# Dating Situations. Arggghhhh! Help!



## harshsingh (Oct 14, 2011)

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh.................I need some advice :
I have amrit for about 7 months now so am still new to a lot of thing, around 2-3 months ago i started dating this girl who i was confident was the one and when i started i knew about the gursikhi side to everything and was unsure. I asked about for advice and in coclusion i had the situation where i had discussed that she could be the one for me and had decided to stick with the relationship, we continued dating and broke up a month later. Now ive started dating another girl and this is where any advice is good advice. ive talked to her about it and she said that she only wants to date too if we serous and we happily agreed that we arent gonna do anything 'more' and were just gonna hangout and date. the problem is that i feel stupid going into something again as if im just playing with maya. She is a faithful christain who goes to church every saturday and is someone ho upholds her values. I tried to avoid any girls, especially after i realized the first one was just a sill crush but this girl is someone who ive known for ages and just developed over time. haha i know i sound stupid lol, but idk what to do... we've only gone out for a week but i can tell she really into me, and this time it feels different but im worried if im just playing with maya, that im repeating exactly what i did last time and should back away completely. I also understand that this is one of those things where i have to decide myself in the end, but any advice would be appreciated  please help!!. wjkk wjkf.


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (Oct 14, 2011)

The advice I can give is.. possibly don't take any advice!

This is coming from a 26 year ol' guy who's had a single date and one long distance relationship lasting a week. Everyone here is a bundle of their own decisions and views.

You are 16 and finding a place in your world. Do what you feel right. But one thing I can say is that never let one bad experience make you turn away from all other 'potentially' good ones.

If you are crushed or she is, you might not know it in a month or a year, takes time.

As a Sikh, I wish to advice you to consider the fact that marrying a Christian means you lack the spousal support in pursuing your religion. But I would let things come to that!


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## harshsingh (Oct 14, 2011)

thanks, i do feel like i should pursue this, i feel that as long as she doesnt effect my simran dramatically and i dont go breaking any rules with her that i should be fine and that it is a test in time for which i can only have faith in Vaheguru's hukam. thanks


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## Ambarsaria (Oct 14, 2011)

Harshsingh veer welcome to spn and your post.  I will suggest just be.

The chances of marriage decisions or such happening at age 16 are very remote.  So be friends and never make such into a this is the only person I can live with forever.  Sorry it is a bit of advice but we all feel such many a times in life with many people.

Be yourself, let her be herself, enjoy the company, enjoy honesty, communication and caring.  No matter what please keep things positive whether short term or long term.

Sat Sri Akal.


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## harshsingh (Oct 15, 2011)

thanks for that advice, my mum said the same thing. What do u say if myself and the girl have disscussed this and since we ar not doing anything and dont want to anytime soon + there is little lust in our relationsship, not enough to trigger anything, we have decided nothing will go wrong with just being in a relationship without any ott stuff ?


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## Harry Haller (Oct 15, 2011)

Harshsinghji

I do not think you will go wrong, you seem quite mature for your age, you are close enough to your mother to discuss this, and this sounds like quite a mature relationship, dare I say it, it sounds more mature than my relationship, and Im married!

Just be honest, with yourself, with those around you, and remember where you came from, I don't think you can go wrong on that basis, If you find yourself battling inwardly or changing into something you do not like, talk to your mom, she sounds like a very understanding lady


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## harshsingh (Oct 15, 2011)

hahaha, thank you for that, i deerly thank Vaheguru for giving me the option of being able to talk with my mum and  also openely talk to people. i feel like if i have faith in Vaheguru then his Hukam will hopefully led me in the right direction


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## OneD10s (Dec 8, 2011)

I think being 16 you are way to young to be thinking about marriage and long term relationship.  I think marriage is one of them societal pressures which when you do actually get married it is considered as something good and an achievement (especially in the Indian culture) from friends and families. 

In most cases getting married is a burden you cannot do the things that you can when you are young and single e.g traveling 

Enjoy your life, and gain experience.


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## harshsingh (Dec 8, 2011)

thanks ji..... ive also come to realise that im still young lol, and i have to enjoy life as it is rather than worry about such things. I still like this girl but im not going to go for anything at this age hahaha. Thanks for the advice everyone


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## Navdeep88 (Dec 8, 2011)

harshsingh ji,

i thought i would provide a female perspective. i dont know about men but emotional attachment is a big thing, if it doesn't work out, it can hurt a LOT. Personally I think an intellectual stance is very important when it comes to relationships, its important to know what you are looking for, and the lifestyle you plan to have. It's easy to become all gaga in love, that parts fun but if long-term that person doesn't fit into your view of your life, then it can become a very trying situation. Contrary to popular belief, I think a person can walk into love maturely, "falling into love" is a conscious choice. You decide when, how and who you want to share your heart with. Things like culture, family, religious background and practice are very important things to consider. 

*best of luck with your relationship though.


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## Kamala (Dec 23, 2011)

Dating is against the rules in Sikhism. Your supposed to treat everyone as a sister or aunt/brother or uncle. I was told this by my local Panth in my Gurdwara.


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## Ambarsaria (Dec 23, 2011)

13800038 said:


> Dating is against the rules in Sikhism. Your supposed to treat everyone as a sister or aunt/brother or uncle. I was told this by my local Panth in my Gurdwara.


Sorry to diagree 13800038 ji with perhaps your advisor.  Showing interest in a future life partner for an eligible bachelor towards an eligible bachelorette is not against Sikhism.  As otherwise there can only be arranged marriages!

Sat Sri Akal.


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## Scarlet Pimpernel (Dec 23, 2011)

> As otherwise there can only be arranged marriages!


 
Veer Ji There are only arranged marriages as even when we fall in love, it has been _arranged_.


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## Ambarsaria (Dec 23, 2011)

Scarlet Pimpernel said:


> Veer Ji There are only arranged marriages as even when we fall in love, it has been _arranged_.


Scarlet Pimpernel Veer ji you wonderfully showed me the way here.  Impossible to disapprove your logic.  I was too narrow minded.   I agree it can be just random looking as though pre-destined or arranged, sign of made for each other.

wahmundawahmunda
Tum Agar Saath Dene Ka Vada Karo (Hamraaz)      - YouTube
mundahugmundahug

Thank you.

Sat Sri Akal.


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## Kamala (Dec 27, 2011)

> Sorry to diagree 13800038 ji with perhaps your advisor.  Showing  interest in a future life partner for an eligible bachelor towards an  eligible bachelorette is not against Sikhism.  As otherwise there can  only be arranged marriages!



Thats a sign of lust, which tarnishes the image of Sikhs as in showing they are fools who go out looking for future husbands/wifes in a shameless way. Now if you were a vichola, that would be different. Love grows once you get married, not the other way around. Although it works your way to, but it shows you have no shame or very less.


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## Harry Haller (Dec 27, 2011)

Nothing tarnishes the image of Sikhs more than misinformation. For the record, we are all fools, some of us are just more foolish than others. This sort of Taliban Sikhi is not very constructive, neither to dialogue nor to personal development. I would drop your advisor and seek the truth out yourself.


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## Kamala (Dec 27, 2011)

Oh, I'm sorry for stateing the FACTS. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's false


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## Harry Haller (Dec 27, 2011)

13800038 said:


> Thats a sign of lust, which tarnishes the image of Sikhs as in showing they are fools who go out looking for future husbands/wifes in a shameless way. Now if you were a vichola, that would be different. Love grows once you get married, not the other way around. Although it works your way to, but it shows you have no shame or very less.



Sure, lets look at your facts, 

Dating is a sign of lust and is something fools do in a shameless way
Love grows once you are married, not the other way around
If you do not follow this, then you are shameless

Are these facts you have read in a book? or have you lived them?


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## Kamala (Dec 27, 2011)

I told you this is what my panth/granthy said -.-


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## Harry Haller (Dec 27, 2011)

They sound more like Punjabi cultural traditions than Gurbani......................


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## Kamala (Dec 27, 2011)

Well the guru ji was punjabi to so whatever xD


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## Harry Haller (Dec 27, 2011)

my apologies, I thought it was Sikhism you had an interest in, not Punjabi Culture


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## Kamala (Dec 27, 2011)

Nooooooooooo!!! i didnt mean it like that! now can you imagine the guru ji going out on dates with women? NOO that isnt true and he never did that because its not the way its supposed to be, its just a silly matter.


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## Harry Haller (Dec 27, 2011)

Silly Matter??

Telling people how to conduct their lives in the correct way as per Sikhi is no silly matter, its a responsibility, and the first step of that responsibility is to stop acting like a teacher and more like a student, the second step is that if you are called to act like a teacher, at least make sure what you are teaching is 100% complete in line with Gurbani.


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## Kamala (Dec 27, 2011)

well did you even read about what i said about the guru.................?


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## Scarlet Pimpernel (Dec 27, 2011)

Kamala devi 
What we believe we 'ought' to do varies from culture to culture and age to age but somethings never change like Truth.Aslong as you don't walk on the grass you are ok.


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## Kamala (Dec 27, 2011)

I don't understand Scarlet  though I am getting an Idea.


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## harshsingh (Dec 27, 2011)

Kamala (13800038), i respectively disagree. Although dating can be developed and based around lust it is not always lust. From what i have heard and seen there is nothing in Gurbani that says one is not allowed to show interest in another and fall in love. Bani only tells us to avoid lust, again from what i have seen or heard. Dating is an act of lust when you go about it in manmukh ways, only dating for satisfactions of lust, no need to mention . But when you are genuinely interested in someone for who they are and feel that you could happily marry them then where is the lust in that??


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## Ambarsaria (Dec 27, 2011)

harshsingh said:


> Kamala (13800038), i respectively disagree. Although dating can be developed and based around lust it is not always lust. From what i have heard and seen there is nothing in Gurbani that says one is not allowed to show interest in another and fall in love. Bani only tells us to avoid lust, again from what i have seen or heard. Dating is an act of lust when you go about it in manmukh ways, only dating for satisfactions of lust, no need to mention . But when you are genuinely interested in someone for who they are and feel that you could happily marry them then where is the lust in that??


One very smart young man you are veer.  All the best.

Sat Sri Akal.


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## Kamala (Dec 28, 2011)

Well if dating wasn't bad you would see our Guru dating as well but he didn't and he got married the right way. But I understand and most of you people are influenced by Christian traditions ect.. I mean if the british never came to India dating wouldn't exist their either, if you get what I mean. I just am saying this because when you start dating and get a relationship feelings can get hurt and you can be scarred and think everyone is like that (I've seen it with my friends) but yeah, just to be safe..


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## Harry Haller (Dec 28, 2011)

I can just about stomach seeing your posts on every thread, even though the content bores and depresses me, but how can you be a Sikh if you believe in the myriad of Hindu gods that you mention?


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## Ambarsaria (Dec 28, 2011)

Veer Harry Haller ji "yanking the chain" it is called.  Use of some free time to play with people at spn with no honest or respectful attachment to Sikhism.  The lip service is just a shield.

I decided not to respond further to such posts but it sure is ever so tempting.  Smart lady that way.

Sat Sri Akal.


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## Kamala (Dec 28, 2011)

Believing they existed and beleiving IN them are two different things, I KNOW they EXISTED since our guru ji said SO, but I do not beleive they are GOD (the one true being/creator of everything). I beleive they have their own tasks and god made them for that. Like Yamraj for death Shivji for destroying ect.


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## Harry Haller (Dec 28, 2011)

In the spirit of Sikhi, I will always be happy to interact with posts that I can learn something from, to date, I cannot find anything other than the standard Hindu myths that have penetrated Sikhi thanks to people like you, better I follow Ambarsariaji's line and respond only to posts that contain some intelligence, I won't hold my breath.........


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## Kamala (Dec 29, 2011)

Well he said so, want to see the page in the dasam granth where he calls Kali Devi his mother? :angryyoungkaur:


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## Ambarsaria (Dec 29, 2011)

Kamala said:


> Well he said so, want to see the page in the dasam granth where he calls Kali Devi his mother? :angryyoungkaur:


Kamala ji perhaps a suggestion for you.  This and many other threads where you have commented upon are not about "Dasam Granth".  There is a whole section of SPN devoted to "Dasam Granth" in the following,

http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/dasam-granth/

You may want to inject your wisdom, literal word interpretations, interpolations to Hinduism, deities-myths-mythology in there or even start your own thread(s).

Please try to keep things in context.  animatedkhanda1
Sat Sri Akal.


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## Kamala (Dec 29, 2011)

It's not a myth.. and also I only said that because you would say "you have no proof" and I said it to save time LoL. Also if it wasn't literal why would he even mention her? They are real...! The 1~ billion people who pray to her don't pray as a joke..


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## Ambarsaria (Dec 29, 2011)

Kamala said:


> It's not a myth.. and also I only said that because you would say "you have no proof" _(why would I ask for proof of lies and distortions lol) _and I said it to save time _(you report twice a day on your progress at wasting people's time here as that appears to be the pattern) _ LoL. Also if it wasn't literal why would he even mention her_ (Please take the chill pill and post the Dasam Granth items in the Dasam Granth section, that is what that is for, you will get lot of interactions and specifics there)_? They are real...! The 1~ billion people who pray to her don't pray as a joke.. _(How about all of China, Islam and Christianity, have you consulted them if it is a joke or not.  There are more of them.  One billion is puddle in a bucket)_


Sat Sri Akal. mundahug


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## Kamala (Dec 30, 2011)

Lol the people in China are basically Hindu as well, because Buddhism if I remember correctly is about Buddha which is a avatar of Vishnu. && if you put it that way then that'd mean Sikhism is pointless to in your words since it's less than those who pray to Kali Devi. (No offense because I'm Sikh too)

Namashkar.


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## Ambarsaria (Dec 30, 2011)

Kamala said:


> Lol the people in China are basically Hindu as well, because Buddhism if I remember correctly is about Buddha which is a avatar of Vishnu. && if you put it that way then that'd mean Sikhism is pointless to in your words since it's less than those who pray to Kali Devi. (No offense because I'm Sikh too)
> 
> Namashkar.


Kamla ji I did not start the numbers game, you did to prove logic which fails.  You are not good at logic.  Sikhism is not based on numbers, you are direct link to the final creator.  You don't need devis, devtas, mullahs, priests, different colors of those,etc.  Sikh cannot be a Sikh if you don't even know why it came about and how it is different from where it came about from!

Sat Sri Akal.


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## Kamala (Dec 30, 2011)

Well the guru ji(S) came to help India become indipendant from the Mughals since they invaded.. they made the new religion because if they said they were flat out Hindu the muslims wouldn't take him seriously and would judge a book by its cover like what you are doing with the Hindu Gods.


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (Dec 30, 2011)

Neither Vishnu nor Buddha testified to the fact that Buddha was an avatar of Vishnu. There is no mention of Vishnu in Buddhism. Maybe that is the reason why Buddhism had to re-establish out of India.


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## harshsingh (Jul 23, 2012)

If anyone cares,
 I am over that small stage i went through and realise i was a blind fool hahahah  Although i am not against dating i do beleive i was too young and it was not Lust or poor Sikhi that was the problem it was immaturity !! Thanks all for the advice !

Wjkk wjkf!!!


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## harshsingh (Jul 23, 2012)

At y age, you could say it was an unnecessary hassle and pessure upon my shoulder, which could have been time used on veechar and simran !!

wjkk wjkf!


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