to do that, how to mumble through Bani, when they might be better off just putting one line to good use and practising such throughout the day. 

At least the young Sikhs today are true to those acts, they make a minimum of effort to hide what they do, maybe that is why we are all up in arms, maybe is not the actions, its the unwillingness to sweep it under the carpet and be true to themselves that is the worry. When I talk to some of the older generation, it is clear a lot have not led whiter than white lives, but they were sensible enough to keep it to themselves and hide behind a mask of respectability, what no one knew, no one knew, maybe it is this unwillingness to lead a dual life is the problem, either way, we need an older generation that is not steeped in myth and  lies, an older generation that knows that no Guru had more than one wife, that knows and understands the essence of Sikhism, that realises the pointlessness of ritual, that does something to change the mockery of the way in which we celebrate, putting more emphasis on the recitation and discussion of Bani, rather than the boozefest to follow, until we address the myths about Sikhism ourselves, we have no hope of educating the younger generation


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## Taranjeet singh (Jun 15, 2012)

Harry ji,-Manmeet ji

I like your post for the sheer presentation and sequencing of ideas and lucidity with which these are authored. It is irrelevant if I am in disagreement with some parts of the post.I hate to differ with you but we are human beings with different backgrounds and different level of parental guidance and all those factors that go into making of our minds and ,may be, hence this innocent post

Parents have their own home work to be attended to. Parents have their predicaments too in presenting sikhi in ready to serve bowl. Sikhi is to be learnt by individual and practiced accordingly. They can act as  philosopher and guide and can acquaint the kids with basics of sikhi in the form of Nitnem, parables , visit to Gurudwaras and arranging literature. Kids ask for proof of everything. Kids ask for some one iconic who have reached that stage where the soul meets the super soul.Kids also want some one with whom they can relate to and be proud of as an icon and become a true-sikh. 

Who has been the icon in sikhism after the Gurus.? Who is that person who has done some pride to sikhi post- Gurus.? Except Puran singh ji , I cannot recall anyone. Chatwal is considered as a businessman in India and is a forgotten identity. Whom do they tell that they belong to.?Badal and Manmohan singh might be renownwed and competent. But do they really represent sikhs or sikhi is an open and shut question and requires no further consideration. Jimmi shergal had come and gone.

What will parents reply to if some kid ask as to why should he keep hair or wear turban that make him anachronistic.? These are few thoughts that have no answer, at least , with me. I mean no offence to anyone as I am not as literate as others are. Sometime I have my doubts as well.

Bani may be difficult to understand. But one has to make efforts to conceptualize. It is left to individual's endeavor to do this. It took me about three to four years in conceptualizing the thoughts that are contained in sikhi. One would come to understand sikhi and the path only if one exerts oneself and seek guidance. There are no quick fixes involved in this. There are no off the shelf solutions for this.

Kids and younger generation is also affected by the society and social conditions that prevail for reasons in the areas they dwell in. In India the condition of Punjab is pathetic. Even if I do my best , I shall have no answer to you as to what and where something went wrong there. There are cracks in sikhi and that are fairly visible. Panth and Politics are other issues where elders have to wink many a times. May be ..phoenix will do the trick.....May be , It is my sincere hope. Till then we shall have to wait.

In nutshell I shall not put the entire onus on them. These types of questions have no direct answers. Sociology, demography, culture and economic liberalizations and Politics behind the curtains is/are to be integrated to arrive and self integrated answer. I am unable to do that in a short post nor have the courage to give it an attempt. I do exonerate parents from the steep downfall in sikhi values in the younger generations. 

Till then my prayers to Gurus to help guide us to evaluate and be a better person as sikhs. May sikhi flourish once again and touches the Glorious heights. With these stray thoghts I take thy leave. Sorry Manmeet ji  for no answer and all those blanks to be filled by you yourself.....


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## Luckysingh (Jun 15, 2012)

I agree with Harry ji that it is the older generation and NOT the youth that hold these controllable values.
The examples you give Harry ji, are too true and saddening, worse still is the somewhat still active caste system that surfaces fromn time to time.- We have all known someone, somewhere or some couple that wish to wed but the boy is Jatt and girl is Chamaar for eg. -NOW, the elders just can't let it slide and happen. Not surprising the parents have bought this child up teaching him about caste and Guru Nanak and how wrong it is-all his life, BUT, when the same lad wants to marry outside the caste, then it becomes a different exception!!!!-NO CAN DO!!!

In all honesty, as parents we may be the best and most suitable for our children.
But, the kids will gain permanent and marked influences from the other family and friend sikhs that they encounter.

I simply cannot guarantee that my kids will take the path of sikhi.
I can show them, guide them and teach them BUT I cannot force it on them in any way. 

I'm here in the west, it's not always too easy. I'm a rarety myself as my family has been in UK since 40's, my father was a born anglo and so was I.iWe don't have any family at all in India,so we have no reason in this sense to visit.- He never expected me or forced me to embrace sikhism, he just taught me in the same way I try and teach my kids. If they do, then it's a bonus, if they don't then they don't, as I can't change the others and elders around that WILL give them 'offputting and memorable' examples.

I can only speak for myself, not the other sikhs openly living in duality.

Waheguru
Lucky Singh


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## itsmaneet (Jun 16, 2012)

Dear Bro
Thanks for your views. Somewhere in your reply you mentioned "Kids ask for proof of everything" - So Guru Granth Sahib Ji is the only respectable Granth in this world that would stand on any practical & scientific aspect of life.

As far as icons in Sikhism are concerned "icon" cannot be compared with our "Gurus". Even icons cannot be above Gurus. Still we have Baba Deep Singh Ji, Banda Singh Bahadur, Mani Singh Ji, Bhai Gurdas Ji ... These are inspirations to learn how them followed orders of our Gurus. But if you'll look for such icons today, you hardly get any. But again there's a famous saying - It's worthy to make a new line, lengthier compared to the prev. instead of waiting or modifying the prev. So why don't kids be encouraged by their parents to follow Sikhism & themselves become an icon .... ?


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## Harry Haller (Jun 16, 2012)

> So why don't kids be encouraged by their parents to follow Sikhism & themselves become an icon .... ?



and the answer to that is hilariously easy, because if they did, they would themselves have to adjust their life to Sikhi, who wants their kids telling them what to do ?

lol lol


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## findingmyway (Jun 16, 2012)

To some degree I agree with all the above posts. I don't think the entire blame can be placed on parents. Guru Nanak Ji was an inspiration to thousands yet his own son rebelled. This is not due to bad parenting but a rebellious streak in the child and possibly negative sangat. A lot of parents do their best but kids still go off the rail. Friends, media, personality and experiences also play a part. After a certain age, the child has to take responsibility for their own learning and own choices too.


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## Ashoke (Jun 17, 2012)

Sikhism is one religion which has seen the greatest amount of persecution, sacrifice, discrimination, loss of life almost to the verge of extinction since its inception. Yet they have given much more in return for the betterment of the lives of their persecutors.  Because of our outward appearance and our our beliefs we have become objects of mockery and mirth both privately and publicly. Take for example any Bollywood film where we are portrayed as objects of stupidity and idiocy and comedy.
In addition because of total lack of organised leadership of our community we are exposed to many priests and teachers of of religion awho themselves have poor understanding of the tenets of sikhism.
Parents who themselves poorly understand Sikism are expected to teach us the philosophy of our great gurus.
All this results in lack of pride in ourselves and complete sense of frustration especially when we have to face the world in it's own territory. As a result Sikhism becomes a burden rather than pride for our youth who have to deal with day to day confrontaions concerning their religion and appearance as well the influential way of growing up like other more influential communities of the west. We want to be like them and embrace their values. This leads to rebellion and increased tendency to apostasy.
Parents play some role in this confusion and I am sure they try their best to uphold the values of their religion and impart their knowledge as much as they can to their children but they are fighting a losing battle. They are also influenced by their ties to India and Hindu influence.
I therefore feel the fault does not just lie with parents. The fault lies the way our religion is organised. We totally lack proper organised and learned leadership which should be able to control the myriads of small communities which are centred around thousands of gurdwaras all over the world, just like the Catholics and Christianity gets it's leadership from the Vatican.
We need to instil a sense of pride in our youth by opening up to the world proudly our great and rich  practical beliefs.
Our history is soooooooooo rich with untold true epics which we should bring to the attention of the world by way of television movies etc which should be well directed by well 
known and respected directors and producers.
There are many other ways by which we should tell the world we have arrived on the worlds stage. It is time to take a front seat with pride and then let us talk why our youth are going astray. We are already doing so much, much more needs to be done.   





> :singhsippingcoffee:


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## itsmaneet (Aug 4, 2012)

i put this topic coz smwhr in Punjab we went to a relatives place. On asking tht why her both sons cut their hairs, mother quickly replied 'Eh teh ajkal fashion hai' and laughed....i said in my heart 'Balhaar jayiye aeho jiyan maavan toh' ..... So thing is mother supported her sons to cut their hairs whereas she shud have atleast been strict with them on this....


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## Harry Haller (Aug 4, 2012)

itsmaneet said:


> i put this topic coz smwhr in Punjab we went to a relatives place. On asking tht why her both sons cut their hairs, mother quickly replied 'Eh teh ajkal fashion hai' and laughed....i said in my heart 'Balhaar jayiye aeho jiyan maavan toh' ..... So thing is mother supported her sons to cut their hairs whereas she shud have atleast been strict with them on this....



Sorry to be negative, but such people are better off not representing Sikhi......

Call it natural wastage


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