# Pre/Post Marital Relationships



## sskohli (Oct 4, 2005)

Sat Sri Akal Sadh Sangat
I know this is a controversial topic. It was bogging my mind for sooo many days now, i didn't know who to ask and where to go. Then suddenly right on cue, I got a mail from this post and i said wow, where else would i ask this question. So here it comes....
Infidelity is everywhere around us, on the channels, our friends, relatives, all are doing it. Having multiple relationships is like the order of the day. No body is satisfied with whatever he has.
Not even guys but even girls are cheating on their parents, spouses, etc.
I know infidelity is not encouraged in ANY Religion, but a youth growing up in these turbulent environments, what should he do to hold on to his beliefs.
I tried to talk myself into sayings, that maybe time will teach them a lesson, whatever you sow you reap, and the worse they will burn in hell .
But everytime i eXpect them to rot in thell, they are having all the fun.
I don't know, its very easy to get desires overwhelm you, but how do you hold your ground.
What about the older more experienced people in the group, how did you deal with Temptations???

Waheguru ji ka khalsa


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## devinesanative (Oct 10, 2005)

Dear Friend SSKOHLI


First of all tell are you ready to withstand the heat generated out of this topic .

You may be , but what about the Scholars and owner of this site .......

If you have the Courage to go ahead , be prepared to face the music .......

Remember , INFIDILITY is the temporary state .........

Everything will be revealed to you , and ofcourse you will enjoy with only one partner after the revealation ........

So , Are you Ready ...................


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## devinesanative (Oct 10, 2005)

Dear Friend SSKOHLI

Getting answers fromt the older people who have already enjoyed , will not suffice you ..........

You should get answers from that person who had withstand SEXual temptations ....................

Remember , To have control of Sexual Desire is not to eliminate them , but the ability to face Sexual Desires , without indulging into anything ........

When a person gets a Airforce Training , remember In one of their training sessions what they do is they switch off the engine of the plane ....

And the plane starts falling down ..... As the plane is about to touch the ground ..... What they have to do is , switch on the engine and takeoff ..........

Extract From Gurbani :

Remaining Pure Amid Impurities is the sign of a goog moral Character.........


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## sskohli (Oct 10, 2005)

Waheguruji ka khalsa
Sat sri akal saadh sangat jee
Veerjee
Thanks for atleast trying to comment on the post.
Speaking about heat generated, i think this is the typical dilemma faced by our/the religion(s) all over. When it comes to topics like sex, and infidelity i think we just shirk off and think of it as something dirty. I don't know why we are so embaressed about it when it is everywhere and i Think the BIGGEST Obstacle in achieving divinity.
I thought maybe debating face to face could be a little awkward for ppl, but seeing this (non) reaction online, it just reiterates my doubts.
As for your reply, though a little theoretical, but I get the point. At the end of the day, I think its just upto each individual how he fends off his temptations.

sskohli


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## devinesanative (Oct 10, 2005)

Dear Friend SSKOHLI


Sex is not a Dirty thing , It is as Sacred as the the GOD is.
How come sex be dirty , with the help of which we are existing on this planet Earth.

Before we proceed further ...........

But first answer me few Questions .

What is the Business of MCDonalds ?
What is the purpose of this site ?
What should be the minimum age of marriage ?

But before answering them don't ask your friends for answers , write whatever you know, Ok.

I have asked these questions , just to point out the difference between the Illusion and the Real Truth


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## sskohli (Oct 10, 2005)

Sat Sri Akal
What is the Business of MCDonalds ?
A. Real Estate ( Read in some book )

What is the purpose of this site ?
A.To clear myths about sikhism and to have a healthy debate on all aspects of sikhism, and to encourage younger sikhs to appreciate sikhism

What should be the minimum age of marriage ?
Dunno that is a difficult thing to answer, I guess around 25ish when you are self sufficient

All these are so independent questions, didn't get their relevance with Our topic of discussion here??

Waheguruji ka khalsa (am i??)
sskohli


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## devinesanative (Oct 11, 2005)

Dear friend SSKOHLI


Thought they are independent answers , but they do 
have relevance.

Your answer to the first Question is Right Answer 
, But I don't think that many people know that , 
Some may say the Hamburger is the Business of 
MCDonald.

About Truth , Every one says that god is truth and 
thus ends there everything .......

Let us explore the How to relate truth and 
ignorance with day to day living .

Truth about MCDonald :

It is also a truth that they sell Hamburgers .....
It is also a truth that they their real business 
is Real Estate .......

Though the first is also truth , but it is 
ILLUSION to the ignorant , and if that ignorant 
person starts business , wishes to create chain of 
restaurants , only on the basis of Hamburgers 
without knowing the real thing ........ Will his 
business survive........

Your Answer to the second question is also true , 
But it is also an Illusion ,
Starting a discussion forum based on religion is a 
good busines model .
(Sorry Aman Veer ji ...... its just an example ).


Your anwer to the third question about the age , 
you have said that self sufficient .......... 

Self sufficient is relative term and what is the 
limit of self sufficient , cannot be defined 
........

But according to nature the Marriagble age should 
be something around 13 years approx for women and 
15 yrs around approx for men ......... 

So , just like above we seen that what is illusion 
and what is real truth . You can take many 
examples from your own life or the life of others 
, and start differentialting between the Illusion 
and Truth .


It will be a great exercise for your brain 
..........


But , it is certain from your first answer that 
the power of your brain is under your control , 
and thats a good thing .........


All these stuffs do have  relevance with our topic 
...................

Remember , when a bread is baked in low temp then 
it gets cooked from inside also , it takes time , 
but when baked in High temperature though it gets 
cooked at a faster pace and looks cooked nicely 
from outside , but from inside it is still 
uncooked........


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## sskohli (Oct 11, 2005)

Sat Sri Akal
Sorry Veerjee I am not going to go all awe and say wow what an excellent reply and all my doubts are cleared and i am a changed person.
But  I will definitely agree, that what you have said will definitely be good food for my mind and I am sure i will digest it slowly and knowingly and also want to have more bites of it. 
The fact still remains (atleast for me) that we (atleast me) tend to follow the crowd, our guruji was completely different from prevalent practices at that time and thus were able to find GOD. 
But how easy/difficult is it for common ppl like us to have our way and not unknowingly follow something which has become a trend, so much so that we don't even realise it that we are doing it. I am just not targeting infidelity, but any temptation becoming so common practice its just neXt to impossible for common masses like us to resist.
plain old
sandeep


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## manbir (Oct 11, 2005)

Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh

Sex is one of man activities of human being. It is one of many desires of men and women. Sexual instinct is one of the basic instincts a living being comes in this world. 
Kam, Krodh, Lobh, Moha, Ahankar are the desires we remain busy throughout our life. These keep troubling us at some stage of our life. We have been advise by our Guru to live with these desires and control them in a way so that not to get enslaved by them. The task is not easy but we keep fighting them.
What I feel ( I may be wrong) out of these Five, the desire of Kam should be the easiest to control. 
At a given situation the attraction of sex may be the most logical outcome of that particular situation for a Normal Human being. But how we face it and Not get entangled in the circle of desires is what differentiates a Sikh from a Gursikh. 

Temptations are everywhere. We do keep facing them and overcoming them daily. 
Take a case of a person who has been diagnosed as suffering from Diabetes, is told by his doctor to stop taking sweets and fats. All of a sudden it may be difficult to overcome the desire to eat sweets but our will power and the desire to do it helps us to control our temptations. 

Similarly, ‘Infidelity is everywhere around us, on the channels, our friends, relatives, all are doing it. Having multiple relationships is like the order of the day. No body is satisfied with whatever he has.’ 
Here, Guru’s guidance helps us to control the wandering heart and mind and gives us strength to face temptations (not only sexual ) that keep coming up daily.


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## devinesanative (Oct 11, 2005)

Dear Friend SSKOHLI

 I knew that you are going to answer this ....... But I intentionally wanted to do so ...........

Now delaying your answers have created two thing 

1. Curiosity
2. Temptation

Not only you have got tempted , but everyone has got tempted . Till now your query was lying unattended ......

But now see the power of temptation , you will definetely find some answers here .


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## devinesanative (Oct 11, 2005)

Dear Friend

Temptation and Curiosity , are such emotional states which you cannot eliminate them , but you have to tame them .

Just like fire is very dangerous , but if tamed properly it can be used to cook nice dishes . 

right now I have to go ..............

I'll be back in the evening .............


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## harpreet kaur (Oct 11, 2005)

well if u dont mind my sayng so sandep, the way i see it, u seem to be going through a lot of soul searching, either u still havent found what  or whoever it is that u r seraching for , or ur just answerable to ur karmic actuons, pity one doesnt remember what they r accountable for coz u dont remember what action caused the karmic reaction, kapeech? some ppl have doubts about the religion they r born into, they might folow it but they also harbour feelings for other religious beliefs, does that make that infidel?, does that mean that they are chaeting, a person never cheats on anyone but themselves, so as long as to learn something from the experience, and clear ur doubts, when u finally arrive at a point or a person u will know when to stop, n if u dont, u just suffer, a pity, and no one can help u but u,,,so take heart my friend, coz if the questons are within u then so are the answers. but u know something, i didnt really understand what was bothering u, did someone cheat on you, and was living happily?, or do you constanly have the urge to chaet? eitherways, i belive i believe its all about settling karmic scores, thats all fine and dandy if u are a karmic believer, for some its just a good crutch to fall back upon, but for believers it can be soul altering.


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## sskohli (Oct 13, 2005)

Sat Sri Akal 
Veerjee, either you are too philosophical or i am plain old dumb, cause i was not able to grasp the meaning of your last post.
I think i did a lot of soul searching the past couple of days and i realise that most of the times I am so unconscious to things around me, its like guruji said leading lives of animals.
And with all the distractions like tv, phones, computers, internet I don't think we are left with any time to contemplate and reflect back.
I think we are using these tools as a shield so as not to remind ourselves of the harsh reality. Its very easy to be lost rather than to reveal.
I moved in to this new city for work, and the first couple of months it was a completely different experience. I didn;t have any of the latest technologies, TV, radio, computer. Just a couple of gurbani cds and a cdman. Those were really fulfiiling time of my life, i used to get up early, exercise, do nitnem.
But don't know how mindsets change, got tv, computer, now i hardly get any time.
I think the length of the day remains same, only how we utilize it changes.
Similarly it depends only on the individual and individual alone, how and what he makes of his time/day.
Looks like a failrly longish mail.

drifting...
sandeep


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## devinesanative (Oct 13, 2005)

Dear Friend SSKOHLI

This is called temptation , As you wish that your questions be answered quickly ........

Its not your fault , its the fault of the society , which has built us since from the childhood........

A person gets tempted to Get-rich .
A person Gets tempted to Get-everything-done-Quickly .
A person infact wish some miracle to happen .

If you see closely around yourself you will find common people who does not get tempted ..........

I would not like to praise myself , But , I have faced temptations and learnt to master it and learning , but it takes time , there is no quick fix solution.

My past post is not philosophical , but practical ......... 

Temptations are Caused by illusions and not by truths , which I suggested to learn to differentiate the illusions and the truth .......


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## harpreet kaur (Oct 13, 2005)

sat sri akal, sandeep, sounds like u are evolving. dont be so hard on yourself for having given in to desires, the art is to be able to balance it, ull figure it out eventually, what u see as distractions are actually paths laid out for us by destiny to test our preserverence and level of tolerance in ourselves, not all of us succeed, its still ok, becoz you like so many of us know what we are doing could have been avoided, but we choose to learn the hard and longer way, as long as we learn and realise, once the realisation is within you, a part of u has awakened, let time take its course, u seem like u can make it,  just make sure ur urges dont cause you are anyone else any real grave harm, stay focused dont drift


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## sskohli (Oct 14, 2005)

Sat Sri Akal
Harpreet Kaur jee, I really want to say WOW!! that was really neat. Are you a psychologist or just plain old experienced. 
Yeah, I am thinking a LOT these days and that is because I have come to a different environment. The previous one, at home, was protected I got everything i Wanted and ppl arnd me cared, be it friends, family etc. 
Now here its a complete shocking experience, ppl just don't care abt each other, everybody is after something.
And yeah you were right, because everybody is after something. I don't know what or who should I persevere. I don't want to go after girls, cause I don't want to. I don't want to go after wealth, cos i got enough.
Being different makes me out of place, so the question, should a guy indulge in relationships just to belong?
Sandeep


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## devinesanative (Oct 14, 2005)

Dear Friend SSKOHLI

Its nice see that you are comfortable with the Harpreet Kour ji's reply , I also liked her post ..........

I don't know what her age might be , or whether she is married or not . But , its sure I have always dreamed and desired to have a wedded wife , like Her .........


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## sskohli (Oct 14, 2005)

Sat Sri Akal Veerjee
I sincerely hope you do find someone like her . All the best.
sandeep


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## harpreet kaur (Oct 16, 2005)

sat sri akal
               u know sandeep, as someone very wise once said, 'people will treat you the way you let them', similarly so will life. priorities change, therefore if yesterdays requirement is fulfilled today it wont hold much value becoz todays requirement is different. even when u are settled dow, whatever that means to diiefent ppl, being married? having kids?, not being married still having kids? wealth fame, belonging to organiztions, whatever rocks ur boat, you will still continue to do things to upset urself, becoz someone still doesnt see you the way you want them to. to not be able to understand and to not be understood can be very taxing on the mind. let it go, today if you like my quote and tell me, i might feel, well thats becoz of me, however tomorrow if u dont like it, is it becoz of your shortcomings, why cant the same thought apply in the negative too that it was becoz of 'me'. the way i look at it, destruction and construction, ugliness and beauty, love and hatered are looked at with the same awe and intensity only the reaction is different, when u are able to take a control over your reactions is when you will klnow that you are not afraid to let it all go, by this i dont mean death, in a broader spectrum death will cease to be a fear, and become a friend, its such a paradox that when you have learnt so much , actually you have learnt nothing at all, you dont take it with you, not even knowledge, your soul thrives on happiness and pain, leave the pain take the happiness with you, appreciate the samller details, the bigger ones will automatically fall into place. 
             i dont know if you have understood from any of this, but i have definately learnt from your questions and thought, thankyou and let those thoughts flow.


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## rosethorne (Oct 16, 2005)

WJKK
WJKF
      Blessed are those who have found complete understanding with their partners. Adultery or cheating a partner is nothing new. Personal instincts play a big role in these adventures and some say it is fate and others say it is the weak mind just giving in. Whatever the case the problem exists. A little fire even though hidden and invisible in begining can really engulf the whole house and burn an otherwise fine relationship. 
Many divorces are caused by these extra-curricular marital activity. Can this be legalized ? Can this be prevented? Does any factors like ethnicity, religion, caste or race play any role in it? 
Adultery does take place despite all morality and marvelous theories. It appears to be a simple issue but if you ponder upon it deeply you will see it is an important issue.
What makes a spouse more faithful and loving and what makes a spouse to cheat? This thread with the message replies of the members are offtopic. It is the question or topic of pre/post marital affairs. We simply cann't goaway from the facts.
It is a not new but very highly important Issue. In the light of SGGSJi we can see it is the weakest side of a Human. Aren't we blessed from AKALPURAKH to have a good life? Aren't we litrarate? Aren't we posses a healthy life? Then what is the need of this kind of problem creating activity to enter our Home. It is completely Maya and Moh. Which is very condemned in SGGSJI.

SORAT'H, FIFTH MEHL: Infatuated with the darkness of emotional attachment to Maya, he does not know the Lord, the Great Giver. The Lord created his body and fashioned his soul, but he claims that his power is his own. || 1 || O foolish mind, God, your Lord and Master is watching over you. Whatever you do, He knows; nothing can remain concealed from Him. || Pause || You are intoxicated with the tastes of the tongue, with greed and pride; countless sins spring from these. You wandered in pain through countless incarnations, weighed down by the chains of egotism. || 2 || Behind closed doors, hidden by many screens, the man takes his pleasure with another man's wife. When Chitr and Gupt, the celestial accountants of the conscious and subconscious, call for your account, who will screen you then? || 3 || O Perfect Lord, Merciful to the meek, Destroyer of pain, without You, I have no shelter at all. Please, lift me up out of the world-ocean; O God, I have come to Your Sanctuary. || 4 || 15 || 26 || (Page 616)


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## sskohli (Oct 16, 2005)

Sat Sri Akal
Weerjee,
I firmly support your point, and yeah we did get misled from the topic. I think it was just the kind of replies that directed the flow of conversation to distant grounds.
Anyways, most of the things which we discussed in the thread was Temptation. And by temptation, we were not limiting ourselves to just Adultery or as we were discussing infidelity, but to any desire. I don't know if desires are forbidden or should be ignored.
I was having a debae last week with my coleagues about desires, and one of our directors stood up and said "Desire is good". It leads us to strive for more,  directs our energies and make us more mature, in return we achieve more.
He quoted by saying that even though you people must be debating about the ills of desire and condemning the fact that your religions foribid desire and term it as bad, but the very moment you are given a bigger salary hike or someother kind of temptation by a competing company, you would be the first to let go your principles and follow the carrot. Which was very true in a sense.
THUS my question remains, even though we know what is right from wrong. We have read numerous books, we have heard numerous preachers, many avtars have come and gone saying the same thing. But do we pay heed to whatever we know. At the time, when we are about to give into temptation, our senses go numb and we just go through the event saying that we are mere mortals and only higher souls can resist themselves from it.
Dunno, I am still as blank as I was the day i began this thread.
Whatever you quoted from SGGSJI, is completely correct. But how do go about practicing it in real life.

Thanks
sandeep


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## rosethorne (Oct 16, 2005)

WJKK
WJKF
      Dear SSKohliji, It is not our life only, but it is Kirpa of AkalPurakh. When we know this then only we can do it in our life. It is Maya and we cann't get rid of it easiely. But take shelter to Guru's feet and see what is wrong to do. It is the motive of a Gursikh's life that we are not only a human but can make the difference to the rest of world. We are here to change ourselves but we cann't change others. And if only a thinking of a person can change by anymeans it is the purpose solves.


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## devinesanative (Oct 16, 2005)

Dear friend SSKOHLI

Whatever your director said about "Desire" is Correct . Desire is good , But , it should not be misunderstood . Desire is good when it is properly channelized in a positive way towards the improvement , enhancment of the efficiency and productivity of oneself . 


A Desire to Help someone is a good Desire .
A Desire to do something for the good of humanity is he good Desire .

Sometimes a Desire becomes the extended form of NEED , and Sometimes desire becomes a Need .

For a poor man Food is the Basic Need for survival , But for the rich and wealthy man to have a Dinner or lunch with costly drinks is his desire ..

But the theme remains the , need remains the same that is to quench the hunger ......

Let us take another example : A mobile phone is a need for a Business Man , but it is a Desire for a School Student .......

Kam : Kam cannot be eliminated , but can be channelized in a proper way to increase the efficiency of oneself .... Whenever a desire for Kam arises , it can be diverted but not suppressed ..... But diverted it improves one creativity ....... Diversion of Kam Completes the Brain Circuit and thus improves creativity .......

Example :

The sculpture who built Taj Mahal ..... he failed to come up with a good memorable structure ..... But when Advised by the ministers of Shahjahan that When a heart Breaks Creativity enhances.......... Then it was done so ........ and Thus Taj Mahal Was created ......



krodh : Krodh cannot be eliminated , krodh can also be channelized in a more appropriate proper way ......... many examples can be found that how people diverted their anger and used it a more productive way.....


Lobh : Lobh also cannot be eliminated , But a lobh to serve others , to help who need help , lobh to do good etc is also a way ............


Moh : Moh also cannot be emliminated , But can be channelized in a more proper way........


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## rosethorne (Oct 17, 2005)

WJKK
WJKF
      Dear Devinesanativeji, Very well said, These kind of posts needed in this kind of issues. May God help All to find true peace of life.


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## Amerikaur (Oct 20, 2005)

When I went through divorce, my counselor told me something very interesting.  When a person has an affair...it usually is not one person lusting after another and ending up in bed, although this can happen occasionally.

It is more often for a person to cheat because there have been deeper problems in a marriage, and the about-to-cheat person visualizes himself or herself as having a life with another person.  

Keeping up a healthy sex life and being honest with each other can do a lot for keeping the kaam that's in all of us from getting too destructive.   I know my former marriage was grea when it was only my husband that had to do a lot of (work) travel.  When things started to degrade was when I started traveling too.  We saw less and less of each other and seemed to get on each other's nerves more.  

A great thing about marriage is how much you build together.  It means so much more to the relationship rather than just a fun evening.  Just please please please do not take it for granted.


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## reiki (Oct 21, 2005)

Amerikaur said:
			
		

> When I went through divorce, my counselor told me something very interesting. When a person has an affair...it usually is not one person lusting after another and ending up in bed, although this can happen occasionally.
> 
> It is more often for a person to cheat because there have been deeper problems in a marriage, and the about-to-cheat person visualizes himself or herself as having a life with another person.
> 
> ...


 

The message by amerikour is very clear , and every couple should not take it for granted.


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## samreet (Oct 25, 2005)

marrage is something that where two soul share every deep dark secret, every inch of hard time n sweet time with a wise thinking. not like nowdays living being think marrage is something that no secret can be shared which can bring disaster to a couple life or affraid of leaking out their weakness. marrage is something where couple learn by mistakes, sit calmly, think wisely and solve the problem not by aacussing n discreminating by bring their past in n humilating each n other. dear friends, take your life partner as yours not the name sake of it. guru ji knows all our deep dark secret of us, does he hit us back when we run crying to him our problem or does he help us back indeed? think deeply. if guruji would have dont that as we are doing now, no one can be apna to share the problem with,to cry to, to talk to, to laugh with. MARRAGE IS SOMETHING SWEET BUT NOT GIVEN THE RESPECT AS IT SHOULD BE. if i have said anything wrong .. forgive me. but this is what i think.


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## devinesanative (Oct 25, 2005)

Each And Every Word Is Finely Etched......... Nothing is Wrong ......

But If this Could Have Existed "What You See Is What You Get" ....... in Each Human Being .......

Recent Research by the Scientists All over the World Has Amazing Results . 

The Research Says "What You See Is What You Get Not"


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## Wanderer2369 (Oct 28, 2005)

can one marry between faiths - Jews and sikkhs?


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## drkhalsa (Oct 28, 2005)

Dear Wanderer

Hre is the link that discuss the issue like you just pointed out

http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/sikhphilosophy/sikh-sikhi-sikhism/79-if-sikh-marries-non-sikh.html?highlight=marriage



Jatinder Singh


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## devinesanative (Oct 28, 2005)

If it is  belived that the body of a human being is a gift by GOD , Where HE HIMSELF resides , then anyone can marry anyone . 

But due to the CONCEPT of DUALITY prevalent in all religion it may not permit.


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## Amrik Singh (Feb 4, 2008)

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa , Waheguru Ji ke Fateh !

Gurbanis give us a dirrection to follow ,if we lissen and obei Gurbanis we must 
atune our mind to Waheguru Will. Do not expect Gurbanis to explain the "Do not do" in detail .Any way the Gurmuk will lissen , the manmuk will not.
The  Rehat was originaly just the instructions given by the Panj Piare to those taking Amrit  .These instructions were further elaborates by preachers : Akalis ,taxalis or nirmalas in front of the Sanghat.Later rehats and hukamnamas reacted to a particular situation of the time.

   About our subject :What is permited and what is prohibited?What is right and what is wrong? SEX OUT OF MARIAGE IS WRONG.Natural Human behaviour is to form a life time bond  , long enough to bring up children during 
25 or 30 years so any relation before or ouside mariage is detrimental at least 
moraly and become a bad habit :the person become caracterless.
There is also a high rate of depression and suissides among young poeple abandon by a partener.The girl reputation may be damage so the family of the boy she want to mary may oppose it. The evel passions ,Kam in this case 
is not control normal sexual attraction and marital activity, it is the exess out of control.Guru Gobind Singh Sahib tell : if the absence of sexual attraction make a Sant ,eunukes will be the bighest sants.So any relation involving sexual attraction must be carefuly manage to result in a happy mariage .
If you meet somebody who is not a sikh the first step must  be to take the person to the Gurdwara  and slowly see that the person is willing to become a Sikh even unformaly and to present he or her to at least part of your family
Modern sikhs consider monogamy as conpulsery, puratan sikhs had often more than one wife ,often marying a widow as a second wife.


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## carolineislands (Feb 4, 2008)

On a really down to earth practical level, I will tell you two things.

One, you may be curious about whether or not the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but when you get over there you'll realize there is no going back and what you had was a lot better than what you went over there to try out.  Trust me, there is nothing hotter, more passionate, more exciting and fulfilling in life than a sexual relationship built from a solid, God-centered, mutually respectful marriage.  When you get to that point you're head will be spinning and you'll experience things you never knew existed.  You will NEVER find that in clandestine, one nighter.  NEVER.

Two, there is no pain in this world like being betrayed by the one person in the world you love and trust and with whom you have shared the most intimate secrets of your being.  Just know that, when you decide to do that to someone, that they will never ever in this life be the same.  You will scar them for the rest of their days on this earth.  Know that.  And also know that it won't be worth it because the sex just won't be that great.  The key phrase to remember is this:  30 minutes of so-so pleasure = a lifetime of pain.

Besides, why eat cheesburger when you have a feast waiting at home?  There is nothing like a sexual relationship between two people that are one light in two bodies.  Nowhere, Noway.

Temptation is a lie.


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## carolineislands (Feb 4, 2008)

One other note.  I asked my husband how he resists temptation.  He said he is practical about it.  If he sees a beautiful woman he doesn't look long at her and he doesn't allow his mind to dwell on those thoughts.  He doesn't ever let himself get into situations that would create a temptation, i.e. he doesn't get into a situation where he knows he would be alone with a woman, he doesn't make female friends (I am his friend and that's enough), and any time he is around females he makes it a point to mention me at least once or twice in the conversation.  He keeps personal distance and avoids eye contact or personal conversations.

Just a few tips.

The most important thing is that he and I have a pact.  That pact is that, any time either of us find ourselves attracted to someone of the opposite gender we tell each other about it.  That is VERY effective.

BTW, we have a FABULOUS marriage and our intimate life is so wonderful neither of us would DARE do anything to risk losing the other's trust.


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## manbir (Feb 5, 2008)

carolineislands said:


> On a really down to earth practical level, I will tell you two things.
> 
> One, you may be curious about whether or not the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but when you get over there you'll realize there is no going back and what you had was a lot better than what you went over there to try out. Trust me, there is nothing hotter, more passionate, more exciting and fulfilling in life than a sexual relationship built from a solid, God-centered, mutually respectful marriage. When you get to that point you're head will be spinning and you'll experience things you never knew existed. You will NEVER find that in clandestine, one nighter. NEVER.
> 
> ...


 
Well said

I wish every man and woman reads these line and try to grasp them.


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## lotus lion (Feb 25, 2008)

Hi,

I have been reading this thread and just wanted to add my 2p

I do not feel it is healthy to have sex before marriage, as prescribed by Sikhi.

To being with, one must acknowledge that these desires exist and not be repelled by them to such a degree that one does not speak to women, but at the same time, not acting on impulse to such an extent that one would sleeping around with as many women as possible either.
Both extremes, in my mind at least, are far from healthy.

The middle way, the top of the Bell shaped curve, is the best of both worlds, with slight variations depending on the individual.

Not speaking to women would be surpression of desire and would have a negative effect on the person, coming out in one way shape or form.

Also, the person would feel that they are missing out on something, which in itself has its own problems.

Sleep around and, apart from the diseases that one could be exposing themselves to, there is nothing concrete being built. 
I have seen Guys/Girls moving onto one sexual experience to the next, and thats it. After a few years all they have to show for it is... well nothing.

Please also remember, that this is someones Sister, Daughter or Mother even and ask yourself how you would feel if this was your Sister and if this is the right thing to do.
This could be someone's wife oneday and how would you feel if your wife, if you do decide to get married, had done this? Like attracts like.

I think one needs to also look at what effect it would have on your children to know that thier mother/father was sleeping around.

In my mind, children are highly intelligent and they do pick up on these things no matter how hard one tries to hide it as the vast majority of communication is non-verbal.

Then think about how your life would be, trying to control these children in a destructive environment that has been created, as if the childs very own parents are like this, then why should the child not?

....and then move on from there.

My thoughts on the topic,

Lotus Lion


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## KulwantK (Mar 2, 2008)

Sat Nam, Ji!  
I have found that if I view everyone as a brother or sister there is no temptation, anyway.  We are all family!
Wahe Guru,
Kulwant


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