# Help Please :/



## KSsingh (Apr 18, 2011)

Hello, My name is Karan, 16 years old, born British white Indian (sikh) 

I am very confused of my religion at the moment :/ I do go to temples and pray but that not it.

In Sikhism it wrong to have sex before marriage right? In western culture many British Indians normally don't follow this or even follow there religion. 

But I had made a choice to stay as a Virgin until I get married (At first I was not planning on doing this) one reason that made me change my mind is my role model "Kaka" - a brazilan born footballer who followed his religion and stayed as a Virgin until he got married. so that's what also made me stay (He's beliefs in Christ) so not Sikh).

So that made me follow one rule I think in Sikhism. 

But What I want to know is that is Oral sex and anal sex allowed in Sikh? or is it forbidden? If I do any of these sexual actives will the gurus wont be happy at me? Please help!!! 
If it is ok, can I do it? yes no? or is still losing your virginity in a different way?

Also My parents are good people but they don't want me to date a English person or even any other type of culture - If I date an Indian girl they will be fine with it. but they say big NO NO to any other different girls. I mean everyone is equal right? or am I the only one thinking it?? Is marrying a non-Indian person wrong? is that what my parent think??

What Should I do? my whole family is racist and I am the only one who is not. (I am trying to change em but it's like imposable)

Also I can't go against my parents, there the most important people in my life, I can't bear to think if I could upset them.

Can someone clear my thoughts please?


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## Ishna (Apr 18, 2011)

Hi Karan, welcome to SPN.

1. Sex
Think about the concept of sex for a moment, the act of intercourse and the emotions and feelings involved.  Are they any different depending on the method of sexual encounter?  No.  Any kind of sexual activity is just that.  There is no difference whether it is vaginal intercourse or otherwise.  If your goal is not to have sex, then don't have sex at all.

It annoys me when I hear stories of women being encouraged to preserve their virginity by having other kinds of sex.  It's a load of rubbish.  Sex is sex.  And for men, if you're sticking your end it, you're doing it, no matter where.

1. Your family
You're right to believe that everyone is equal.  It's impressive that you're maintaining that mentality when you say your family is racist.  I don't have much to add to this point because I'm not Indian and don't understand the dynamics of Indian families.

Good luck.


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## spnadmin (Apr 19, 2011)

KSinghji

Yes welcome to SPN.

Since you are a Singh, then I infer you are a male. One question you may want to ask of yourself is why virginity is important to you. Obviously it is, and you mention Kaka as your role model. But your reasons are not yet clear to me. Why do you value it? What does virginity add to the quality of a love relationship, before marriage? Put  your own thoughts into your own words. Leave Kaka to one side for the moment.

What about the young woman with whom you may become involved before marriage? Would you not want her to enjoy the same quality of relationship?

On to Sikhi. Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji does not forbid or permit oral and anal sex. Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji speaks against lust (kaam). Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji asks bigger questions: What is purity? How is it lost? Does lust destroy us from within? How does that happen? If you can answer those questions, then you should be able to judge for yourself why any form of sex before marriage costs you more than your physical virginity, and may not be worth it.

It is an open question for me whether your parents are racists. Most parents want the best for their children. I would not judge them so harshly based on 16 years of life. There are several threads that take a look at the issues faced by interfaith/inter-racial marriages. Please consult them for more information.


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Apr 19, 2011)

Virginity is not merely a physical state;  it is a state of purity in mind as well as body.  I do not see how one can have oral or anal sex and maintain any level of purity.  (This applies only to unmarried people.  What husband and wife do when alone is their business and nobody else's, as long as it's consensual.)

The word "Khalsa" means pure. 

I wanted to give myself to my husband, pure and untouched.  Although he was 10 years older than me, he was equally pure.  Perhaps this all sounds very quaint and Victorian, but consider this:  Each of us knew the other would be as faithful after marriage as we were before.  It laid a great foundation of trust.


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## Ambarsaria (Apr 19, 2011)

spnadmin said:


> KSinghji
> 
> Yes welcome to SPN.
> 
> ...


spnadmin ji and other respected spners you may be taken for a ride.  A similar thread was started by a so called 16 year old from germany about private shaving, etc.

Perhaps one answer at a time to see where the kid is coming from japposatnamwaheguru:

Sat Sri Akal.


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Apr 19, 2011)

Ambarsaria said:


> spnadmin ji and other respected spners you may be taken for a ride.  A similar thread was started by a so called 16 year old from germany about private shaving, etc.
> 
> Perhaps one answer at a time to see where the kid is coming from japposatnamwaheguru:
> 
> Sat Sri Akal.



Ambarsaria ji,

I think we are all aware of this possibility.  Speaking for myself, I think  what I write is valid, whether the questioner is serious (or even real) or not.  Perhaps someone else will sometime read what has been written and get some good insights from it.


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## singh is king (Apr 19, 2011)

KSsingh said:


> Hello, My name is Karan, 16 years old, born British white Indian (sikh)
> 
> ?


 


Can anybody help me by explaining white indian sikh?

If it relates to color of skin then probably I am a black indian sikh as I am bit of black in color?

I think Sikh is a Sikh without any caste, color, creed.....


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## spnadmin (Apr 19, 2011)

Ambarsaria said:


> spnadmin ji and other respected spners you may be taken for a ride.  A similar thread was started by a so called 16 year old from germany about private shaving, etc.
> 
> Perhaps one answer at a time to see where the kid is coming from japposatnamwaheguru:
> 
> Sat Sri Akal.



Ambarsaria ji

I fully considered that possibility last night, actually the wee hours of this morning, when I decided to let things go for the moment. The trade off is to send someone packing who is really in need, or to open up the discussion and be scammed a few days later. There are many similarities in the thread starter to the classic formula for sabotage of a thread. We will keep a watch on things. So far the discussion has not fallen into the classic trap of getting hung up on sex acts, and is looking more at sexuality in a broader way, a more ethcial way, and one that is sensitive to young people and their questions. The thread can always be closed or deleted. But thank you for your concern.


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## Ishna (Apr 20, 2011)

If the questioner is false but the question is valid then what is the harm in the existance of the thread?  It may help answer a question someone genuinely has in the future.


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## Ambarsaria (Apr 20, 2011)

Ishna said:


> If the questioner is false but the question is valid then what is the harm in the existance of the thread?  It may help answer a question someone genuinely has in the future.


Ishna ji no issues with continuing the thread.  Object was to flag possibility of mis-use or degeneration of the thread.

I do believe like others that questions un-answered do remain that - "questions"!  So it is good to address questions with answers.  Unfortunately in this thread I don't have much to contribute other than to quote Sikh Rehat Maryada that others also have access to.

Sat Sri Akal.


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## spnadmin (Apr 20, 2011)

Actually Ambarsaria ji is correct. There is a pattern to threads that are set up to play with the minds of members and wind them up. Often the discussion in the new thread has been covered in multiple other threads. These threads typically lend themselves to trolling and flaming. Ultimately members send messages by Contact Us in which they express outrage that the same discussion has been permitted time and again. The forum rules are that when threads go in circles and when conversations add nothing new, then the thread should be closed. Forum admin has to make the call. Obviously I am not a libertine when it comes to forum administration. I have given this thread some leeway, but am also watching closely.


We also want to return to topic, instead of discussing whether the thread should be closed. Either I or some other forum leader will be the judge of that. Thanks, spnadmin


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## KSsingh (Apr 22, 2011)

Thanks for your thoughts everyone and no this is not trolling, this has been a serious question! thanks everyone again! Cheers animatedkhanda1


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