# Grihasti Jeevan (Married Life), What Does It Really Mean?



## findingmyway (Feb 16, 2013)

This post has been inspired by comments on another thread:


> My other area that I have been looking at is the Grihasti stage within  Sikhism and the idea of becoming a house holder, getting married and  having children. However, should this stage be constrained to  heterosexual couples only? Is there any problem with two males or  females getting marries (especially now as the result of legalization of  gay marriage) and having children (albeit not naturally)?



What do you understand Grihasti jeevan to be and involve? Must it include marriage and children? What about people who don't get married for various reasons but achieve a lot of seva in the world? Are children necessary? How about people who are unable to have children? Or do not want them for whatever reason?

I have always understood Grihasti jeevan to mean living in the world, working and living with responsiblities rather than running away to be a hermit. Surely it is not necessary to have marriage and children as part of the deal as it is possible to live in the world without them......

What are your thoughts?


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (Feb 16, 2013)

*Re: Grihasti Jeevan. What Does It Really Mean?*

Think of the Shabad - Har Jeeo Mata Har Jeeo Pita. Now some Sikhs might have been orphans. How do they understand the Shabad? They understand it in their own special way. It is all about connecting to Guru.

Similarly for me Ghrihast jiwan is supposedly a 'happy' married life of man and woman. How a gay or a lesbian person understands it, shouldn't it be left to them?


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## Gyani Jarnail Singh (Feb 16, 2013)

*Re: Grihasti Jeevan. What Does It Really Mean?*

Yes Jios..GRISTHEE .....commonny referred to as HOUSEHOLDER...is directly OPPOSITE to the HERMIT/SAADHU/MONASTERY MONK/JUNGLE DWELLING SWAMI ETC...
The "Householder" is one who lives in the world...in SOCIETY..takes his/her responsibilities to society community seriously and helps improve the community and society the neighbourhood he lives in. He can be unmarried..unable to get married..married with no children..divorced..widowed..childless..single..lesbian..homosexual..loner..introvert..outervert..whatever...as long as he doesnt RUNAWAY to the Monastery or convent or the jungle or the Himalayas..its grishtee jeevan...responsible communal social human being...


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## Tejwant Singh (Feb 16, 2013)

*Re: Grihasti Jeevan. What Does It Really Mean?*



Kanwaljit Singh said:


> Think of the Shabad - Har Jeeo Mata Har Jeeo Pita. Now some Sikhs might have been orphans. How do they understand the Shabad? They understand it in their own special way. It is all about connecting to Guru.
> 
> Similarly for me Ghrihast jiwan is supposedly a 'happy' married life of man and woman. How a gay or a lesbian person understands it, shouldn't it be left to them?



Kanwaljit ji,

Guru Fateh.

We are talking about the society no matter either we are married who have children, who can not have children, single, men, women, blind, mute, LGBT etc etc. Any one who can pitch in the society in a positive manner is living a Ghrihast jivan as Gyani ji explained it so eloquently.

It always takes a village to be a Ghrihasti.

It is not exclusive to a 'happy' married life of a man and a woman. This is just one factor out of many for those who make the village.

Tejwant Singh


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## spnadmin (Feb 20, 2013)

*Re: Grihasti Jeevan. What Does It Really Mean?*

I believe we have to go back to gurbani to see the pattern. Guru Nanak has 2 basic messages about gristhi. 1) Waheguru is the true gristhi because he nurtures and supports creation. 2) the householder is gristhi ...but the context  is about renouncing the life of a sanyasi, one who pursues the life of beggar and mystic. Guru Nanak comes right out and says that lifestyle is egotistical and selfish. Searching for turiya, one begs out of the deeply difficult and hard task of finding spirituality in the midst of the hardships and heartaches of life, family, community (and this is meant literally). The significance of our responsibility to "others" is always present in Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. We carry our "families" across the world ocean along with our individual selves. Think of Puran Singh who never married and never had children of his own. The themes of compassion, devotion to humanity, caring for our own and for strangers, a strong sense of shared goodness, teaching and learning from life's lessons, care for all creation.... gristhi is about "us" not "me."


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## Archived_Member16 (Feb 20, 2013)

*Guru Granth Sahib on family life*

Guru Nanak stressed the importance of the *"way of the householder"* as the ideal pattern of life for the seeker of liberation, rejecting the ascetic alternative. He himself lead a family life, was married and went onto have a family who performed very well the tasks expected of them in society. 

All his successors upheld the same ideal of normal family life, expressing it in their own lives as well as in their teachings. The third Guru, Amar Das (1479–1574) proclaimed: "Family life is superior to ascetic life in sectarian garb because it is from householders that ascetics meet their needs by begging" (AG, p. 586). To understand the family relationships, caste and gender issues need to be addressed from the Sikh perspective.......................................

*CONTINUED @ : *http://www.sikhiwiki.org/index.php/Guru_Granth_Sahib_on_family_life


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## Tejwant Singh (Mar 9, 2013)

Soul_jyot said:


> *Guru Granth Sahib on family life*
> 
> Guru Nanak stressed the importance of the *"way of the householder"* as the ideal pattern of life for the seeker of liberation, rejecting the ascetic alternative. He himself lead a family life, was married and went onto have a family who performed very well the tasks expected of them in society.
> 
> ...



If one lives an ascetic life, who is he/she going to argue  with about the disagreements and different view points which are necessary for our inner growth?

Argue with him/herself in front of the mirrors? Oh I forgot, they do not have those either, the perfect path to senility,  and hence more burden on the Grasthi Village.


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (Mar 9, 2013)

I think Guru Sahib was talking about everyone's need of space. A spouse needs space to re-establish what is going wrong and what is the best way forward. But in the end he/she has to come back to his/her spouse. Similarly these people left their daily lives to find meaning, to find reason to be alive. But the Sidh never came back. They wanted their space, they took leave and never re-assimilated to share their new experience, perspective or insight with the rest of the society. And they also stopped enjoying ice creams!


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## findingmyway (Mar 9, 2013)

Soul_jyot said:


> *Guru Granth Sahib on family life*
> 
> Guru Nanak stressed the importance of the *"way of the householder"* as the ideal pattern of life for the seeker of liberation, rejecting the ascetic alternative. He himself lead a family life, was married and went onto have a family who performed very well the tasks expected of them in society.
> 
> ...




Why is Grihasti jeevan ALWAYS equated to a "normal family life"? What about those who cannot have children? How about those who do not marry as they have a disability and cannot find someone accepting? What about a person who does not marry because they are a carer? How about the aid worker who devotes their life to helping others rather than traditional family life. All these people can still live some form of family life and all of these people ARE living among the world and ARE leading some family life and ARE looking after worldly responsibilities so aren't they also living a Grihasti jeevan? Does the "way of the householder" really have to be taken literally?


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## Harry Haller (Mar 11, 2013)

findingmyway said:


> Why is Grihasti jeevan ALWAYS equated to a "normal family life"? What about those who cannot have children? How about those who do not marry as they have a disability and cannot find someone accepting? What about a person who does not marry because they are a carer? How about the aid worker who devotes their life to helping others rather than traditional family life. All these people can still live some form of family life and all of these people ARE living among the world and ARE leading some family life and ARE looking after worldly responsibilities so aren't they also living a Grihasti jeevan? Does the "way of the householder" really have to be taken literally?



In my view Grihasti jeevan is actually a lot easier if you are married. By that I do not mean that it is better,  in fact I would say it is less rewarding and with less complications than those that are single. 

Allow me to explain, although childless, I do have a partner, and animals, so for me, my daily routine is dictated by my responsibilities, I have to feed the animals, I have to walk the dogs, I have to ensure all are healthy and have full and prompt access to the Vet. As my wife still does not know where the kitchen is, I have to cook, light a fire in the evenings, etc etc. I have very little choice in the matter, these things have to be done. 

However, for those that are single that live by Grihasti jeevan, it is harder, they have a choice, and for those that choose to make the world their family, to make every child their children, every elder their parent, every animal their pet, for those that spend time at camps, at hospitals, doing charity, assisting Creation, well, they are the ones that have truly embraced Grihasti jeevan.


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## arshdeep88 (Mar 14, 2013)

Grasthi Jeevan is duly completing your responsiblities to the best with everyone in your relation,be it be with you wife or with your parents and brothers or sisters or with your children,people have sometimes said that in order to find god you should leave your family behined and go out and do meditate in jungles or forests,where as on the other hand our GURUS taught us that how one should adher to family responsiblities side by side meditating one true SUPREME GOD i think the life of gurus have been a perfect example for us 

there is one beautiful story when guru Hargobind sahib one day encounters some person and have this conversation in which he asks about why guru ji if on one hand speaks of god and on the other is in Ghristhi ,( i dnt exactly remember what guru ji says,though i will search that conversation and post here after finding it for sure),Guru ji tells him the importance of ghristhi life

so GURUS life is itself a perfect example for us all to how to live


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## arshdeep88 (Mar 14, 2013)

Sufi Fakir Ne Jad Guru Hargobind Sahib Nu  Vekhia Te Keha Ke Eh Kaisa Fakir Jo Takhat Te Betha, Jis Kol Aurt A,  Bache Ne Dulat. . . .
 Kuj Es Tara Naal Keha Fakir Ne
 Hindu Kya Te Peer Kya?
 Aurat Kya Te Fakir Kya?
 Dulat Kya Te Tyag Kya?
 Ladke Kya Te Bairag Kya?
 Aaraf Kya Te Duniadhari Kya?
 Majhab Kya Te Sachyar Kya?
 Pujarh Kya Te Sawaab Kya?
 Maruthal Kya te Aap Kya?
 . . . .

 Ta Guru Ji Ne Keha Tusi Kis Akh Naal Guru Nanak Di Fakiri Dekh Rahe Ho, Guru Ji Ne Jawab Dita
 Piri Rab Da Dhaan Hai.
 Aurat Iman Hai
 Dulat Gujraan Hai.
 Putr Nishan Hai.
 Aaraf Bichar Hai.
 Majhab Sudhar Hai.
 Pujari Achaar Hai.
 Maruthal Me Jal Kudrat Kartar Hai.

 Eh Jawab Sun Ke Fakir Ne Keha

 NANAK FAKEER
 DHEEN DHUNI DHE PEER


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## Arvind (Mar 15, 2013)

Grihasti jeevan propounded by Guru Sahibs brings out the following image in front of my eyes:

A sikh living in His Will, as a common householder life by getting married, having children, earning for the family, provider and giving, performing worldly duties (If one can not get married and so on, then perform worldly duties)......... at the same time, the same sikh consistently trying to connect with his roots by staying aloof from maya, engrossed in simran, a strong thirst or pull from the heart to merge with the super-consciousness. Lotus in the mud, spreads its beauty despite of mud around it. 

Dhan Guru Gobind Singh Ji gave a new dimension to this jeevan by ordering sikhs to raise sword when all peaceful means fail.


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## itsmaneet (Mar 27, 2013)

Just Pretend To Live In the Worldly Life But Always Live In Real In The Spiritual Life .... I mean marriage, relatives, luxuries, difficulties etc... are all worldly ... and we should do it just as a duty but must from heart be always dedicated to Waheguru ..


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## Navdeep88 (Mar 28, 2013)

I don't think the Options to the poll are very exclusive, you have kids & get married, and Of course, work.


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