# What Does 'being In A Relationship' Mean From The Point Of View Of Sikhism?



## TanuRani (Oct 22, 2006)

I haven been wondering about the issue of "dating". Personally I dont think anything is wrong with it, as long as it is what someone wants, not because it's the trend. Anyways what I am concerned about is the physical characteristics of dating. I believe getting physical is in a way necessary...in fact a natural thing..but I think making sex part of it...is not something a sikh should do...cause sex is the necessity of a marriage...which allows a couple to pass on sikhism...through their children. but what about dating..?? 
I would really appreciate all the comments on this issue.


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## vijaydeep Singh (Oct 23, 2006)

Gurfateh

It is better to have sex after marrige as otherwise there could be medical,social and mental complications.But all is in hand of God.


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## max314 (Nov 1, 2006)

You have to remember that the idea of 'having a girlfriend/boyfriend' was not a common practice like it is today.

It's entirely cultural and has absolutely nothing to do with religion (in my view, of course).

However, _gurbani_ does state the importance of living a family life (_gristi jeevan_) as being one of the highest life imperatives on a par with doing _naam_, doing _kirt_ and sharing one's earnings.  Family life can only come about through sex, and the incredible value of sex is mentioned multiple times in _gurbani_...though those who think they're more 'orthodox' might refute the idea.  Unsuccessfully, of course.


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## Jaspal Singh (Nov 1, 2006)

Max34:
"You have to remember that the idea of 'having a girlfriend/boyfriend' was not a common practice like it is today.

It's entirely cultural and has absolutely nothing to do with religion (in my view, of course)."

Try doing search with the word KAM and see results.


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## vijaydeep Singh (Nov 2, 2006)

Gurfateh

Bhai Jaspal Singh Ji,

does lust or Kam dies after marrige.Is Lust with own wife OK?

Das thinks that Verse said in AnandKaraj are nothing to do with Husband and wife but just are message for to be wedded people that After marrige do not forget that sprit of both grrom and bride has one day,to be weded with Soul or God or Khsam or universal Husband.So do not have to go after this temprary wedding of tow bodies or spirit but go for unioin with Eternal wedding with eternal.


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## spnadmin (Feb 4, 2008)

Das thinks that Das ji is correct about this. Sikhism is a faith of householders who aim to be Gursikh. 

All of life on earth is part of His play, part of His hukam, part of His divine creation. Good but not sufficient.

Also comes the the attitude of thanksgiving for the good fortune and blessing of life, and the desire to worship Him, and find Him, and be in relationship with Him.


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## Archived_Member_19 (Feb 4, 2008)

did you dig out this old post


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## Astroboy (Feb 4, 2008)

Amarsanghera Ji,

Yes. And what is your view about a relationship ?


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## Archived_Member_19 (Feb 5, 2008)

relationship

hmm...

let me take a crack at defining "what is relationship"

when two human beings find something in common- interests, formal organization, cultural or blood affinity, and there is a mutual exchange for equal or lop sided benefit, they are said to be in a relationship - a friend, boss-reportee, colleagues, cousins, husband-wife

 now coming back to the topic, Dating

dating is a new name to the mating game.

its purely hormonal and a cultural mode of establishing relationships.

no each relationship can progresss only with mutual approaches.

so the level to which a  person wants to take a relationship depends on their openness to approach of the other. stimulus-reaction concept.

Gurbani says that we should always remember our relationship to God. Relationships interfere with other relationships. they have tendency to dominate.

hence we should be careful that any relationship should not hinder our relationship with God.

this namjap ji

is my position on relationships.


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## Astroboy (Feb 5, 2008)

There are a few definitions/shabads about relationships from Gurbani. 

Could anyone find at least one reference ?


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## Archived_Member_19 (Feb 5, 2008)

ਸੋਰਠਿ ਮਃ ੪ ਦੁਤੁਕੇ ॥ 
सोरठि मः ४ दुतुके ॥ 
Soraṯẖ mehlā 4 ḏuṯukė. 
Sorat'h, Fourth Mehl, Du-Tukas: 

ਅਨਿਕ ਜਨਮ ਵਿਛੁੜੇ ਦੁਖੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਮਨਮੁਖਿ ਕਰਮ ਕਰੈ ਅਹੰਕਾਰੀ ॥ 
अनिक जनम विछुड़े दुखु पाइआ मनमुखि करम करै अहंकारी ॥ 
Anik janam vicẖẖuṛė ḏukẖ pā&shy;i&shy;ā manmukẖ karam karai ahaŉkārī. 
Separated from the Lord for countless lifetimes, the self-willed manmukh suffers in pain, engaged in acts of egotism. 

ਸਾਧੂ ਪਰਸਤ ਹੀ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਗੋਬਿਦ ਸਰਣਿ ਤੁਮਾਰੀ ॥੧॥ 
साधू परसत ही प्रभु पाइआ गोबिद सरणि तुमारी ॥१॥ 
Sāḏẖū parsaṯ hī parabẖ pā&shy;i&shy;ā gobiḏ saraṇ ṯumārī. ||1|| 
Beholding the Holy Saint, I found God; O Lord of the Universe, I seek Your Sanctuary. ||1|| 

ਗੋਬਿਦ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ਲਗੀ ਅਤਿ ਪਿਆਰੀ ॥ 
गोबिद प्रीति लगी अति पिआरी ॥ 
Gobiḏ parīṯ lagī aṯ pi&shy;ārī. 
The Love of God is very dear to me. 

ਜਬ ਸਤਸੰਗ ਭਏ ਸਾਧੂ ਜਨ ਹਿਰਦੈ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਸਾਂਤਿ ਮੁਰਾਰੀ ॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ 
जब सतसंग भए साधू जन हिरदै मिलिआ सांति मुरारी ॥ रहाउ ॥ 
Jab saṯsang bẖa&shy;ė sāḏẖū jan hirḏai mili&shy;ā sāŉṯ murārī. Rahā&shy;o. 
When I joined the Sat Sangat, the Company of the Holy People, the Lord, the embodiment of peace, came into my heart. ||Pause|| 

ਤੂ ਹਿਰਦੈ ਗੁਪਤੁ ਵਸਹਿ ਦਿਨੁ ਰਾਤੀ ਤੇਰਾ ਭਾਉ ਨ ਬੁਝਹਿ ਗਵਾਰੀ ॥ 
तू हिरदै गुपतु वसहि दिनु राती तेरा भाउ न बुझहि गवारी ॥ 
Ŧū hirḏai gupaṯ vaseh ḏin rāṯī ṯėrā bẖā&shy;o na bujẖeh gavārī. 
You dwell, hidden, within my heart day and night, Lord; but the poor fools do not understand Your Love. 

ਸਤਿਗੁਰੁ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਪ੍ਰਗਟਿਆ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਵੈ ਗੁਣ ਵੀਚਾਰੀ ॥੨॥ 
सतिगुरु पुरखु मिलिआ प्रभु प्रगटिआ गुण गावै गुण वीचारी ॥२॥ 
Saṯgur purakẖ mili&shy;ā parabẖ pargati&shy;ā guṇ gāvai guṇ vīcẖārī. ||2|| 
Meeting with the Almighty True Guru, God was revealed to me; I sing His Glorious Praises, and reflect upon His Glories. ||2|| 

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਪ੍ਰਗਾਸੁ ਭਇਆ ਸਾਤਿ ਆਈ ਦੁਰਮਤਿ ਬੁਧਿ ਨਿਵਾਰੀ ॥ 
गुरमुखि प्रगासु भइआ साति आई दुरमति बुधि निवारी ॥ 
Gurmukẖ pargās bẖa&shy;i&shy;ā sāṯ ā&shy;ī ḏurmaṯ buḏẖ nivārī. 
As Gurmukh, I have become enlightened; peace has come, and evil-mindedness has been dispelled from my mind. 

ਆਤਮ ਬ੍ਰਹਮੁ ਚੀਨਿ ਸੁਖੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਸਤਸੰਗਤਿ ਪੁਰਖ ਤੁਮਾਰੀ ॥੩॥ 
आतम ब्रहमु चीनि सुखु पाइआ सतसंगति पुरख तुमारी ॥३॥ 
Āṯam barahm cẖīn sukẖ pā&shy;i&shy;ā saṯsangaṯ purakẖ ṯumārī. ||3|| 
Understanding the relationship of the individual soul with God, I have found peace, in Your Sat Sangat, Your True Congregation, O Lord. ||3|| 

ਪੁਰਖੈ ਪੁਰਖੁ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਗੁਰੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਜਿਨ ਕਉ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਭਈ ਤੁਮਾਰੀ ॥ 
पुरखै पुरखु मिलिआ गुरु पाइआ जिन कउ किरपा भई तुमारी ॥ 
Purkẖai purakẖ mili&shy;ā gur pā&shy;i&shy;ā jin ka&shy;o kirpā bẖa&shy;ī ṯumārī. 
Those who are blessed by Your Kind Mercy, meet the Almighty Lord, and find the Guru. 

ਨਾਨਕ ਅਤੁਲੁ ਸਹਜ ਸੁਖੁ ਪਾਇਆ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਜਾਗਤੁ ਰਹੈ ਬਨਵਾਰੀ ॥੪॥੭॥ 
नानक अतुलु सहज सुखु पाइआ अनदिनु जागतु रहै बनवारी ॥४॥७॥ 
Nānak aṯul sahj sukẖ pā&shy;i&shy;ā an&shy;ḏin jāgaṯ rahai banvārī. ||4||7|| 
Nanak has found the immeasurable, celestial peace; night and day, he remains awake to the Lord, the Master of the Forest of the Universe. ||4||7|| 

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ਮਾਰੂ ਮਹਲਾ ੧ ॥ 
मारू महला १ ॥ 
Mārū mehlā 1. 
Maaroo, First Mehl: 

ਨਾ ਭੈਣਾ ਭਰਜਾਈਆ ਨਾ ਸੇ ਸਸੁੜੀਆਹ ॥ 
ना भैणा भरजाईआ ना से ससुड़ीआह ॥ 
Nā bẖaiṇā bẖarjā&shy;ī&shy;ā nā sė sasuṛī&shy;āh. 
Neither the sisters, nor the sisters-in-law, nor the mothers-in-law, shall remain. 

ਸਚਾ ਸਾਕੁ ਨ ਤੁਟਈ ਗੁਰੁ ਮੇਲੇ ਸਹੀਆਹ ॥੧॥ 
सचा साकु न तुटई गुरु मेले सहीआह ॥१॥ 
Sacẖā sāk na ṯut&shy;ī gur mėlė sahī&shy;ās. ||1|| 
The true relationship with the Lord cannot be broken; it was established by the Lord, O sister soul-brides. ||1|| 

ਬਲਿਹਾਰੀ ਗੁਰ ਆਪਣੇ ਸਦ ਬਲਿਹਾਰੈ ਜਾਉ ॥ 
बलिहारी गुर आपणे सद बलिहारै जाउ ॥ 
Balihārī gur āpṇė saḏ balihārai jā&shy;o. 
I am a sacrifice to my Guru; I am forever a sacrifice to Him. 

ਗੁਰ ਬਿਨੁ ਏਤਾ ਭਵਿ ਥਕੀ ਗੁਰਿ ਪਿਰੁ ਮੇਲਿਮੁ ਦਿਤਮੁ ਮਿਲਾਇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ 
गुर बिनु एता भवि थकी गुरि पिरु मेलिमु दितमु मिलाइ ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥ 
Gur bin ėṯā bẖav thakī gur pir mėlim ḏiṯam milā&shy;ė. ||1|| rahā&shy;o. 
Wandering so far without the Guru, I grew weary; now, the Guru has united me in Union with my Husband Lord. ||1||Pause|| 

ਫੁਫੀ ਨਾਨੀ ਮਾਸੀਆ ਦੇਰ ਜੇਠਾਨੜੀਆਹ ॥ 
फुफी नानी मासीआ देर जेठानड़ीआह ॥ 
Fufī nānī māsī&shy;ā ḏėr jėṯẖānṛī&shy;āh. 
Aunts, uncles, grandparents and sisters-in-law - 

ਆਵਨਿ ਵੰਞਨਿ ਨਾ ਰਹਨਿ ਪੂਰ ਭਰੇ ਪਹੀਆਹ ॥੨॥ 
आवनि वंञनि ना रहनि पूर भरे पहीआह ॥२॥ 
Āvan vañan nā rahan pūr bẖarė pahī&shy;āh. ||2|| 
they all come and go; they cannot remain. They are like boatloads of passengers embarking. ||2|| 

ਮਾਮੇ ਤੈ ਮਾਮਾਣੀਆ ਭਾਇਰ ਬਾਪ ਨ ਮਾਉ ॥ 
मामे तै मामाणीआ भाइर बाप न माउ ॥ 
Māmė ṯai māmāṇī&shy;ā bẖā&shy;ir bāp na mā&shy;o. 
Uncles, aunts, and cousins of all sorts, cannot remain. 

ਸਾਥ ਲਡੇ ਤਿਨ ਨਾਠੀਆ ਭੀੜ ਘਣੀ ਦਰੀਆਉ ॥੩॥ 
साथ लडे तिन नाठीआ भीड़ घणी दरीआउ ॥३॥ 
Sāth ladė ṯin nāṯẖī&shy;ā bẖīṛ gẖaṇī ḏarī&shy;ā&shy;o. ||3|| 
The caravans are full, and great crowds of them are loading up at the riverbank. ||3|| 

ਸਾਚਉ ਰੰਗਿ ਰੰਗਾਵਲੋ ਸਖੀ ਹਮਾਰੋ ਕੰਤੁ ॥ 
साचउ रंगि रंगावलो सखी हमारो कंतु ॥ 
Sācẖa&shy;o rang rangāvlo sakẖī hamāro kanṯ. 
O sister-friends, my Husband Lord is dyed in the color of Truth. 

ਸਚਿ ਵਿਛੋੜਾ ਨਾ ਥੀਐ ਸੋ ਸਹੁ ਰੰਗਿ ਰਵੰਤੁ ॥੪॥ 
सचि विछोड़ा ना थीऐ सो सहु रंगि रवंतु ॥४॥ 
Sacẖ vicẖẖoṛā nā thī&shy;ai so saho rang ravanṯ. ||4|| 
She who lovingly remembers her True Husband Lord is not separated from Him again. ||4|| 

ਸਭੇ ਰੁਤੀ ਚੰਗੀਆ ਜਿਤੁ ਸਚੇ ਸਿਉ ਨੇਹੁ ॥ 
सभे रुती चंगीआ जितु सचे सिउ नेहु ॥ 
Sabẖė ruṯī cẖangī&shy;ā jiṯ sacẖė si&shy;o nėhu. 
All the seasons are good, in which the soul-bride falls in love with the True Lord. 

ਸਾ ਧਨ ਕੰਤੁ ਪਛਾਣਿਆ ਸੁਖਿ ਸੁਤੀ ਨਿਸਿ ਡੇਹੁ ॥੫॥ 
सा धन कंतु पछाणिआ सुखि सुती निसि डेहु ॥५॥ 
Sā ḏẖan kanṯ pacẖẖāṇi&shy;ā sukẖ suṯī nis dėhu. ||5|| 
That soul-bride, who knows her Husband Lord, sleeps in peace, night and day. ||5|| 

ਪਤਣਿ ਕੂਕੇ ਪਾਤਣੀ ਵੰਞਹੁ ਧ੍ਰੁਕਿ ਵਿਲਾੜਿ ॥ 
पतणि कूके पातणी वंञहु ध्रुकि विलाड़ि ॥ 
Paṯaṇ kūkė pāṯ&shy;ṇī vañahu ḏẖaruk vilāṛ. 
At the ferry, the ferryman announces, "O travelers, hurry up and cross over". 

ਪਾਰਿ ਪਵੰਦੜੇ ਡਿਠੁ ਮੈ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਬੋਹਿਥਿ ਚਾੜਿ ॥੬॥ 
पारि पवंदड़े डिठु मै सतिगुर बोहिथि चाड़ि ॥६॥ 
Pār pavanḏ&shy;ṛė diṯẖ mai saṯgur bohith cẖāṛ. ||6|| 
I have seen them crossing over there, on the boat of the True Guru. ||6|| 

ਹਿਕਨੀ ਲਦਿਆ ਹਿਕਿ ਲਦਿ ਗਏ ਹਿਕਿ ਭਾਰੇ ਭਰ ਨਾਲਿ ॥ 
हिकनी लदिआ हिकि लदि गए हिकि भारे भर नालि ॥ 
Hiknī laḏi&shy;ā hik laḏ ga&shy;ė hik bẖārė bẖar nāl. 
Some are getting on board, and some have already set out; some are weighed down with their loads. 

ਜਿਨੀ ਸਚੁ ਵਣੰਜਿਆ ਸੇ ਸਚੇ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਨਾਲਿ ॥੭॥ 
जिनी सचु वणंजिआ से सचे प्रभ नालि ॥७॥ 
Jinī sacẖ vaṇanji&shy;ā sė sacẖė parabẖ nāl. ||7|| 
Those who deal in Truth, remain with their True Lord God. ||7|| 

ਨਾ ਹਮ ਚੰਗੇ ਆਖੀਅਹ ਬੁਰਾ ਨ ਦਿਸੈ ਕੋਇ ॥ 
ना हम चंगे आखीअह बुरा न दिसै कोइ ॥ 
Nā ham cẖangė ākẖī&shy;āh burā na ḏisai ko&shy;ė. 
I am not called good, and I see none who are bad. 

ਨਾਨਕ ਹਉਮੈ ਮਾਰੀਐ ਸਚੇ ਜੇਹੜਾ ਸੋਇ ॥੮॥੨॥੧੦॥ 
नानक हउमै मारीऐ सचे जेहड़ा सोइ ॥८॥२॥१०॥ 
Nānak ha&shy;umai mārī&shy;ai sacẖė jėhṛā so&shy;ė. ||8||2||10|| 
O Nanak, one who conquers and subdues his ego, becomes just like the True Lord. ||8||2||10|| 

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ਰਾਗੁ ਸਾਰੰਗ ਮਹਲਾ ੯ ॥ 
रागु सारंग महला ९ ॥ 
Rāg sārang mehlā 9. 
Raag Saarang, Ninth Mehl: 

ਹਰਿ ਬਿਨੁ ਤੇਰੋ ਕੋ ਨ ਸਹਾਈ ॥ 
हरि बिनु तेरो को न सहाई ॥ 
Har bin ṯėro ko na sahā&shy;ī. 
No one will be your help and support, except the Lord. 

ਕਾਂ ਕੀ ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਸੁਤ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਕੋ ਕਾਹੂ ਕੋ ਭਾਈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ 
कां की मात पिता सुत बनिता को काहू को भाई ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥ 
Kāŉ kī māṯ piṯā suṯ baniṯā ko kāhū ko bẖā&shy;ī. ||1|| rahā&shy;o. 
Who has any mother, father, child or spouse? Who is anyone's brother or sister? ||1||Pause|| 

ਧਨੁ ਧਰਨੀ ਅਰੁ ਸੰਪਤਿ ਸਗਰੀ ਜੋ ਮਾਨਿਓ ਅਪਨਾਈ ॥ 
धनु धरनी अरु स्मपति सगरी जो मानिओ अपनाई ॥ 
Ḏẖan ḏẖarnī ar sampaṯ sagrī jo māni&shy;o apnā&shy;ī. 
All the wealth, land and property which you consider your own 

ਤਨ ਛੂਟੈ ਕਛੁ ਸੰਗਿ ਨ ਚਾਲੈ ਕਹਾ ਤਾਹਿ ਲਪਟਾਈ ॥੧॥ 
तन छूटै कछु संगि न चालै कहा ताहि लपटाई ॥१॥ 
Ŧan cẖẖūtai kacẖẖ sang na cẖālai kahā ṯāhi laptā&shy;ī. ||1|| 
- when you leave your body, none of it shall go along with you. Why do you cling to them? ||1|| 

ਦੀਨ ਦਇਆਲ ਸਦਾ ਦੁਖ ਭੰਜਨ ਤਾ ਸਿਉ ਰੁਚਿ ਨ ਬਢਾਈ ॥ 
दीन दइआल सदा दुख भंजन ता सिउ रुचि न बढाई ॥ 
Ḏīn ḏa&shy;i&shy;āl saḏā ḏukẖ bẖanjan ṯā si&shy;o rucẖ na badẖā&shy;ī. 
God is Merciful to the meek, forever the Destroyer of fear, and yet you do not develop any loving relationship with Him. 

ਨਾਨਕ ਕਹਤ ਜਗਤ ਸਭ ਮਿਥਿਆ ਜਿਉ ਸੁਪਨਾ ਰੈਨਾਈ ॥੨॥੧॥ 
नानक कहत जगत सभ मिथिआ जिउ सुपना रैनाई ॥२॥१॥ 
Nānak kahaṯ jagaṯ sabẖ mithi&shy;ā ji&shy;o supnā rainā&shy;ī. ||2||1|| 
Says Nanak, the whole world is totally false; it is like a dream in the night. ||2||1|| 

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## Astroboy (Feb 5, 2008)

Waheguru, waheguru, waheguru, waheguru. Beautiful. 

Amarsanghera ji,

How does one keep a balance with this ultimate goal while still being dutiful in his outer life surrounded with high expectations as a son-in-law or daughter-in-law ?


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## Archived_Member_19 (Feb 5, 2008)

namjapji

if i knew


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