# What Do Sikh Women Look For In Men?



## Navdeep88 (Feb 18, 2010)

Since we already have a thread on what Sikh men look for in women, its only right that we also hear from sikh women. What qualities do you look for in men? This is not exclusive to romantic relationships...what do you admire most about all the men in your lives: fathers, brothers and of course husbands etc? 

And what do you admire least? :inca:


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Feb 19, 2010)

OK, my perfect man.  Guys, please don't get defensive.  Very few, if any achieve perfection.

...to start on the outside and journey inward.

First I look for a full kes and a well-tied turban.  I admit, I love the appearance of Punjabi men, but I'm sure the _gora_ Sikhs are quite handsome, as well.

Next, since I am a woman, I prefer a man who respects me as a woman and cherishes my woman-ness.  I do not mean this in a sexual-physical way (unless I'm talking about my husband), I mean that we now know that the female brain and the male brain work a bit differently.  I promise that if he'll cherish this in me, I'll cherish his man brain, too.  (If not, I make no promises.)

He must be interested in social justice and causes beyond his immediate self-concerns.  He must be willing to put himself out a little or a lot for what he believes is right.  

I keep getting interrupted, so I'll just give a summary.

My ideal man is a real Khalsa with a sense of humour.  That's it.  A chardi kala Gursikh Khalsa.


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## findingmyway (Aug 17, 2010)

My ideal man would be someone who accepted me for who I am. Of course someone with kesh and turban goes without saying!


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## gursikhi.jeevan (Aug 26, 2010)

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I think we all most likely look for similar things. I specifically Love! If a person is able to give you love then there is no need to look for anything else. Love is hard to find but it does exist. Till we find it, we tend to look for personality traits that attract us.


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## Randip Singh (Aug 27, 2010)

From my experience:

A HUGE










































Bank Balance!


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Aug 27, 2010)

Randip Singh said:


> From my experience:
> 
> A HUGE
> 
> ...



Unfortunately this is often true.  :motherlylove:


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## spnadmin (Aug 27, 2010)

I am sure that there are Singhs who would not turn down a rich Singhni welcomekaur


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Aug 27, 2010)

Narayanjot Kaur said:


> I am sure that there are Singhs who would not turn down a rich Singhni welcomekaur


You're joking, of course!  All our beloved Singhs are of the highest possible character, far beyond the desire for material wealth.  In a wife they are looking only for a life's companion to walk by their side with love and confidence, strong and independent, compassionate and intelligent.  A true Khalsa.

And, of course, drop dead gorgeous. 

icecreamkaur


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## kds1980 (Aug 27, 2010)

Narayanjot Kaur said:


> I am sure that there are Singhs who would not turn down a rich Singhni welcomekaur



Well even a glance of any matrimonial site of India  could tell that in any community of India the first pre condition to contact the parents and girl is The financial status and income of boy.Only after that other things come 

But in the case of boy the above may not be true.many many boys may prefer to marry fair skinned beauties than marrying rich girls.

so here both parties are have different priorities for life partners.


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## ik-jivan (Aug 27, 2010)

Oh, my ideal is pretty simple. . . he only has to be gurmukh. 

As for preferences, a neatly tied dastar, with kes under that and an intelligent mind under that and a saint-soldier with a radiant heart under that would be a gift to cherish. 

As a life-partner, he would have to agree that the reason for joining is to learn about the opposite gender and that agreement about the mundane things in life isn’t likely to come without compromise, communication and cooperation.

As for what I find attractive in a man, intelligence, diligence to duties, purposeful living, selflessness, equipoise, honour, respect and dynamic energy. . . a man on a mission to serve man and God, in which ever way his destiny determines. . . a gurmukh.

What I find extremely unattractive is deceitfulness, arrogance, cruelty, laziness and selfishness . . . these ‘qualities’ are enough to make me want to take a stiletto to his forehead to open up his mind. Clearly, I try to avoid this type for the sake of preserving man-kind, but when I can’t, I become the ‘bigger man’ and attempt to set an example.


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## Astroboy (Apr 25, 2011)

ik-jivan said:


> Oh, my ideal is pretty simple. . . he only has to be gurmukh.
> 
> As a life-partner, he would have to agree that the reason for joining is to learn about the opposite gender and that agreement about the mundane things in life isn’t likely to come without compromise, communication and cooperation.
> 
> As for what I find attractive in a man, intelligence, diligence to duties, purposeful living, selflessness, equipoise, honour, respect and dynamic energy. . . a man on a mission to serve man and God, in which ever way his destiny determines. . . a gurmukh.



How would a man know that he has these qualities. Normally one doesn't know one's achievements. There could be someone out there who's just right for your/one's needs but he doesn't know it, so he settles for a simpler life partner.


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## Seeker9 (Apr 25, 2011)

> these ‘qualities’ are enough to make me want to take a stiletto to his forehead to open up his mind.



I gulped when I read that......:scared:

But agree those are not desirable qualities....he typed nervously......


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (May 11, 2012)

What about a man who daily oscillates between 2 extremes of everything?


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## Inderjeet Kaur (May 11, 2012)

ik-jivan said:


> Oh, my ideal is pretty simple. . . he only has to be gurmukh.
> 
> As for preferences, a neatly tied dastar, with kes under that and an intelligent mind under that and a saint-soldier with a radiant heart under that would be a gift to cherish.
> 
> ...



When you find him, please find out if he has a much older, single brother.

kudihug


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## Astroboy (Jul 1, 2012)

What Men Need to Know About Women      - YouTube


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## lionprinceuk (Nov 26, 2012)

I can post matrimonial lists from UK Gurdwaras if anyone wants an idea of what sikh females want?


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## missnice91 (Jan 26, 2013)

Someone who appreciates you and wants you as a part of their life.
Someone who likes children and is not scared of being a father.
Someone who is strong and protective in heart and mind.
Someone who... is willing to try something new for the other... Perhaps cooking icecreamkaur


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## Harkiran Kaur (Jan 26, 2013)

For me, I want someone who is not a control freak (who wants to dominate and be head of house etc).  I want to be seen as an EQUAL partner in marriage.  I also would like a man who is not afraid to help out around the house sometimes (after all men make messes too!) and help with cooking.  I have a career, and do not plan to give everything up to become a housewife / maid for a man.  So I need someone who will respect that in me, ....that I am a hard worker and will do everything to make both my career life and home life work, but that he should also do the same and help out!  Money is not that important to me, but having a good work ethic is.  Also I volunteer in the community so it would be good to meet someone with the same ideals.  Basically I want to find my best friend, soul mate  

I AM attracted mostly to Punjabi guys...  always have been.  And I prefer full turban wearing with their kesh!  

(I had worried that finding a Punjabi man who would also fit the above with helping round the home etc... surprisingly, the men I have talked to, all said they have no problems helping their wives and have no issues with their wives also having a career!) - well all except that one guy I spoke to on FB who said the women's place is cooking cleaning and not have a career.... but he was not a good example!


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## Ishna (Jan 26, 2013)

> Someone who... is willing to try something new for the other... Perhaps cooking


 
Mine tried that once... many many years ago... the microwave caught fire (foil + microwave = fire) and the end product was massively undercooked.

But it's the thought that counts!  hehehe He's pretty good at pancakes though, I'll give him that.  :motherlylove:


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## Tejwant Singh (Jan 26, 2013)

Guru Fateh to all. 

I must admit that none of us men are the Knights riding the white horses to lift you up,  and vanish in the sunset with you.

None of us are neither angels nor horned devils/witches, talking about both sexes. All of  you have expressed your desires what you need in a man but hardly anyone of you has expressed what you can be for the men you want to love which is sad and appalling for me as a man who has been happily married for 24 years, a proud spouse and a parent of 2 wonderful kids; a girl Jaskeerat 22  and a son Trimaan 17 and mind you, I have lived my life from the age of 16 on my own around the world.

We should be rather talking about  what both men and women can offer each other to create a solid foundation for the long lasting relationship. Neither men nor women are products on display as mannequins. It is much deeper than that.

Domestic violence is a very grave thing and sadly the domestic violence against both sexes is ignored or less reported.Think about domestic violence and you think of women, battered by their husband, boyfriend, or a man they used to involved with. Now, think again. Every year in the U.S., about 3.2 million men are the victims of an assault by an intimate partner. Most assaults are of a relatively minor nature such as pushing, shoving, slapping or hitting, though many are more serious - and some end in homicide.

Below, I have given some synopsis and 2 sites relating to the domestic abuse. One can Google more to get better information.

After reading these and others, please share your views and the request goes to both genders. And we have not talked about homosexuality which is not of any one's choosing.

Will be waiting for the input.

Tejwant Singh


National

Domestic violence

One in four women (25%) has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime.
(The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and The National Institute of Justice, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, July     2000. The Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998 Survey of Women’s Health, 1999)http://www.dvrc-or.org/domestic/violence/resources/C61/

Men often suffer physical abuse in silence because they are afraid that no one will believe them or take them seriously. In fact, some men who do try to get help find that they are mocked and ridiculed. No one would even think of telling a battered woman that getting beaten by her husband wasn’t a big deal, but people often don’t think twice about saying that to a battered man. Many men are too embarrassed to admit that they are being abused.http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/men.htm


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## gurtej khubbar (Jan 26, 2013)

I here reflect the true reality . Everyone and I mean every girl in my family 
is married to cut surd, and this was the girl choice. We can only blame ourself for this but society has played a bigger role in overall mentality. 

Ever seens a gursikh as a hero in punjabi movie? All songs mention alcohol and how cool punjabis are but the reality being current crop of
Punjabis are as bad as those money , ego and lust Filled kings . The only thing these days that make
Me proud as a punjabi is its history but it cant keep on carrying the burden.

At the same time, I actually like a sikh with knowledge of gurbani and who leads a true life as oppose to many of baptised Akal takht big men. Young Boys and girls need to learn punjabi and sikh history but sadly all they
learn is about mythological references.

Thanks


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## Ishna (Jan 26, 2013)

Tejwant Singh said:


> Guru Fateh to all.
> 
> I must admit that none of us men are the Knights riding the white horses to lift you up, and vanish in the sunset with you.
> 
> ...


 
Tejwant ji, perhaps the focus has been on the qualities of a male because that is the focus of this particular thread (see the title).  If the thread was 'what qualities should we strive for in a Sikh relationship' the replies would probably be more balanced (we would both hope).

Just a thought anyway.  I'm sorry you feel appalled by the thread.


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## Inderjeet Kaur (Jan 26, 2013)

As a 60 year old disabled widow, my needs and desires might be a bit different than you younger ladies, in some respects.  

First, he must have a turban and uncut beard.  That's non-negotiable.  It's best if he has plentiful hair under the turban, but at our age, you never know.  That "jura" may just be a sock hiding baldness.  It's hard to know for sure until after the wedding.

He must love my intelligence and sense of humour.  He needs to enjoy my conversational skills and just adore listening to my incessant chatter.  He must want, in his heart of hearts, a woman who can neither cook nor clean and can hardly walk and who remains in chardi kala always.  Well, most of the time.  He can't be bothered by the fact that I have been married before and that I cannot have children.  Sixty is just too old for that.  He must think that my wrinkles and sagging boobs and those few extra kis, ok, maybe more than a few, are exactly what makes a woman physically attractive.  He must find my short-comings endearing, if not actually humourous and my eccentricities interesting, if not actually fascinating. He must be understanding of my moans and groans and occasional screams of pain;  arthritis can be agonising, you know.   I want a Singh who will wake up next to me with a smile, looking forward to spending the next day with me.  In short, he must take me as he finds me and enjoy me as I am.

Of course, he can expect the same from me.  I promise to deliver as best I can.

He must love me, but he absolutely must love his Guru more.  That is most important.  He needs to enjoy reading and discussing Gurbani with me, making allowances for my gross ignorance, indeed, seeing that as an opportunity to deepen his own understanding of what Guru ji is teaching us.  It mustn't bother him that I can't carry a tune and that my pronunciation is terrible and I have a tendency to jap naam in melodies of popular songs.

And, BTW, it's really for the best if he can do the deed without Viagra (Viagra has nasty side effects), but at this age, I won't be too picky, as long as he obviously finds me attractive and desirable.

And you younger Kaurs and Singhs, remember that this will be you sooner than you can possibly imagine.


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## spnadmin (Jan 26, 2013)

Ishna said:


> Tejwant ji, perhaps the focus has been on the qualities of a male because that is the focus of this particular thread (see the title).  If the thread was 'what qualities should we strive for in a Sikh relationship' the replies would probably be more balanced (we would both hope).
> 
> Just a thought anyway.  I'm sorry you feel appalled by the thread.



When one and all get to that point....Sikh Research Institute has wonderful programs and events about Sikh Marriage... real good stuff ... 


Grihast http://www.sikhri.org/grihast-training-development.html

I think I will start a thread.


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## Tejwant Singh (Jan 26, 2013)

Ishna said:


> Tejwant ji, perhaps the focus has been on the qualities of a male because that is the focus of this particular thread (see the title).  If the thread was 'what qualities should we strive for in a Sikh relationship' the replies would probably be more balanced (we would both hope).
> 
> Just a thought anyway.  I'm sorry you feel appalled by the thread.



lshna ji,

Guru Fateh.

I am very well aware of the title of the thread. I just wanted people to think outside the box of the title, yet co-related to it.

Tejwant Singh

PS: If I were single, I would be singing, "I am looking for a hard headed woman".- By  Cat Stevens- Now Yousaf Islam.


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## Shem Ari (Jan 28, 2013)

I'm not sure if I have a right to post in this thread (it may be for just Sikh women to answer?) If I may, I would like to say that studying Sikhism, The qualities I admire in Sikh men that are part of being Sikh (I believe those I am thinking of are amritdhari, definitely keshdhari) are mostly the same qualities I have always wished for in a partner, and the few Sikh friends I have had did embody these things.

I know I can't speak for all Sikh since I have only had the pleasure of speaking to a few but, those whom I did speak to, I noticed they seem to be proud of who they were yet simultaneously humble. They carried themselves well, at the same time making it clear that we were equal. They were extremely polite and I felt comfortable talking to them, even where many people I've talked to from other religions or other cultures about certain things would have or had judged me, these particular Sikh did not judge me. They were very open and educated about Sikhism and thoroughly answered any questions I had. I respected them for this because some people from other religions I have asked questions and when they do not have an answer become offended and even angry. 

Kesh, joora, turban, keeping the body in the state god gave it to you is extremely admirable and makes one very attractive, not just in a physical sense but also shows a strong sense of confidence and Sikh pride. My friends' personalities were very admirable, they were funny, friendly, very educated (about Sikhism and other things), non-judgmental, respectful and therefore very respectable.  

I'm not sure if this personalty type describes many Sikh (I suspect maybe because I am thinking of a few totally unrelated people). If it does I hope to marry a Sikh one day and be the best kaur to them possible.


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## findingmyway (Feb 12, 2013)

Tejwant Singh said:


> Guru Fateh to all.
> 
> None of us are neither angels nor horned devils/witches, talking about both sexes. All of  you have expressed your desires what you need in a man but hardly anyone of you has expressed what you can be for the men you want to love which is sad and appalling for me as a man who has been happily married for 24 years, a proud spouse and a parent of 2 wonderful kids; a girl Jaskeerat 22  and a son Trimaan 17 and mind you, I have lived my life from the age of 16 on my own around the world.
> 
> ...



Tejwant Veerji,
This thread was originally started in response to this one http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/relationships/27204-what-do-sikh-men-look-women.html

That one should be equally appalling to you. Perhaps you can also post your comments there in the interest of equality!


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## Navdeep88 (Feb 12, 2013)

I don't kno if it's something i "look" for... 
But the following are characterisitcs I admire, I've met & have in my life:

-Guys who understand the importance of Friendship as the basis of all relationships w/ the opposite gender or the same sex. This relaxes everything, allows communication & difference for One another b/c oh-my, how different we can really be.
-Kindness, the capacity to care for other beings 
-Gentleness, yes exposing vulnerability, however late or delayed does allow some sort of endearment, I guess. idk, I haven't really goten there with any guy yet, and Im totally Ok with that. 

The outer characteristics: 
Righteousness- someone who has the Capacity to keep his word. 
Protectiveness- someone who accepts responsibility for the Creatures in his life, SOMETIMES that includes me, but Not every single time, shesh, Let me breathe. [God, Lol.] 

I think Friendship is it though, I want a guy to acknowledge my co-dependence, I don't want to do everything on my Own, but I don't wanna be hanging onto your every idea and word, either. I got my own brain. I want a man who will be excited for things in my life cuz I got things to do too. I want equal excitement on both our parts about the cool things we're doing in life. 

Im aware, my ideas might be flawed or incomplete but this is really all Ive learned about interacting with the opposite sex. That I cant be completely Led, nor do I want to be... I want co-dependence.

But at the end of the day, I think it just comes down to a prayer, whatever it is you're pursuing, it's impossible to kno the end-all of anything, really you give it uour best shot & hope for the best. I guess finding, keeping a mate is the same part. Depends on God & who he's Sending or withholding. meh.


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## aristotle (Feb 13, 2013)

kds1980 said:


> Well even a glance of any matrimonial site of India  could tell that in any community of India the first pre condition to contact the parents and girl is The financial status and income of boy.Only after that other things come


Matrimonial alliance through these matrimonial sites is certainly not an example of what we call 'love marriage'. The alliances through these sites (I doubt if matrimonial sites are of any help at all, I have still to come across a couple who were introduced to each other through one of these sites) are calculated decisions. So, looking for the financial capabilities of the groom, especially in a developing country like India, is not such a bad thing to look for IMHO. After all, which father would marry his daughter to a pauper.....:interestedmunda:


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## kds1980 (Feb 13, 2013)

aristotle said:


> Matrimonial alliance through these matrimonial sites is certainly not an example of what we call 'love marriage'. The alliances through these sites (I doubt if matrimonial sites are of any help at all, I have still to come across a couple who were introduced to each other through one of these sites) are calculated decisions. So, looking for the financial capabilities of the groom, especially in a developing country like India, is not such a bad thing to look for IMHO. After all, which father would marry his daughter to a pauper.....:interestedmunda:



Of course it is not bad to look at financial capabilities of groom but this is one of main reason  why Dowry is given in India.As you climb financial ladder the number of prospective grooms become smaller and smaller and number of girls want to marry them  increase.So for every high profile Govt officer , software engineer , NRI , doctor , there are many girls which want to marry them and in arrange scenario all girls  look the same. So either that guy is going to marry the most beautiful girl or the one that will bring lot of money

If we take Dowry out of this scene then parents of less beautiful girls know that their daughters hardly has any chance of finding high profile groom and has to settle for low income guy.


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## aristotle (Feb 13, 2013)

kds1980 said:


> Of course it is not bad to look at financial capabilities of groom but this is one of main reason  why Dowry is given in India.As you climb financial ladder the number of prospective grooms become smaller and smaller and number of girls want to marry them  increase.So for every high profile Govt officer , software engineer , NRI , doctor , there are many girls which want to marry them and in arrange scenario all girls  look the same. So either that guy is going to marry the most beautiful girl or the one that will bring lot of money
> 
> If we take Dowry out of this scene then parents of less beautiful girls know that their daughters hardly has any chance of finding high profile groom and has to settle for low income guy.



Fortunately, the practice of dowry is on the ebbing side now. I know more and more people (most of them Sikhs) who decided to do away with dowry while tying the knot. I would like it to be eradicated completely.


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## kds1980 (Feb 13, 2013)

aristotle said:


> Fortunately, the practice of dowry is on the ebbing side now. I know more and more people (most of them Sikhs) who decided to do away with dowry while tying the knot. I would like it to be eradicated completely.



As long as demand of high profile grooms come from girls side , this practice cannot be eradicated .
There are always going to be direct and indirect dowry.
Some parents of Girl just purchase property in girls name and gift that property to girl at time of marriage what will you call it.

Whatever marriages I know Gold, cars or some property is always given to girl and you can't even say that parents don't have any right to give gifts to their daughters.

Of course the demand of dowry is now very much decreased , but parents of girls giving gifts to is on increasing side


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (Feb 13, 2013)

What Sikh women look for in Sikh men is not different from what Sikh men look for in Sikh women. It is mostly about values (and I presume Sikh values are universal).


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## TigerStyleZ (Feb 13, 2013)

Hahah , Sikh Women want a crazy young fella like TigerStyleZ.:singhsippingcoffee:

I am the perfectly designed love machine with luxury hair- children love me ! 



Just joking


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## Harry Haller (Feb 13, 2013)

> So either that guy is going to marry the most beautiful girl or the one that will bring lot of money



I am not sure about this, you make the men sound quite primitive. Are punjabi young men that stupid that money and looks are all that count?


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## kds1980 (Feb 13, 2013)

harry haller said:


> I am not sure about this, you make the men sound quite primitive. Are punjabi young men that stupid that money and looks are all that count?



In arrange marriages there are probably 2-3 meetings . How could any guy can judge the girl in terms of other factors in those meetings?


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## Aisha (Feb 14, 2013)

kds1980 said:


> In arrange marriages there are probably 2-3 meetings . How could any guy can judge the girl in terms of other factors in those meetings?



Education, religiosity, career goals, personal ambitions, hobbies/interests, community activism, outlook on life (adventerous or being close to family is most important etc...), deeply held beliefs (animal rights, child welfare etc etc...). All of those things could be found out after 2-3 meetings and are much more important than looks or money. 





But I'm a girl ::


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## kds1980 (Feb 14, 2013)

Aisha said:


> Education, religiosity, career goals, personal ambitions, hobbies/interests, community activism, outlook on life (adventerous or being close to family is most important etc...), deeply held beliefs (animal rights, child welfare etc etc...). All of those things could be found out after 2-3 meetings and are much more important than looks or money.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



In arrange marriage market both boy and girl present themselves as presentable as they can. This include hide your minus points as much you can.So both present their fake personality to each other.Unless boy and girl decide to date each other for atleast  6 months  may be only then they can know hint of other's  true personality


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## Ishna (Feb 14, 2013)

So arranged marriage = dowry then?


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## Luckysingh (Feb 14, 2013)

Most of sikh men are the biggest hypocrites !!
We all talk about how essential it is to keep kesh as part of sikhi...blah blah....
Then when Mr Singh has to see a couple of girls to see if he and she are suitable and can be compatible, But as soon as he sees a big dark moustache and goatee even though the girl may be absolutely stunning,  he says NO and opts for the one he saw the other week or whatever that was freshly waxed !!

The majority of these Mr Singhs do a u-turn with reference to uncut hair showing on the chin and legs when it's their time to choose !!!


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## kds1980 (Feb 14, 2013)

Ishna said:


> So arranged marriage = dowry then?



Arrange marriage = give and take. and arrange market put value on you , On the base of that value you get your partner.

Let me give an example here

Mr S is Good looking software engineer .He want to get married and receieve propasal from several girls.Based on her meetings and knowing their views with them He short listed them

A) A very good looking girl

b) An average looking  rich girl with property in her name.If Mr S decide to marry her then he knows that life will be quite easy as she has an apartment in her name.

C) Neither a good looking nor a rich girl

Now when it comes to decision  then it is either going to be Ms A or B .Ms C has to accept that she is not worth that guy

Now we take the story from point of view from a girl

Ms K decide to get married.She  is beautiful homely working.She also recieve proposals from several guys.based on their views and career she short listed 3 guys.

Mr a . He is 6 feet 2 inches very good looking with 1.5 million salary

Mr B  . He is 5-6 rich businessman with property

Mr C , He is 5-2 with 1 million salary 

Now again when it comes to decision Ms K will select either Mr a or Mr B ,. Mr C hardly has any chance of getting selected

It is not Mr S to Ms k a have primitive thinking. It is just when it come's to marriage people become practical and choose what is best for them.We all like good looks and money.


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## kds1980 (Feb 14, 2013)

Luckysingh said:


> Most of sikh men are the biggest hypocrites !!
> We all talk about how essential it is to keep kesh as part of sikhi...blah blah....
> Then when Mr Singh has to see a couple of girls to see if he and she are suitable and can be compatible, But as soon as he sees a big dark moustache and goatee even though the girl may be absolutely stunning,  he says NO and opts for the one he saw the other week or whatever that was freshly waxed !!
> 
> The majority of these Mr Singhs do a u-turn with reference to uncut hair showing on the chin and legs when it's their time to choose !!!



Facial hair is not normal for women.So it is natural for a man to get attracted to
one with less facial hair.

Just want to know if you show a kaur two propective singhs One with Gynocomestia and other with perfect masculine body then who will she choose?


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## Harry Haller (Feb 14, 2013)

> We all like good looks and money.



At the risk of being pedantic, no we dont. 

I know many men who are married to what society would call beautiful, yet have mistresses that look like hags. So why do they marry what society calls good looking? Simply to add to the list of objects they already own. The wife becomes something to show off, to make others envious. Free men, men without ties to what society thinks, follow their own line, Prince Charles rejected one of the most beautiful women in the world and carried on an affair with a woman seen as less beautiful in societies eyes, the actor Hugh jackman, voted sexiest man, is married to a woman 9 years older, they have adopted children..

What is beauty? it is the current state of what society finds acceptable, and this changes with time, from reubenesque to stick thin, however, true beauty, that which comes from within, it can be seen from miles away, in the twinkle of an eye. 

My little puppy, Bran, is a cross, a mongrel, he is half alsation and half golden retriever, he would not stand a chance at crufts, yet he remains the most beautiful animal I have ever seen, breathtakingly beautiful, as is my wife.

All creation is beautiful, riches come and go, looks come and go, 

This type of arrangement goes a long way to explain why barren or ill partners get quickly replaced, I am surprised there is no warranty or refund system!


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## kds1980 (Feb 14, 2013)

harry haller said:


> At the risk of being pedantic, no we dont.
> 
> I know many men who are married to what society would call beautiful, yet have mistresses that look like hags. So why do they marry what society calls good looking? Simply to add to the list of objects they already own. The wife becomes something to show off, to make others envious. Free men, men without ties to what society thinks, follow their own line, Prince Charles rejected one of the most beautiful women in the world and carried on an affair with a woman seen as less beautiful in societies eyes, the actor Hugh jackman, voted sexiest man, is married to a woman 9 years older, they have adopted children..



I think You completely missed my point.I am discussing arrange marriage scenario where all the persons who meet their prospective spouse practically don't know each other and not about love.We all know anybody can fall in love with anybody



> What is beauty? it is the current state of what society finds acceptable, and this changes with time, from reubenesque to stick thin, however, true beauty, that which comes from within, it can be seen from miles away, in the twinkle of an eye.



Yes beauty is current state what society finds acceptable but majority always try to look it in that way.Please tell me how many Sikh men wear Pant shirts in UK and why they don't wear clothes of their ancestors of Punjab? 

Also I want to know have you seen paintings , or cartoon films of Puratan Singhs.Why are they shown as muscular tall, fair skinned guys.Chances are that Puratan Singhs don't even look like How they are presented today.


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## Harry Haller (Feb 14, 2013)

> I think You completely missed my point.I am discussing arrange marriage  scenario where all the persons who meet their prospective spouse  practically don't know each other and not about love.We all know anybody  can fall in love with anybody



ok, so its a bit like going to buy a car and not being able to drive it, however, you look for the things that are important to you. I do not think I missed your point, yes it is difficult to make a decision in the circumstances, but if it were me, I would look for other things than money/looks. Maybe mutual interests, opinions, way of living etc. I disagree that anybody can fall in love with anybody, there needs to be common ground, I would find it hard to fall in love with someone who did not like animals, or who cared what people thought, or someone who treated people badly, regardless of status. 



> Yes beauty is current state what society finds acceptable but majority  always try to look it in that way.Please tell me how many Sikh men wear  Pant shirts in UK and why they don't wear clothes of their ancestors of  Punjab?



If I asked my next male customer why he was not wearing the clothing of his ancestors, I would get a strange look, most people, I guess, want to look smart and fashionable, I have no concept of this, the other day, I was sent to fix a computer at a chemist, and they thought I had come for my methodone fix..



> Also I want to know have you seen paintings , or cartoon films of  Puratan Singhs.Why are they shown as muscular tall, fair skinned  guys.Chances are that Puratan Singhs don't even look like How they are  presented today.



it is the common denominator, I guess it is why the Gurus discouraged paintings of them.


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## spnadmin (Feb 14, 2013)

*admin note: It serves no purpose to prolong discussion on arranged marriage in this particular thread.  The thread title is "What do Sikh Women look for....." This then starts with the idea that some women (and some men) are in a position to "look for" AND "follow" through on what they like. In other words they have a choice. So to keep on about arranged marriage just bogs the thread down. 

It is also makes no sense to say most Sikh marriages are arranged, so no point in discussing what women are looking for. It makes no sense for 2 reasons. 1) The thread is not about arranged marriages. To stay on that topic is useless. 2) Even in arranged marriage scenarios we have to remember we are not living in the past. True! some brides do not see their intended until the day of the wedding. More and more however the children ask the parents to arrange a marriage for them. Or, a couple find each other and ask their parents to take  it from there. A semi-arranged scenario. Finally there are traditional arrangements; however, all  parents are not life-torturers looking for a pile of money, apartments and cars. They want to consider what the child would be happy with. They might even come up with more than one possibility or match, and ask a child to "choose." 

What son and daughter like and don't like is still in the equation. All these ways of doing it are more and more the trend.  The parent obviously would want to know a little more about what will work and what will not work. Arranged marriages take more than one form. It is not only about locking someone up and forcing a match willy nilly. So please move on. Or rather, please go back to the main idea. Thank you.*


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## spnadmin (Feb 14, 2013)

Something interesting by the Sikh Chic columnist T Sher Singh that applies here. The article is very long, so I am posting just a few parts that relate. It is his personal story, and we won't know the ending until tomorrow. 



> “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times … it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us …”  [Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities]
> 
> 
> 
> ...


http://www.sikhchic.com/columnists/the_fly_in_the_ointment_part_i_prem_kahani


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## Luckysingh (Feb 14, 2013)

kds ji

What you are aware of may be the attitude where you are, but trust me the rest of the world does not look for these things.
Money and good looks is NOT what you think we all like !
I have known plenty of kids that have know grown up who were raised and spoilt with money. Luckily some of these kids who are now adults have realised the falseness associated with money. They have deliberately opted for lifestyles that are not money orientated !!
So, when these people look for qualities in a partner, i'm afraid money does NOT come into it!!!


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## Rajveer2287 (Mar 6, 2013)

You must be one of those 0.0001 % sikh girls...Lollzz. Glad to know your thoughts.


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## Tejwant Singh (Mar 6, 2013)

I refuse to wash my linen in public as far as my dating times in the way past are concerned.


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## spnadmin (Mar 6, 2013)

Tejwant Singh said:


> I refuse to wash my linen in public as far as my dating times in the way past are concerned.



Now! Now! :grinningkaur:


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## Harry Haller (Mar 6, 2013)

on the other hand, I am thinking of renting my own laundry lol


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