# Right Or Wrong? Insulting Or Not?



## SinghWeapon (Oct 20, 2011)

I know its a little bit long please bear with me. Thanks in advance.

Every Sikh has his own journey. I have some thoughts on my mind I would like opinion and feedback on. I've kept my turban since I was born, during the teenage years I trimmed my beard and such, although I never did or would cut my hair(on my head). To be honest and say it in the best way I can thinkg of, the reason I trim my beard is to be more "presentable", this goes for business..social..and what else not. I've grown up in a different atmoshphere than most around me(Toronto). I've always been "respected" and "given respect" when seen in public by anyone..due to my past actions and decisions. I do definetly believe in my faith and I am more than willing to stand up for my faith and beliefs physically if the situation ever demands. I do constantly think of Waheguru and chant it repetitively with deep love. I understand what is allowed in our faith and what is forbidden. When at times people do ask me why I keep my turban but trim my beard, I say to them I am a Sikh and will always be one, and I'll let nothing change that, and above all, only the almighty can judge me. I've fought police officers in the holding cell, when they tell me I need to remove my turban, I tell them "You will have to fight me for it". I am who I am, I think the way I do, and I walk with my head held up high. Unfortunatly..I drink, I eat meat, I do bad things, I smoke marijuana (its been cut down to next to nothing, but when I ask myself if I will ever do it again, I cant say no with confidence), ive been involved in criminal activities and commited unlawful acts. Why do I eat meat? The protein benefits and almost necessary for extreme bodybuilding. Why do I drink? My people around me, we drink when we get together and have goodtimes..we drink to get drunk and buzzing, its a very common thing we do, theres nothing more to it. Why do I smoke weed? I smoke weed to relax myself, listen to music, and connect to things in a way I wouldnt be able to when not under the influence of marijuana. Why am I/once was involved in criminial activities? Im very well connected and sometimes oppertunities are put forth me that are almost exclusive. HERES MY DILEMMA: Most recently, i've been more and more eager to grow my beard, because I feel that nothing should stop me in perserving the image of my faith and I should feel proud to have a big beard and also show the youth that no..you dont have to trim your beard to be "accepted" and "look good", and that you shouldnt let anything come in your way, you should be strong, happy, and proud to be who you are and let nobody else change the way you are because they think so. This is a growing problem I see everyday around my community, alot of sikhs dont wear turbans, alot of the sikhs that do wear turbans infact a large number of them; have trimmed beards, we see this in not only teens and young adults, but adults and grown men. My problem is, that for the past few months ive grown my beard, im proud to have it and love it greatly, but I also drink, and eat meat aswell. Lets say im in public, and im at a pita shop eating a chicken wrap, or im at the lcbo picking up a bottle, I dont care what people think - I dont let it affect me, but what worries me is that, regardless of this, it gives people a wrong image, probably make them raise an eyebrow or two, and fellow Sikhs might take it as an insult and a public humiliation. Now what am I supposed to do? If I have chosen to connect more with my faith..but dont see myself quitting meat and liquor, and am not quite there yet. I know its not right, but I still do it. Im not as bad of a person as it may seem, Im on the right track..given up most of my bad habits and involvements, I have been focusing on education and development, and I have been trying to be nicer to my mother..(N)very bad! What matters to me is that I am making progess in discovering whats right and connecting myself with the more important things that life has to offer. Ive made lots of bad decisions; I regret most of them, others were unavoidable, ive learned things the hard way and been through lots of rough times, and it is probably a direct result of my actions..but people dont realize that until theyve commited it..and have to deal with the consequences and things arent done as easy as they are said. the mind plays tricks and the heart decieves. i wish for all my young ones to learn the mistakes ive made and not explore there dark side, for them to lead a better upbringing than one I have, and for them to learn from me my strengths and accomplishments and not my weaknesses and failures. My father trims his beard, my uncles trim there beards, my older cousins trim there beards, my little brothers(2) trim there beards, and my younger cousins are not yet old enough to grow facial hair, but now when they see me commiting to not trimming my beard, it makes them think twice.. and the little ones look at me with wonder. I apoligize if my story/question has insulted or angered anyone, its simply my story and its the truth, it is what it is, all I ask is if you may give me your opinion and thoughts. Full Singh with turban and beard, drinking and eating meat. PM's are welcome to anyone who may want to. Once again, I apoligize if reading my thoughts and bits of my life has insulted or angered you. Thank You for reading.


----------



## Arvind (Oct 20, 2011)

Dear SinghWeapon,

Thanks for sharing... All of us have same destination. All of us take different paths, sometimes diversions too. Regardless of what you do, or look like, you will continue to get reactions from people surrounding you. Due to your actions, you seem to be already respected, and that sounds like for the right reasons/decisions. Some people may find it an exaggeration, but I personally feel when one comes in sikhi bana, that person becomes a full fledged ambassador, a representative of the whole community. If such a person does good, kind things.. it works in favor of other seekers automatically, and inspire all of us to lead a better life. Example - Baba Fauja Singh Ji. I had so many people come see me and ask more about my activities and diet etc, just because of him. And even if I don't do any running or pay much attention to diet, but all this has influenced me to pay attention to that. At the same time, many people would simply ask me - where is your cab? Reason - People see most of us in this profession. So a small action becomes representative of whole community instantly. Hope you got my point.

Even if get over the reaction of people around us, most important is how we feel in this uniform, and how we are going to influence the fellow sikhs with this. And just uniform is not enough. Sikh is defined by Guru sahib in the shabad - Gur Satgur Ka Jo Sikh Akhaye... My strong feeling is - once one decides to stay on track with His grace, nothing can divert him. 

There are lot of things I wanted to write today, but somehow flow of thoughts is not coming out smoothly. Anyways, just wanted to write my inputs 

Have a great day brother! Seek Guru Sahib's blessings, and stick to the path. Dont worry about what others do, Listen to the calling of your heart.

Guru Fateh Ji.


----------



## Kanwaljit.Singh (Oct 20, 2011)

> To be honest and say it in the best way I can thinkg of, the reason I trim my beard is to be more "presentable", this goes for business..social..and what else not.



I have a prof here in Univ who keeps long uncut beard (and he is not a muslim!). He is one of the big names in the area of privacy and cryptography. He is gone this week for a talk where he is 'presenting' a paper. When he's back, am sure he won't be through trying to be more presentable himself.



> I've fought police officers in the holding cell, when they tell me I need to remove my turban, I tell them "You will have to fight me for it". I am who I am, I think the way I do, and I walk with my head held up high.



That's really brave of you. So they allowed you? In Canada?



> Its a very common thing we do, theres nothing more to it.



Some times we have to choose who we wish to be, even re-thinking our hobbies and social activities that may be too common around us.



> Why do I smoke weed? I smoke weed to relax myself, listen to music, and connect to things in a way I wouldnt be able to when not under the influence of marijuana.



Do you relax or you just plus the power cord of your mind? Does it last forever or just a few hours? What if you took help of Gurbani, reading it so much that you had the Insight? Then you will be relaxed all the time, you will not mess up with your mind and body and you will connect to everything without external influence.

I would just say that you keeping track of yourself and where you are going, is a great idea.



> Most recently, i've been more and more eager to grow my beard, because I feel that nothing should stop me in perserving the image of my faith and I should feel proud to have a big beard



Going one step at a time.



> Also show the youth that no..you dont have to trim your beard to be "accepted" and "look good", and that you shouldnt let anything come in your way, you should be strong, happy, and proud to be who you are and let nobody else change the way you are because they think so.



I have an advice. Might sound weird. Don't do it for anyone. Do it for Your connection with Guru. You will keep long beard and find out no one is getting inspired. Youth are going on doing what they want to without listening to the Guru. But if you say to yourself, my beard is part of me and I have to be on my way of being complete, that will do wonders.



> Probably make them raise an eyebrow or two, and fellow Sikhs might take it as an insult and a public humiliation.



Why would it be insulting to them? Only if they are talking to Guru, saying what has Sikhi come to? You did so much for your Sikhs and see what they are doing? What would Guru say? I only provide the sun and water, love and care, everyone will reap what they sow. Why is this fact humiliating?



> Now what am I supposed to do?



Sometimes, 3-4 things have to be done before you do the last bit. You cannot paint a wall if there is no iron frame, no brickwork, no cementing etc. I believe its best that you tackle the tougher bits of problems before you go for simpler ones. But anyway once if you have started doing something good, no matter how easy/tough, NEVER GO BACK. Don't turn your back to Guru, turn back to everything that is corrupting your body and mind. Keep walking and soon you shall be free of them, they are temporal things of this world and have an expiry date. But your love for Guru is Eternal and that is the only thing to grab onto.



> What matters to me is that I am making progess in discovering whats right and connecting myself with the more important things that life has to offer. Ive made lots of bad decisions; I regret most of them, others were unavoidable, ive learned things the hard way and been through lots of rough times, and it is probably a direct result of my actions..but people dont realize that until theyve commited it..and have to deal with the consequences and things arent done as easy as they are said.



Truly said!



> I wish for all my young ones to learn the mistakes ive made and not explore there dark side, for them to lead a better upbringing than one I have, and for them to learn from me my strengths and accomplishments and not my weaknesses and failures.



Now it is up to you to inspire your young ones, by turning the tables.

If you still wish to keep drinking option open, I will share what Guru says:


ਮਾਣਸੁ ਭਰਿਆ ਆਣਿਆ ਮਾਣਸੁ ਭਰਿਆ ਆਇ ॥ 
माणसु भरिआ आणिआ माणसु भरिआ आइ ॥ 
Māṇas bẖari▫ā āṇi▫ā māṇas bẖari▫ā ā▫e. 
One person brings a full bottle, and another fills his cup. 

ਜਿਤੁ ਪੀਤੈ ਮਤਿ ਦੂਰਿ ਹੋਇ ਬਰਲੁ ਪਵੈ ਵਿਚਿ ਆਇ ॥ 
जितु पीतै मति दूरि होइ बरलु पवै विचि आइ ॥ 
Jiṯ pīṯai maṯ ḏūr ho▫e baral pavai vicẖ ā▫e. 
Drinking the wine, his intelligence departs, and madness enters his mind; 

ਆਪਣਾ ਪਰਾਇਆ ਨ ਪਛਾਣਈ ਖਸਮਹੁ ਧਕੇ ਖਾਇ ॥ 
आपणा पराइआ न पछाणई खसमहु धके खाइ ॥ 
Āpṇā parā▫i▫ā na pacẖẖāṇ▫ī kẖasmahu ḏẖake kẖā▫e. 
he cannot distinguish between his own and others, and he is struck down by his Lord and Master. 

ਜਿਤੁ ਪੀਤੈ ਖਸਮੁ ਵਿਸਰੈ ਦਰਗਹ ਮਿਲੈ ਸਜਾਇ ॥ 
जितु पीतै खसमु विसरै दरगह मिलै सजाइ ॥ 
Jiṯ pīṯai kẖasam visrai ḏargėh milai sajā▫e. 
Drinking it, he forgets his Lord and Master, and he is punished in the Court of the Lord. 

ਝੂਠਾ ਮਦੁ ਮੂਲਿ ਨ ਪੀਚਈ ਜੇ ਕਾ ਪਾਰਿ ਵਸਾਇ ॥ 
झूठा मदु मूलि न पीचई जे का पारि वसाइ ॥ 
Jẖūṯẖā maḏ mūl na pīcẖ▫ī je kā pār vasā▫e. 
Do not drink the false wine at all, if it is in your power. 

ਨਾਨਕ ਨਦਰੀ ਸਚੁ ਮਦੁ ਪਾਈਐ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਮਿਲੈ ਜਿਸੁ ਆਇ ॥ 
नानक नदरी सचु मदु पाईऐ सतिगुरु मिलै जिसु आइ ॥ 
Nānak naḏrī sacẖ maḏ pā▫ī▫ai saṯgur milai jis ā▫e. 
O Nanak, the True Guru comes and meets the mortal; by His Grace, one obtains the True Wine. 

ਸਦਾ ਸਾਹਿਬ ਕੈ ਰੰਗਿ ਰਹੈ ਮਹਲੀ ਪਾਵੈ ਥਾਉ ॥੧॥ 
सदा साहिब कै रंगि रहै महली पावै थाउ ॥१॥ 
Saḏā sāhib kai rang rahai mahlī pāvai thā▫o. ||1||


----------



## Ambarsaria (Oct 20, 2011)

Singhweapon just couple of thoughts.  I take an analogy from Homeopathy.



> The eradication of disease happens in the reverse order of its growth.


 I am not talking literal disease just an analogy.

So perhaps best for you to honestly think for yourself.  Start backtracking what you consider the last bad towards good.  Do as much as you possibly can without relapses in such process.  

Remember we are all born as a clean slate and a bright start that shined ever so bright at birth.

Sat Sri Akal.


----------



## findingmyway (Oct 22, 2011)

SinghWeapon ji,
What I am about to say is not supposed to be insulting or judgemental. 
*You say in your post that you would be willing to give your life for Sikhi but how can you be sure of this when you cannot give up marijuana or alcohol and cannot keep kesh for your religion? I would have thought those would be easier than giving up life?!
*Eating meat has nothing to do with Sikhi. Please read http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikh-sikhi-sikhism/8828-fools-who-wrangle-over-flesh.html
*IMHO a Sikh with turban but shaved/cut beard looks silly and not presentable. It just looks wrong!!

Try and immerse yourself more in Gurbani (understanding and not just reading) to help you on the way. Good luck!!


----------



## Harry Haller (Oct 23, 2011)

findingmywayji

There are those sikhs who need a huge amount of discipline being a sikh, its hard work for them, they have to fight the thieves, to be struggle to stay away from booze and drugs, but on the whole, they struggle through, knowing what is right and wrong

 and there are those who fully embrace every facet of sikhi without the need for discipline and hard work, they are enchanted  by the connection with the Creator, they have a mantra 'to protect and serve' and it is all they wish to do, they lie in bed waiting impatiently for morning so that they can pray and experience being in tune with Creator, they love their hair, they look at alcohol and drugs as something second best, as an inferior state of mind, a state of mind they could not enjoy, or wish for, they are at peace, and they make huge contributions to making this world a better place, I know which sikh I would rather be


----------



## Randip Singh (Oct 23, 2011)

SinghWeapon said:


> Full Singh with turban and beard, drinking and eating meat. PM's are welcome to anyone who may want to. Once again, I apoligize if reading my thoughts and bits of my life has insulted or angered you. Thank You for reading.



Well if you are not a baptised Sikh then you can do pretty much what you want. I don't think you should smoke if you have a turban however.

According to the Sikh Rehat Maryada, once you have taken Amrit the following 4 transgressions must be avoided:

http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikh-sikhi-sikhism/8828-fools-who-wrangle-over-flesh.html

In the Rehit Marayada (http://www.sgpc.net/rehat_maryada/section_six.html), Section Six, it states: 
The undermentioned four transgressions (tabooed practices) must be avoided 
1. Dishonouring the hair;
2. Eating the meat of an animal slaughtered the Muslim way(Kutha); 
3. Cohabiting with a person other than one's spouse
4. Using tobacco.
Sikh Rehit Maryada 


So basically, don't trim your hair, don't eat ritually killed meat like halal (Jhatka is recommended), don't be unfaithful, and make sure you marry the person your going to live with, and don't use tobacco.

As for alcohol, I would avoid it. It can be used mediccinally from what I understand, as it is in most medicines anyway.


----------



## Scarlet Pimpernel (Oct 23, 2011)

SinghWeapon said:
			
		

> Most recently, i've been *more and more eager to grow my beard*, because I feel that nothing should stop me in perserving the image of my faith and I should feel proud to have a big beard and also show the youth that no..you dont have to trim your beard


 
*Veera ,be more and more eager to grow your virtue, your beard will grow itself.*Don't feel proud of a big beard,if you have to feel proud,then be proud of your Guru .His image to be preserved is of Truth.


> I say to them I am a Sikh and will always be one, and I'll let nothing change that, and above all, only the almighty can judge me. I've fought police officers in the holding cell, when they tell me I need to remove my turban, I tell them "You will have to fight me for it". I am who I am, I think the way I do, and I walk with my head held up high


 
Shera a turban is more than what you think it is ,*once you have committed a crime ,in a way you have already removed it*,then what is it that you are holding onto?Please hold onto the Guru's principles as tight as you hold onto your turban.


----------



## findingmyway (Oct 25, 2011)

harry haller said:


> findingmywayji
> 
> There are those sikhs who need a huge amount of discipline being a sikh, its hard work for them, they have to fight the thieves, to be struggle to stay away from booze and drugs, but on the whole, they struggle through, knowing what is right and wrong
> 
> and there are those who fully embrace every facet of sikhi without the need for discipline and hard work, they are enchanted  by the connection with the Creator, they have a mantra 'to protect and serve' and it is all they wish to do, they lie in bed waiting impatiently for morning so that they can pray and experience being in tune with Creator, they love their hair, they look at alcohol and drugs as something second best, as an inferior state of mind, a state of mind they could not enjoy, or wish for, they are at peace, and they make huge contributions to making this world a better place, I know which sikh I would rather be



No person finds it easy. It's just our hurdles are different but do not belittle anothers journey and efforts. Life is what you make of it.

This shabad was read on Sunday at Gurdwara and I thought it was very fitting!

Ang 23
ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੧ ਘਰੁ ੨ ॥
Sireeraag Mehalaa 1 Ghar 2 ||


ਧਨੁ ਜੋਬਨੁ ਅਰੁ ਫੁਲੜਾ ਨਾਠੀਅੜੇ ਦਿਨ ਚਾਰਿ ॥
Dhhan Joban Ar Fularraa Naatheearrae Dhin Chaar ||
Wealth, the beauty of youth and flowers are guests for only a few days.


ਪਬਣਿ ਕੇਰੇ ਪਤ ਜਿਉ ਢਲਿ ਢੁਲਿ ਜੁੰਮਣਹਾਰ ॥੧॥
Paban Kaerae Path Jio Dtal Dtul Junmanehaar ||1||
Like the leaves of the water-lily, they wither and fade and finally die. ||1||


ਰੰਗੁ ਮਾਣਿ ਲੈ ਪਿਆਰਿਆ ਜਾ ਜੋਬਨੁ ਨਉ ਹੁਲਾ ॥
Rang Maan Lai Piaariaa Jaa Joban No Hulaa ||
Be happy, dear beloved, as long as your youth is fresh and delightful find peace for your soul.


ਦਿਨ ਥੋੜੜੇ ਥਕੇ ਭਇਆ ਪੁਰਾਣਾ ਚੋਲਾ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
Dhin Thhorrarrae Thhakae Bhaeiaa Puraanaa Cholaa ||1|| Rehaao ||
But your days are few-you grow weary, and when your body grows old it is difficult to remember have devotion. ||1||Pause||


ਸਜਣ ਮੇਰੇ ਰੰਗੁਲੇ ਜਾਇ ਸੁਤੇ ਜੀਰਾਣਿ ॥
Sajan Maerae Rangulae Jaae Suthae Jeeraan ||
My playful friends have gone to sleep in the graveyard.


ਹੰ ਭੀ ਵੰਞਾ ਡੁਮਣੀ ਰੋਵਾ ਝੀਣੀ ਬਾਣਿ ॥੨॥
Han Bhee Vannjaa Ddumanee Rovaa Jheenee Baan ||2||
In my double-mindedness, I shall have to go as well. I cry in a feeble voice. I am struggling to understand I will go there too. ||2||


ਕੀ ਨ ਸੁਣੇਹੀ ਗੋਰੀਏ ਆਪਣ ਕੰਨੀ ਸੋਇ ॥
Kee N Sunaehee Goreeeae Aapan Kannee Soe ||
Haven't you heard the call from beyond, O beautiful soul-bride?


ਲਗੀ ਆਵਹਿ ਸਾਹੁਰੈ ਨਿਤ ਨ ਪੇਈਆ ਹੋਇ ॥੩॥
Lagee Aavehi Saahurai Nith N Paeeeaa Hoe ||3||
You must go to your in-laws (join Whaeguru); you cannot stay with your parents (this life) forever. ||3||


ਨਾਨਕ ਸੁਤੀ ਪੇਈਐ ਜਾਣੁ ਵਿਰਤੀ ਸੰਨਿ ॥
Naanak Suthee Paeeeai Jaan Virathee Sann ||
O Nanak, know that the person who sleeps in their parents' home is plundered of their good qualities in broad daylight, i.e. by not looking past the world at your soul, it is hard to develop gunn or good qualities.



ਗੁਣਾ ਗਵਾਈ ਗੰਠੜੀ ਅਵਗਣ ਚਲੀ ਬੰਨਿ ॥੪॥੨੪॥
Gunaa Gavaaee Gantharree Avagan Chalee Bann ||4||24||
They have lost their bouquet of merits; so gather the burden without merit for the journey. ||4||24||

*Life is what you make of it. I wish I took this message to heart more too!*


----------

