# Marriages



## insearchofpeace (May 17, 2011)

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh.

I have this question in my mind for so long and I wanted to get the right answers. I have heard a lot that it's not us who find a partner, it depends on "sanjog" that God has already made these planning for us with whom we will get  married and all. 
I also once heard the katha in which Giani Sant Singh ji Maskeen says that what will happen will and what won't will never, i mean does this go with everything in our life?
CHINTA TA KI KIJIAI, JO ANHONI HOE
No matter what we try to do what is meant to happen will and what won't will never? Is this meant to be understood this way?
So if something happens in our life it was meant to happen?

Thank you for reading and replying. 

Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh.


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## kds1980 (May 17, 2011)

> I have this question in my mind for so long and I wanted to get the right answers. I have heard a lot that it's not us who find a partner, it depends on "sanjog" that God has already made these planning for us with whom we will get married and all.



But a person have to make effort in order to get married just like he she do when he searches for job or for education.One cannot say that if it is in my destiny to do job then Job will come to my home ,you have to go to various job interviews in order to get Job.Similarly a person have to make an effort in order to get married to right person


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## insearchofpeace (May 17, 2011)

Yeah that is true, i do believe that we have to work for something even if it is in our destiny. 
Just confused whether it is all our choice or destiny's choice too in getting married to a person.


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## Archived_Member16 (May 17, 2011)

*Different prospective, as a matter of further interest:*

*Soul Mates

The Soul Mate Myth & Challenges in Soul Mate Marriages*

By Sheri & Bob Stritof, *About.com* Guide 

The notion of "soul mates" has been around a very, very long time.

However, there are several viewpoints as to how to describe "soul mates" ... even on how to spell it! Some people spell the term as a whole word, soulmate and others, including us, prefer to keep it as two words, soul mate.

*Soul Mate Descriptions*

•*General Belief*: Many people believe that soul mates can accept and love every part of the other's personality and that life with a soul mate is easy and natural.

•*Our Belief:* We don't believe a soul mate is the "ideal or one and only person" in someone's life. Our definition of soul mates is individuals who both want their marriage to be a great one. Their marriage relationship feels like a natural fit. Although they, like all married couples, need to put a priority on their marriage, it is not hard to do because they have a sense of being at ease and connected with one another.

*Soul Mate Challenges*

If you believe in the idea of only one soul mate for each person, you may assume that a partnership of two soul mates should be able to handle challenging times easily. That may not always be the case.

 Just because you are in tune to one another, each of you are willing to take responsibility for your role in contributing to the conflict, and are both committed to making the marriage a successful one -- your marriage can still fall apart if other essentials such as love, respect, and communication are missing.

If you start looking for perfection in your spouse, or think that everything in your relationship should immediately click, and that there won't be any problems, you are setting yourself up for a dose of heavy disillusionment. Another danger in believing in the concept of soul mates is taking your marriage relationship for granted.

There can be temptation to bail out of an unhappy marriage if you think your spouse isn't your soul mate. If you think that marriage to your soul mate will mean a life free from hard times and conflict, you are not facing reality.

If you think you've not married your soul mate1, don't just walk away from the relationship for that reason alone. Spend some time getting to know yourself a bit better first. You can't find your perceived soul mate if you haven't found yourself first.

More Soul Mate Descriptions

*•Reincarnation:* Some believe that a soul mate is someone with whom a person has shared other life times through reincarnation. 

The soul mate could be a friend, business partner, parent, child, sibling, spouse or other family member. These soul mates can be of the same or opposite sex.

•*Other Half:* Others believe, like the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, that a soul mate is a person's "other half". This concept was the basis of the movie, The Butcher's Wife2 where the idea of "split-aparts" searching for one another was explored. People all over the world believe that we are all searching for someone to make us whole and to share our journey of life with.

•*A dictionary3 definition is*: One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity. A person temperamentally suited to another.

*•Predestination:* The movie Still Breathing4 examines the thought that people are drawn together as soul mates by destiny or fate and that being with our soul mate is something we have no control over. This idea of predestination and connection even after death between soul mates was also examined in the movie What Dreams May Come.5

•*Making Life Come to Life*: Richard Bach describes soul mates as "A soulmate is someone who has the locks to fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we; we can be loved for who we are and for who we're pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person were safe in our paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life. "

•*Profound Connection:* Thomas Moore, in his book Soul Mates: Honoring the Mysteries of Love and Relationship, page xvii, describes a soul mate as "someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communication and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life."

source:http://marriage.about.com/cs/soulmates/a/soulmates.htm


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## pamma (May 19, 2011)

If marriages are made in Heaven, why do some go wrong? Isn't Heaven supposed to be perfect? Well one has to work to make a marriage go. Remember "Himmate marda, muddate Khuda."


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## spnadmin (May 19, 2011)

imho, Satguruji has given us a long leash, and ample opportunity to learn how to find our way back to the Sat. Why not?


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## Harry Haller (May 25, 2011)

just to put my two pennies in, I was convinced I wanted a soulmate type of marriage, until my wife handed me an article on twin flames. 

I quote 

You are a spiritual being.  Your twin soul relationship awakens you to your true self.  Manifesting your twin soul relationship is part of  your awakening to your true self. You are a soul with a body. It is this concept that you must embrace and understand to manifest your twin soul relationship. It is a relationship between souls. In order to enjoy this relationship you must transition from an ego/personality/body with a soul to a soul with a body which is your true state of existence. There are many roads to reach this state, you may visualize, affirm, or meditate. but until you reach your true self your Twin Soul relationship will remain just out of your reach. It is why so many are discourage or counseled to abandon this difficult relationship. The difficulty comes because we have become complacent living as a ego/personality instead of the true souls we are. When we reach for the twin soul relationship we do so through ego/personality means and find that the relationship cause “pain, frustration, and angst. Those are only reminders that we are a spiritual being  encased in an ego driven physical form it is not a sign that you should abandon the relationship. Instead it is a sign  that it is time to begin our spiritual journey as a soul in this physical world.  We are being pushed to break out of the ego/persona;ity/ body  existence and step into the true self. Meeting your twin soul is the alarm clock that says it is time to wake up.


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (May 25, 2011)

> I have heard a lot that it's not us who find a partner, it depends on "sanjog" that God has already made these planning for us with whom we will get married and all.


ਸੰਜੋਗ is said to be Union. Vijog is said to be separation. Sanjog, as elders say, is plainly your earthly union with another human. ਸੰਜੋਗ in eyes of Gursikh is Union with Waheguru. Anyway, if you get married to a person, the inevitability of that happening is same as your cause of death.



> what will happen will and what won't will never, i mean does this go with everything in our life?
> CHINTA TA KI KIJIAI, JO ANHONI HOE


Yes my friend, everything is planned. God is planning everything for you at every step. We just execute His Plans.

Now comes to the basic question of Heavens. Match made in Heavens? All are! All matches are made by God. No match in God's eye is good or bad. But some match will take you further from Waheguru. Some will bring closer. Everything in Sikh's life is measured on a scale of being nearer or farther from Waheguru. And neither is good or bad. Waheguru just changes our game plan by a little bit. And we have to adapt.


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## pamma (May 25, 2011)

Every sanjog and viyog is in the hands of the Masterplanner, agreed but we also have to learn to accept it. Acceptance can solve many problems. Some sanjogs are blissful and some are painful. This is all karam. The almighty loves all of us but he has a very important task of being the CHIEF Justice and he gives us our dues in all aspects of life.


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (May 25, 2011)

Yes true, those who accept it, take it as Guru's Will. And they are forever happy. For Guru's Will is neither painful nor partly bliss. It is total Bliss.


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## pamma (May 25, 2011)

Yes 'Meetha lagey tera bhana.'

If this is made as the motto of life every marriage can survive. there will be moments which are unbearable but endurance will see them through. If one can start taking God as the ultimate spouse, than the worldly spouse can be digested, what ever be the case- sweet or bitter.


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## insearchofpeace (May 26, 2011)

Thank you everyone so much, and yeah accepting is way better and easier than denying and trying to change situations which are just in His hands, I just believe in working hard and praying to the Almighty. 
Thank you all once again.


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## insearchofpeace (May 26, 2011)

Yes my friend said:
			
		

> I really wanted this answer, I mean this is what I was looking for, that whatever is happening, it's His will.


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