# Sikh Weddings Simple? No, They Are  Indulged In Brahmanwad



## Chaan Pardesi (Sep 14, 2012)

Sikh Weddings should be simple , not indulged in brahmanwad

Practises like the maiyaa'n  ceremony, throwing rice over the head, the red cloth held over the bride/groom, even things like tika ceremony, 
mother placing her flour print hands on the wall, mama carrying the 
bride/groom after mayaa, the sehra worn and sometimes ure forced to 
remove not only the sehra but other markings on the turban be...fore the wedding, what is punjabi culture, hindu influence, sikh requirement, is cultural practises acceptable at a sikh wedding? Then the extravagance sangeet, hotel, booze, dinner, suits, gold,,,, etc... irreversible acceptable cultural requirement? where is the line drawn between culture and religion and if such a line can or should be drawn?

Gurmukho,This was a comment on one of the facebook pages that made me think and ask, what really is a SIKH wedding.As I  do not see SIKH weddings anymore....

 Getting on with the subject, I have now realised it is rather a deeper issue than when I first thought abt it this morning.It would require more space than here to expose the deliberate non sikh practices during
marriages.However, I will make a start that will show how despite our
Sikh identity we remain often confused between Punjabi culture and Sikh
[religious] culture.

May I point out that perhaps there appears a confusion in the
title-TRADITION OR RITUAL.MOST of the practices we are talking about in
Sikh weddings are traditional rituals!A tradition justified based upon
Sikh Code is totally another subject.It cannot be a ritual.A ritual
does not have to be traditional.It could have started dekho dekhi..and
yesterday!

A Sr Jespal Singh ji from California, interjected with a two identity theory,
which I find rather baffling.If we follow his line of thought someone
may say we have a dozen identities - if we consider our social,
educational, financial,professional, academic etc identities.However, I
shall refrain from going any further into these multi identity
theories; as they are not relevant to the issue at discussion- which is
ANAND KARAJ wedding- free from ritual etc.and is solely a Sikh practice.

To understand the back ground of the rituals, we need to understand the
history/demographics of the Punjab and inter communal links within the
Punjabi religion based communities.

Punjab is the only country that has one language and yet divided on the
issue of language and its alpahabet three ways.Likewise it is divided
on it's culture.It has A Punjabi culture, but this is then divided into
Muslim Punjabi culture, Hindu Punjabi and Sikh Punjabi culture.So there
are four separate entities of Punjabi culture.

The Sikh Punjabi culture is again dividied into that has come from the
dominant hindu origins.This is followed by culture that has crept into
Sikhism from the muslim dominated regions, esspecially around the NWFP
and the Patohaar region and other regions of the muslim dominated
western Punjab.

The three main practices that have crept into the Sikh Punjabi culture
from islamic region of Punjab are the Veil[ghundd]that women take ,
some even to this day.The second is the wearing of the salwaar kameez
that can be seen among the Patohaari and other western Punjabi male
Sikhs esspecially those from Dera Ismail Khan and the western Punjab
regions.Lastly, but certainly not the least is the artitecture of the
Sikh Gurduaras- heavily influenced from the islamic artitecture-the
gobinds are not Sikh in origin.Apart from these three aspects very
little else otherwise was taken or accepted into Sikhism.

The Hindu Punjabi culture on the other hand has made big inroads and
also fermented and flourished strongly from within the Sikhs themselves
, because the greater majority of converts to Sikh religion came from
hindu backgrounds;where often one or two members of the family had
converted to Sikhism, and continued to remain in touch and interact
with their relatives who remained hindus,thus creating an environment
that continued to excercise what was mostly their past
practices.According to historical records 75% of the Sikhs came from
hindu background and 25% from Muslim background.To this must be added
the large number of hindu females married into Sikh households, but
whose relatives continued to be hindus.Interactions between the newly
converted Sikhs [in many instances no formal initiation into Sikh faith
ever took place at all] and Hindus continued closely socially,spiritually and culturally often influenced by the fear of the invaders religion islam; and thus developed among the minority Sikhs,practices which had no legal basis from Sikh viewpoint, nor were challenged by Sikhs who knew they were wrong.

Added to this one must understand, Sikhs were not in control of their Gurduaras from about 1715 to about 1920s.The Gurduaras were run by Nirmalla sadhs , who leaned towards idol worship and hinduism.Even many Sikh scholars were the product of vedic centres like Haridwar and Kaashi and returned to Guru Ki Kashi at Talwandi Sabo to "teach" about Sikhism which was mainly confined to reciting and understanding Guru Granth sahib and little attention was paid to the creeping hindu "boa constrictor",
which was tightening its hold over Sikhs, esspecially through
ritualistic practices.

Bhai Kahan Singh was the first Sikh scholar that raised his voice
against this encroachment of hinduism.His book HUM HINDU NAHI is a
timely reminder to the Sikhs even to this day.But being a mainly
peasant community and led by Sikhs who often leaned towards hinduism
and sharing many similarities with hindus, did not see the pitfalls of
small unsikh practices here and there.In this period movements like
Singh sabha, and Gurduara Sudhar Lehar[Gurduara Refomist Movement ]
emerged to halt the onslaught of the more fanatical hindu groups like
arya samaj. Later on the instigation of Arya Samaj, a Sikh group
orientated towards hinduism, called Nirankaris emerged who preached
Sikhism from Guru Granth sahib initially,but practiced hindu rituals
came about confusing the next generations of Sikhs!Now they have
abandonned the Guru Granth sahib and appointed a human guruship!

However the practice of rituals at Sikh weddings does not start here
but it begins much earlier-Nanak Satguru tina milaya jihan dhurre payaa
sanjog,tells us the oldest and one of the closet relationship that
develops between a female and male.Begining with the advent of the Sikh
faith, new thinking developed among its follows based upon the
teachings of Guru Nanak Ji.In a way Guru Nanak Ji revolted against the
established practice of the Hindu faith.He rejected the janeuu!It is
clear that in retalition the hindu religion never accepted the Sikh
faith as an independent religion.It has since awaited every opportunity
to derail Sikhi and continues to eradicate through any means possible
the identity and autonomy of the sikh religion.This has been seen
through politics, socially and it became more aggressive lawfully
through the denial of the Sikh identity in the constitution, after the
so called independence.These non Sikh ritualistic practices should be
seen in this context, a subtle conspiracy to wipe out the Sikh identity
and absorp it within the greater Hindu Kaal.This why it is more
important for us to understand why such practices should be dropped and
why we should clearly not practice such rituals and throw them out and 
adopt the simpler Anand Karaj ceremony.

As said at the begining this article had got longer, thus it will be
necessary to write it separately and conclude it properly with the
historical back ground.Anyone wishing to swing boomrangs, that is okay
as long as they do it academically, with facts rather than waffle with
some qoute from here and there for the sake of it or just simply
because they have witnessed it.Witnessing anything in Sikhism today is
no justicfication that it is certainly condoned in the Gurbani or
proper Sikh religion based upon rehatnamas , Gurbani or historical
precedents in Sikh practice.


----------



## Kanwaljit.Singh (Sep 14, 2012)

I wasn't really interested in marriage until I saw this:







Source - Tapoban.org


----------



## dalbirk (Sep 15, 2012)

A very affluent customer ( Hindu ) of mine was telling me that Sikhs these days are spending a lot more on marriage even than Banias who are very notorious in this regard . Sikhs are looking at splurging even at a slight pretext be it Reception ,Gharoli , Mehndi , {censored}tail , Roka , Thaka & a Akhand Path . These all ceremonies are in addition to the wedding & together they cost three times more than the marriage function , all these are basically waste of time & money . Showmanship , Meism & ego boosting exercises nothing more .


----------



## Astroboy (Sep 15, 2012)

Sikh Rehat Maryada on Marriage ceremonies extracted from 
http://www.sgpc.net/rehat_maryada/section_four_chap_eleven.html

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
_*Article XVIII*_ 

                        a. A Sikh man and woman should enter wedlock                      without giving thought to the prospective         spouse's                      caste and descent.
                        b. A Sikh's daughter must be married to                      a Sikh. 
                        c. A Sikh's marriage should be solemnized                      by Anand marriage rites. 
                        d. Child marriage is taboo for Sikhs. 
                        e. When a girl becomes marriageable, physically,                      emotionally and by virtue of maturity of         character,                      a suitable Sikh match should be found and she be married to                      him by Anand         marriage                      rites.
                        f. Marriage may not be preceded by engagement                      ceremony. But if an engagement        ceremony                      is sought to he held, a congregational gathering should be                      held and, after        offering                      the Ardas before the Guru Granth Sahib, a kirpan, a steel                      bangle and some        sweets                      may be tendered to the boy.
                       g. Consulting horoscopes for determining which                      day or date is auspicious or otherwise for        fixing                      the day of the marriage is a sacrilege. Any day that the parties                      find suitable by        mutual                      consultation should be fixed.
                       h. Putting on floral or gilded face ornamentation,                      decorative headgear or red thread band        round                      the wrist, worshipping of ancestors, dipping feet in milk                      mixed with water, cutting a        berry                      or jandi (Prosopis spieigera) bushes, filling pitcher, ceremony                      of retirement in        feigned                      displeasure, reciting couplets, performing havans (Sacrificial                      fire), installing vedi        (a                      wooden canopy or pavilion under which Hindu marriages are                      performed), prostitutes'        dances,                      drinking liquor, are all sacrileges.
                       i. The marriage party should have as small a                      number of people as the girl's people desire.      The                      two sides should greet each other singing sacred hymns and                      finally by the Sikh       greetings                      of Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh.
                       j.  For marriage, there should be a congregational                      gathering in the holy presence of Guru        Granth                      Sahib. There should be hymn-singing by ragis or by the whole                      congregation.        Then                      the girl and the boy should he made to sit facing the Guru                      Granth Sahib. The girl        should                       sit on the left side of the boy. After soliciting the                      congregation's permission, the        master                      of the marriage ceremony (who may be a man or a woman) should                      bid the boy        and                      girl and their parents or guardians to stand and should offer                      the Ardas for the        commencement                      of the Anand marriage ceremony.
                                 The                      officiant should then apprise the boy and the girl of                      the duties and obligations of        conjugal                      life according to the Guru's tenets. 
                                 He                      should initially give to the two an exposition of their common                      mutual obligations. He should tell them how to model the husband-wife                      relationship on the love between the individual soul and the                      Supreme Soul in the light of the contents of circumambulation                      (Lavan) hymns in the Suhi measure (rag) section (The bulk                      of the Guru Granth (the Sikh  holy book ) is divided                      on the basis of the ragas (measures) of the Indian classical                      music. Suhi is one of the ragas featuring in the Guru Granth                      Sahib) of the Guru Granth Sahib. 
                                                      He  should explain to them the notion of the state                      of "a single soul in two bodies" to       be                      achieved through love and make them see how they may attain                      union with the       Immortal Being                      discharging duties and obligations of the householders' life.                      Both of them,  they should be told, have to make their                      conjugal union a means to the fulfillment of the purpose of                      the journey of human existence; both have to lead clean and                      Guru-oriented lives through the instrumentality of their union.
                                                     He should then explain to the boy and girl individually their                      respective conjugal duties as husband and wife. 
                                                    The bridegroom should be told that the girl's people having                      chosen him as the fittest        match                      from among a whole lot, he should regard his wife as his better half,                      accord to        unflinching                      love and share with her all that he has. In all situations,                      he should protect        her                      person and honour, he should be completely loyal to her and                      he should show much        respect                      and consideration for her parents and relations as for his                      own. 
                                                     The girl should be told that she has been joined in matrimony                      to her man in the        hallowed                      presence of the Guru Granth Sahib and the congregation.                      She should ever        harbour                      for him deferential solicitude, regard him the lord master                      of her love and trust;        she                      should remain firm in her loyalty to him and serve him in                      joy and sorrow and in        every                      clime (native or foreign) and should show the same regard                      and consideration to        his                      parents and relatives as she would, to her own parents and                      relatives. 
                                                     The boy and girl should bow before the Guru Granth Sahib to                      betoken their        acceptance                      of these instructions. Thereafter, the girl's father or the                      principal relation        should                      make the girl grasp one end of the sash which the boy is wearing                      over his        shoulders                      and the person in attendance of the Guru Granth Sahib should                      recite the        matrimonial                      circumambulation stanzas {Lavan of the fourth Guru in the                      Suhi musical        measure                      section of the Guru Granth Sahib } (Pp. 773-4). After the                      conclusion of the        recitation  of                      each of the stanzas, the boy, followed by the girl holding                      the end of the       sash, should                      go    round the Guru Granth Sahib while the                      ragis or the congregation sing       out                      the recited stanza.
                                                     The boy and girl, after every circumambulation, should bow                      before the Guru Granth       Sahib                      in genuflexion, lowering their forehead to touch the ground                      and then stand up to       listen                      to the recitation of the next stanza.There being four matrimonial                      circumambulation       stanzas                      in the concerned hymn, the  proceeding will comprise                      four circumambulations       with                      the incidental singing of the stanza.After the fourth circumabulation,                      the boy and girl       should,                      after bowing before the Guru Granth Sahib, sit down at the                      appointed place and       the                      Ragis or the person who has conducted the ceremony should                      recite the first five and       the                      last stanza of the Anand Sahib. Thereafter, the Ardas should                      he offered to mark the       conclusion                      of the Anand marriage ceremony and the sacred pudding, distributed'.
                              k. Persons                      professing faiths other than the Sikh faith cannot be joined                      in wedlock by        the Anand                      Karaj ceremony. 
                              l.                      No Sikh should accept a match for his/her son or daughter  for                      monetary              consideration.
                             m. If the                      girl's parents at any time or on any occasion visit  their                      daughter's home and              a                       meal is ready there, they should not hesitate to eat                      there. Abstaining from eating              at                      the girl's home is a superstition. The Khalsa has been blessed                      with the boon of              victuals                      and making others eat by the Guru and the Immortal Being.                      The girl's and             boy's                      people should keep accepting each other's hospitality, because                      the Guru has             joined                      them in relationship of equality (Prem Sumarag). 
                              n.                      If a woman's husband has died, she may, if she so wishes,                      finding a match               suitable                      for her, remarry. For a Sikh man whose wife has died, similar                      ordinance                obtains.                      
                             o. The remarriage                      may be solemnized in the same manner as the Anand marriage.                      
                             p. Generally,                      no Sikh should marry a second wife if the first wife is alive.                      
                             q. A baptised                      ought to get his wife also baptised. 
[/FONT]


----------

