# My Black Heart



## Kookar Guru da (Apr 3, 2011)

Vahiguru Jee Ka Khalsa
Vahiguru Jee Kee Fateh!

Deep in my heart I have a problem. The problem is India and Hindus.

After the events of 1984, the Delhi holocaust and the wholesale murder of Sikhs in Punjab, India is dead to me. I have no feeling towards that entity known as India. Since not a single person has gone to jail for all those deaths, sanctioned by the state, I believe Sikhs are slaves in India.

Since not a single march or protest has ever taken place in which Hindus stood up for their supposedly brother Sikhs, I have a deep suspicion of Hindus. In my daily dealings with people, if a Hindu is one of those people, I feel hatred towards that person. I know this to be wrong, but I feel that until justice is given to the Sikh Kaum, I will either avoid Hindus or wish them no good. What good have Hindus done for Sikhs?

Some say that there is now a Sikh Prime Minister, so that should be an alleviation. But that is no compensation for thousands of Sikh deaths, particularly as he has done nothing for Sikhs.

People also say that Sonia Gandhi apologised to the Sikhs. I say, so what?

People also say that the Sikh leaders are our own worst enemies. People voted for them in the hope they would address the great wrongs done to the Sikhs, but all they did was fill their pockets - Akalis and Congress. I agree that this is so, but still the injustice remains.

People even point to bollywood and the preponderance of Sikhs in movies, as if this somehow indicates that recent bloody events are forgotten and everyone is now singing together. I find this laughable.

Apparently India won a cricket match recently. Frankly, I couldn't care less. There is a Sikh in the England team, so England is my team.

This ill-feeling towards that place they call India and those people they call Hindus is deep-seated in me. I know that this is wrong and most un-Sikh. Until real justice is given to the Sikhs - perpetrators put in jail, families compensated, real apologies given - I know this feeling will never go away. I know that such justice will never come, and so this feeling will never dissipate.

My heart will remain black.
Is your heart black too?

- Kookar Guru da

Vahiguru Jee Ka Khalsa
Vahiguru Jee Kee Fateh!


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## findingmyway (Apr 3, 2011)

Kookar Guru da,
Please don't blanket hate a whole group. The pogroms in India were highly organised with paid thugs-not the average Hindu on the street. Hindus saved my family. The Guru's never hated Muslims despite the atrocities committed by the Moghal emperor's. Channel your energy in the campaigns running for justice! I'm sure you have energy and talents that will help the cause! Negativity will hurt yourself more than others motherlylove


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Apr 3, 2011)

Dear Kookar Guru da ji,

This is a particularly difficult subject for me and one I am not proud of.  I still have a long way to go.  

For those who do not know, my husband, son, two brothers, 2 cousins and my 2 unborn daughters died in the 1984 pogrom.

Yes, the mobs in 1984 were thugs, but the fact is that they were _Hindu_ thugs.  I cannot get away from that.  Even now, 27 years later I cannot see a Hindu without seeing my son lying on the floor, neck broken, blood oozing out of his mouth and nose.  I see my husband dying in my arms.  This is a fact.

Upstairs from us lives a Hindu family.  In an unusual family group lives a widow, her son and daughter and the daughter's husband.  Last May the daughter gave birth to a baby boy.  Much to my shame, I thoroughly resented that baby.  How dare she have a son when her people murdered mine?  And the grandmother!  That should be my grandchild, the grandchild I will never have.  These feelings were inside of me while I cooed and made over the baby and said all the right things.  No one had a clue as to my true feelings;  in fact I don't think I've expressed them to anyone before now.

I have had a while now to digest all this.  Feelings are feelings and we all feel what we feel.  There is no shame in that.  However, I realised then and now, too, that those feelings stem from a very unjust prejudice in me that needs to be rooted out.  To begin with, these particular people have done me no wrong.  Sikhi emphasizes the concept of justice and I hold myself out as a Sikh.  There is no justice in holding resentments toward people who are innocent.  Aside from the immorality of it, it saps my strength and prevents me from feeling joy.  

Is my heart "black"?  I think not.  I am a compassionate, caring person who wants to wish harm on no one.  I am also a fallible human being with myriad faults that keep coming up to make my life less full of chardi kala than it could be.  What good do these feelings and attitude accomplish?  Do they elevate me?  Do they do any harm to those who really are guilty?  Of course not!  So why hold on to them?   At the same time, how hard to let go of them!

So, I am imperfect, fallible, human.  That's a fact.  It's also a fact that I am a daughter of Guru Gobind Singh ji.   That means that there is _nothing_ that can come up in life that I cannot handle.  I am not alone.  I have ten human Gurus and our Eternal Guru, not to mention literally millions of sisters and brothers to guide me and give me strength.  It isn't easy, but it can be done.  

In the end, I need to remember this.  We fought when we were attacked;  we were Khalsa, not sheep, after all!  I killed the person who killed my son.   Thug though he was I am sure his mother grieves him as I grieve my son.    We are all in this together, whether we like it or not.

I read this and it seems to fit here:

"Be kinder than is necessary for everybody is fighting some battle, and their wounds may not be visible."


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## Gyani Jarnail Singh (Apr 3, 2011)

Its Only a Guru Arjan Ji who can say..Dos na kahoo dehun...na ko beri nahin beganna...tera bhanna meetha laggeh...

Its ONLY a Guru Gobind Singh Ji who can say..Chaar mooeh to kia hooa..Jeevat kaiee HAZAAR...

We are just merely HUMAN..but we sure have the GREATEST ROLE MODELS !! we cna attempt to follow in their foot steps....even if the footprints they made are so large that we look like ant foot inside a dinasaour footprint !!

Many SIKHS make the greatest mistake of blaming "HINDUS" per se...and thus see enemies where we should be able to see friends...how many "enemies" in a population of 1.2 BILLIONS ?? and how many "friends"..." its really up to us. In the early 1940s vested interests made us "hate" muslims...and we became divided into two...now the same vested interests want us to hate Hindus..and diivde us yet again..but now it wont be just two..it could be a thousand pieces...AVOID the Hindu baiting TRAP set for SIKHS and get the 1 Billion supporters on our side...


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## Astroboy (Apr 4, 2011)

"No man ever steps into the same river twice,
for it's not the same river and he's not the same man."
                                                               - Heraclitus


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## Astroboy (Apr 4, 2011)

Whether you are biased towards a positive or negative rememberance of the past, your perspective provides backward-looking orientation, not a forward focus. If you're stuck in the past, you are less likely to make new friends. 

If the people in a culture that uses the past to evaluate current situations share a past trauma, they are likely to want revenge - even if the crimes against them were committed decades ago. The perceived perpetrators are not forgiven; they must be punished. This vendetta undercuts attempts at peaceful reconciliation and promotes violence. 

By changing the way you think about your past, you can change the future. You don't have to repress past memories but you can learn from them by avoiding getting 'victimized' in a similar way. 

According to Dalai Lama happiness is not a static state that we attain. It is an elusive goal that must be constantly pursued. So it is with the past. Every happy past is under constant reconstruction. By rebuilding your past upon the foundation of positive attitudes, you can reclaim it for yourself, and in so doing, free yourself for the pursuit of happiness in the present and the future.

- Excerpts from The Time Paradox by Phil Zimbardo and John Boyd


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## dushanka (Apr 4, 2011)

Sat Sri Akal

You are not alone i feel the same ...
Earlier that feeling  was not that strong inside  me but 
after i have lived now continously 2 years in India, 
sorry i can NOT get reed of it . 

I got friends there , but the real ones were Sikhis only 
all others more or less cheat for whatever they can ... 
( they think if one does not complain about, they are very smart )
simply to start in a grocery shop and to end up 
by being told that we ,, Sardars" are this and that ...

Even I am not born in India but my roots are from there and in 
1984 as a child i have been with my Grand parents in Amritsar and 
only God has saved our lifes animatedkhanda1 ....


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (Apr 4, 2011)

Dear Kookar ji



> After the events of 1984, the Delhi holocaust and the wholesale murder of Sikhs in Punjab, India is dead to me. I have no feeling towards that entity known as India. Since not a single person has gone to jail for all those deaths, sanctioned by the state, I believe Sikhs are slaves in India.



The events of 1984 have affected even us (the ones born after) and for sure there is no end of sorrow for those directly affected. It has made many people to stop wearing Gatra and Kirpan. People have stopped believing in their faith and are now part of religion as just another social structure.

But who is bringing this? Who is controlling India (and who was doing it at that time)? Is it a majority? Nope. There are 5 or 10% of people with power in India which are making lives sad for all Indians.



> Since not a single march or protest has ever taken place in which Hindus stood up for their supposedly brother Sikhs, I have a deep suspicion of Hindus. In my daily dealings with people, if a Hindu is one of those people, I feel hatred towards that person. I know this to be wrong, but I feel that until justice is given to the Sikh Kaum, I will either avoid Hindus or wish them no good. What good have Hindus done for Sikhs?



The Kaum (people of India) are sleeping and dead inside. A Sikh will not stand up today for another Sikh, so a Hindu standing up for a Sikh is very rare. And remember your average Hindu doesn't think about or against a Sikh. They have problems of their own. They don't have to think about bringing down Sikhs as long as they don't get political mileage or are paid thugs.



> Some say that there is now a Sikh Prime Minister, so that should be an alleviation. But that is no compensation for thousands of Sikh deaths, particularly as he has done nothing for Sikhs. People also say that Sonia Gandhi apologised to the Sikhs. I say, so what?



Sonia Gandhi took a wise political decision to put Manmohan Singh as PM. She saw Manmohan Singh as reasonable man and ally who wouldn't turn rebel. In turn Manmohan Singh being PM has helped the image of Sikhs and made us known as a global face.

Yet all said and done, it doesn't fix anything. Sonia Gandhi or anyone cannot fix anything. Just accepting that there has been injustice is OK I guess. Rest is all in our hands. To rebuild our Panth. To make people secure. Educate them and also teach them self defense. So that more and more can fight for justice in courts.



> People also say that the Sikh leaders are our own worst enemies. People voted for them in the hope they would address the great wrongs done to the Sikhs, but all they did was fill their pockets - Akalis and Congress. I agree that this is so, but still the injustice remains.



Punjab govt. like govt. at center continues to rule us with their own aims and aspirations. They only care about their own pockets or favoring corporates. There is no public welfare and talking of justice is like asking for too much from them.



> People even point to bollywood and the preponderance of Sikhs in movies, as if this somehow indicates that recent bloody events are forgotten and everyone is now singing together. I find this laughable.



Unfortunately, most of the movies show Sikhs as society sees us. Not as our Guru would see us.



> This ill-feeling towards that place they call India and those people they call Hindus is deep-seated in me. I know that this is wrong and most un-Sikh. Until real justice is given to the Sikhs - perpetrators put in jail, families compensated, real apologies given - I know this feeling will never go away. I know that such justice will never come, and so this feeling will never dissipate.



I have lived in India for 25 years of my life and have got much love there. True there have been people not nice to me at times, but they were rare. So overall I have this perception. Of course, if I am lucky that so far no wrong has happened to me, it doesn't mean everything is perfect in India. But all I would say it is easier to live in peace and harmony rather than perpetual hate.

Real justice is still far. And with each passing year, witnesses dying or disappearing, cases rusting in court files and all.. it would be harder to get justice. But I am really happy to see people fighting for the cause in courts all the time. Special mention goes to Phoolka ji (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._S._Phoolka).



> My heart will remain black.
> Is your heart black too?



My heart is black too. Part for this reason, part for many others. And I know this for Waheguru is not residing in my heart yet. He doesn't approve of the way my Heart works. Yet.


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## Kanwaljit.Singh (Apr 4, 2011)

> For those who do not know, my husband, son, two brothers, 2 cousins and my 2 unborn daughters died in the 1984 pogrom.
> 
> Yes, the mobs in 1984 were thugs, but the fact is that they were Hindu thugs. I cannot get away from that. Even now, 27 years later I cannot see a Hindu without seeing my son lying on the floor, neck broken, blood oozing out of his mouth and nose. I see my husband dying in my arms. This is a fact.



Sincere Ardas from me so that Guru gives you strength.



> That should be my grandchild, the grandchild I will never have.



Please don't feel like that. Consider all young members of SPN (including myself) as your children and grandchildren. That's all I can say.


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## hpannu (Apr 4, 2011)

Dear Sangat Members - ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕਾ ਖਾਲਸਾ ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਜੀ ਕੀ ਫਤਿਹ ॥

To some extent we were all hurt from the 80's and 90's events in India. It's been more than 25 years and still no justice. On top of that we hear more stories of mass graves in Haryana and I am sure there are thousands more untold. I wouldn't say that my heart is black but it did change the way i look at things. I hate HINDI language and when people talk to me in HINDI I ignore them - pretending i don't understand it. I either answer back in PUNJABI or English. I didn't teach my kids HINDI because i was forced to learn it in school days - was not given the option to learn PUNJABI. The government has a deep rooted policy for us SIKHS and our Leaders are so corrupt that they don't care or are just looking after themselves.
The media campaign from Bollywood and TV channels is all against SIKH principles. The coming generations have accepted the fact that HINDI is the national language. Couple of years ago while traveling in India a HINDU person tried to talk to my daughter in HINDI and she didn't understand a word of it. This older person tried to convince me that it's our mother tongue. My answer was she is American and her mother tongue is English. Inside i was laughing. I guess when you deprive a person of one's personal choices then they turn extreme like me. I was lucky enough to be raised in GURSIKH family and on top of that 80's 90's incidents - the inner fear that government is trying to finish us. We made up our mind - not to live in India. And the first thing we did was give our Indian Citizenship.
There were numerous incidents in India to convince me not to like it.


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## dushanka (Apr 4, 2011)

Sat Sri Akal -Ji 

All in all you are right just about Hindi language i am thinking a bit  different way ... 
See i am born in Yugoslavia it is Serbia today , we had simmilar problems there and trough whole history Serbian people had to deffend themselfs  like the Sikhs from all kind of enemies . My own family has lost a lot in Punjab in 1984  and in Serbia trough the last  century . To come back on the language even myself because have not groven up in India do not talk Hindi ( now i understand a lot of it ) also not Punjabi . Punjabi even in my age i want to learn and i am working on it . My grandfather was always talking to us kids, if you want to be able to deffend yourself from the enemy you have to know their language because only then they can not fool you and whatever they talk and think that you are not understanding they will be the fools. Sorry for my maybe not 100% correct english but i hope very much that you have understood me.
I especially feel sorry for those  which are in mixed marriages they pretend to showlike they are happy but what i have seen with own eyes in last 2 years when i have lived in India i don't think that they are really happy . The Sikhi part suffers always somehow ...


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## Kookar Guru da (Apr 5, 2011)

Vahiguru Jee Ka Khalsa
Vahiguru Jee Kee Fateh!

I thank my brothers and sisters for their extremely helpful comments. Mai Harinder Kaur Jee, your reply was very moving. One thing that comes into my mind is that if you, after all you have been through, have come to the conclusion that it's no good harbouring ill-will to Hindus, then why should I? I personally have no relative or friend that was affected by this. I feel the communal wound that is so well expressed in http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/columns/Harsh_Mander/article1573887.ece

Reading through the replies, the consensus seems to be that keeping this ill-will in the heart only makes me suffer. It does nothing positive to help the victims. HS Phoolka is a great hero for all the efforts he has made to seek redress. But, despite his efforts, the cold facts are that he has achieved nothing. The Indian Government and the Indian Courts have delivered precisely zilch in justice to the Sikhs.

So my questions are:

1. Why should one try to feel more positive? I do agree that feeling negative all the time serves no useful purpose by itself. But Guru Gobind Singh said "Jabhe baan laagio, tabhe ros jaagio" - "When the arrow strikes, the outrage is awoken". In other words, when bad is done to us, we feel the pain of it and then we feel outraged, and then we move to action.

2. What should this action be? Do we continue forever with the vain attempts to get justice for victims? Even the great HS Phoolka could get nothing for them. Twenty-seven years have passed and nothing has happened. Do we keep highlighting the use of torture by India, knowing that nothing will happen? In terms of results, nothing has happened.

- Kookar Guru da

Vahiguru Jee Ka Khalsa
Vahiguru Jee Kee Fateh!


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## dushanka (Apr 5, 2011)

Sat Sri Akal -Ji ,

During my 2 years continouse  stay in India i have noticed a very important thing 
for us Sikhs ... The Hindus are the most ignorant nation i ever met . 
Whatever they tell you they will do they just pretend to be friendly to impress 
you when it comes to real action they will excuse that or this has happend ... bla bla bla and the best sentence is ,,come  tomorrow " all will get done .... just BIG question is 
which tomorrow ? Which year ? Century ? in which life??? That's why i do not trust most of the Hindus and that's why  i have decided to go back and as long as nothing has been cleared or changed  i will only visit Punjab rest of the country i do not care . 
Wish you all the best ...
D.K. S


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## spnadmin (Apr 5, 2011)

Kookar Gur Da

Please refer to the many threads at SPN where Sikhs for Justice under the leadership of Phoolka and Pannum have made great progress in their search for justice under US Law for foreigners who have suffered human rights abuses in other countries. 





> The lawsuit against Kamal Nath has been filed under both the ALIEN TORT CLAIMS ACT (ATCA) AND THE TORTURE VICTIM PROTECTION ACT (TVPA) due to the failure of the Indian government to enforce human rights protections and hold violators accountable. The U.S. Court will now issue its judgment based on the submissions of the plaintiff “Sikhs for Justice”.



Here is one link. There are dozens like this at SPN. Please check the 1984 Sikh Genocide section of the forum under Sikh History.

http://www.sikhphilosophy.net/1984-anti-sikh-pogrom/34300-1984-riots-kamal-nath-may-face.html

You can also see the Sikhs for Justice web site which has full coverage of actions both in India and the US against Jagdish Tytle, Kamal Nath, and others. Here is the complete list of news articles that cover court action against Kamal Nath.

http://www.sikhsforjustice.org/?q=content/kamal-nath


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## Ambarsaria (Apr 5, 2011)

Kookar Guru da ji extremely well written thread start.  Thank you.

Many many years ago when the wounds and disgust about 1984 was fresh, we went for a peaceful demonstration at the Indian Consulate.  There were old, young and in between.  We parked our cars way away from the building and then walked to the consulate.

When we came back, all our cars were smashed with eggs!  This is Canada!

The miscreants who did this obviously were acting with impunity.

I 100% agree with you that if the hurt and mis-treatment of Sikhs has not even partially "blackened" their hearts against Hindus, they are forgetting history and denying the future direction of so called secular and democratic India to be "Hindu, Hindi, Hindustan".

I know generalizations are bad but this was a gross event and voices of compassion from the Hindu community and leaders were far and few and at times none from where it mattered.

Sat Sri Akal


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## Kookar Guru da (Apr 5, 2011)

Vahiguru Jee Ka Khalsa
Vahiguru Jee Kee Fateh!

spnadmin Jee, thank you for those links to the various efforts to get justice for the victims of 1984 and thereafter. I am quite familiar with these efforts, as well as ones like http://www.ensaaf.org/docs/khalravideo.php

Noble and excellent though all these efforts have been - to the point of lives being lost in some cases - I am not aware that any of these actions have actually delivered anything of substance. Yes, they have gathered facts and evidence. Yes, they have created a narrative. Yes, they have increased awareness of these issues to a limited extent. But they have not been able to get anything concrete.

Has anyone gone jail? No.
Has anyone even been arrested? No.
Has there been any meaningful compensation? No.
Has the Indian state apologised? Never.

This is not the fault of those like HS Phoolka. It is because they have been dealing with Indian courts which are in that place they call India. Justice will never be attained by asking India for it.

The very recent case against Kamal Nath and the Indian Congress Party in the US Courts is a different matter. My fervent prayer is that we shall finally see these butchers brought to justice. But my prediction (I hope I'm wrong!) is that nothing will happen. Nath will be given diplomatic immunity or some other way will be found by India to protect him and its ruling party.

- Kookar Guru da

Vahiguru Jee Ka Khalsa
Vahiguru Jee Kee Fateh!


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## spnadmin (Apr 5, 2011)

It is too soon to pass judgment on the efforts of Sikhs for Justice. As we communicate together a judge in New York is in pre-trial conferencing. The trial that follows will determine compensation. Since Kamal Nath ignored an earlier summons to appear in Court, he has essentially conceded his guilt in the eyes of the court by default. What remains now is to determine the punishment in monetary terms. The entire matter of bringing Kamal Nath to a US court only began last year.



> The very recent case against Kamal Nath and the Indian Congress Party in the US Courts is a different matter. My fervent prayer is that we shall finally see these butchers brought to justice. But my prediction (I hope I'm wrong!) is that nothing will happen. Nath will be given diplomatic immunity or some other way will be found by India to protect him and its ruling party.



Diplomatic immunity is not an option at this time, and the court has not seen fit to grant it. In fact the judge has issued papers that Nath can be arrested on sight by the police. The Congress Party has now been summoned to appear before the same judge, to explain its involvement in the genocide. This happened only this week. I would not give up on this case. Of course everyone is entitled to appeal and that takes time.


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## dushanka (Apr 5, 2011)

Great News !!! Maybe all our patience will not be useless...


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## Gyani Jarnail Singh (Apr 5, 2011)

Patience is always rewarded..and never uselsess...

Recently a prominent  descendant of the Mughal Emperor Aurengzeb paid her obescience at darbar sahib and Akal takhat and begged forgiveness from the Sikh nation for the excesses commited by her ancestors the Mughals against the Sikh Gurus, Sikhs and all...and this apology came 300 years after the events..and unexpectedly as well because the Mughal Govt is no more..and has been no more for the past 200 years...a person so far removed from those who actually comitted the tyranny felt the need to personally apologise....reveals something doesnt it...?? TRUTH never gets OLD or dirty...


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Apr 5, 2011)

spnadmin said:


> It is too soon to pass judgment on the efforts of Sikhs for Justice. As we communicate together a judge in New York is in pre-trial conferencing. The trial that follows will determine compensation. Since Kamal Nath ignored an earlier summons to appear in Court, he has essentially conceded his guilt in the eyes of the court by default. What remains now is to determine the punishment in monetary terms. The entire matter of bringing Kamal Nath to a US court only began last year.
> 
> 
> 
> Diplomatic immunity is not an option at this time, and the court has not seen fit to grant it. In fact the judge has issued papers that Nath can be arrested on sight by the police. The Congress Party has now been summoned to appear before the same judge, to explain its involvement in the genocide. This happened only this week. I would not give up on this case. Of course everyone is entitled to appeal and that takes time.



I can't say much except GO, SIKHS FOR JUSTICE! cheerleader cheerleader cheerleader


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## Randip Singh (Apr 8, 2011)

Mai Harinder Kaur said:


> Dear Kookar Guru da ji,
> 
> This is a particularly difficult subject for me and one I am not proud of.  I still have a long way to go.
> 
> ...



I have been moved to tears by this response. 

I really do feel for your loss and the exemplar spirit you have displayed. I don't think I would be as strong to handle events with such courage.


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## Ambarsaria (Apr 8, 2011)

Randip Singh ji your sentiments shared totally.  I wish I was there myself and survived or not with Mai Harinder Kaur ji's family.  I also know many wish the same.  Pain of one Sikh is pain for all Sikhs.

Sat Sri Akal.


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Apr 8, 2011)

Randip Singh said:


> I have been moved to tears by this response.
> 
> I really do feel for your loss and the exemplar spirit you have displayed. I don't think I would be as strong to handle events with such courage.




Randip Singh ji,

Thank you. I try to tell the truth as I see it.

I think I need to be writing more cheerful things.  I really work hard at remaining in chardi kala, one of the most pleasant Sikh obligations.

You never know how you will react in any situation until you are actually in it.  You might be pleasantly surprised at what you could do if it's necessary.


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## dushanka (Apr 8, 2011)

Well said Mai-Ji ,

we always react unexpected strong  in certain situations ( especially women & girls)


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## Kookar Guru da (Apr 9, 2011)

Vahiguru Jee Ka Khalsa
Vahiguru Jee Kee Fateh!

Dushanka Jee

I think your comment requires elaboration, particularly the bit in brackets.

- Kookar Guru da

Vahiguru Jee Ka Khalsa
Vahiguru Jee Kee Fateh!


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## dushanka (Apr 11, 2011)

Vahiguru Jee Ka Khalsa,

Vahiguru Jee Kee Fateh!

Kookar Guru da 

I will try to explain what i have meant but i am sorry for my not 100% English , 
I have meant that in 1984 it was requiered for every Sikh to restore the life even almost the lifes from all survivors was ( and today  still is) full with sorrow and pain . 
To come on the point especially women and young girls had to bear verry much untill today , like Mai - Ji has  mentioned  how many widdows  are there which had to raise their small children and to see how to manage the life from zero again. What i wanted to say is that somehow in most difficult situations  trough their lifes  women have always responded bravely ,  reacted the best way by taking best decisions and choosing best options they could according to the situation. Mostly there was no time to mourn and no time for own feelings of pain, own sadness , there was only the worry for children . The women have not planed their lifes that way and they have not expected the worse things to happen but they have  responded the bravest way . They have developed biggest bravery  in worsest and sadest moments of their lifes .  My biggest respect to all of them . 
animatedkhanda1
Sat Sri Akal ..


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## P0TTER (Aug 25, 2011)

:motherlylove:  I am a Christian & English, so I obviously cannot empathise with how Sikhs feel toward Hindus in India... especially how the bereaved feel towards those Hindu thugs that killed so many loved ones in the 1984 pogrom. 
I do not know much about the atrocities that have obviously devastated so many families and have left so many wounded hearts and minds. I do not want to offer sympathy either, because it changes nothing.
I am a wife, mother and grandmother and fortunately have never had to endure the pain of those writing their history in earlier posts - my heart goes out to you as I listen and try to comprehend what you have been through and I wonder if I had endured such tragedy whether I would feel the same; whether I would be consumed by regret when thinking about how things could have been... how they should have been.
How can we begin to forgive when justice has not been seen to be done... without justice surely there can be no closure?
Plus it seems impossible to put the past behind you, for to do so would seem to ignore what happened and that would be disrespectful to those that died... so to forget can lead to feelings of guilt and shame.
Carrying the huge burden of such dreadful memories, can lead to bitterness and resentment which only compounds the problem and hurts ourselves... which is not what our loved ones would want for us - is it? 
So what can one do?
You say... "Sikhi emphasizes the concept of justice and I hold myself out as a Sikh. There is no justice in holding resentments toward people who are innocent. Aside from the immorality of it, it saps my strength and prevents me from feeling joy."
Looking deeper, it is apparent that the Love you have for your family has brought you such joy... & such pain. Love is said to bear all things and endure all things. 
There is an old proverb that says... 
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.
I hope you don't mind me sharing my thoughts when I have such little knowledge of this dreadful history you have endured; I pray that you will experience healing and hope that my words will help to bring some comfort.


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Aug 25, 2011)

Hi, Potter ji!

I love what you say. Only a couple things I disagree with.  You say 





> I am a Christian & English, so I obviously cannot empathise with how Sikhs feel toward Hindus in India...



Reading what you have written, you clearly do empathise with us, in fact. more so than some Sikhs, who close their eyes and refuse to look closely at what happened.  I do not blame them.  I might have done the same had I not been directly involved.   Do you remember the lines from the old song

What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget​
We simply must not let this happen among Sikhs.  Remembering not only honours our dead;  it helps to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

You also said



> I do not want to offer sympathy either, because it changes nothing.




You have no idea how much the caring of another human being really does change things!  I can't explain, but it really does.

I have had 27 years to think about these things and not a day has gone by that there is not some remembrance.  I did love my family very much.  I still do.  Was it worth it?  Does the joy exceed the pain.  I remember asking Mani that question as he was dying.  His response was unequivocal:  "Yes!  Hell, yes!"  I remember what Theodore Geisel (Dr. Seuss) said:   'Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.'

And then that great Garth Brooks song. The Dance.  "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."

I like music.  It reaches me.  Please let me share it with you now and I'll go...

They don't have it by Garth, but this cover is pretty good.

"The Dance" Garth Brooks      - YouTube


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## Harry Haller (Aug 26, 2011)

Maiji, 

Your account also moved me, it shames me hugely, sometimes we as people forget just how lucky we all are, and how small our problems really are, I read your blog some time back, and remarked how funny it was, I have a vivid imagination, and every time I saw a post from you, I inwardly chuckled, at the thought of your Mani covered in goat milk, I was aware you suffered in 84, but had no idea, no idea, just how much, 

I think the lack of bitterness and the acceptance you have shown is a beacon to all that if your heart is not black, then no one has the right to a black heart. 

As for the Hindu thugs and mobs, they do just as bad to their own, these people were not Hindus, just thugs

we really do not know how thin the ice is under us do we

I always thought I had led an interesting and exciting life, your life, your actions, and the way you have conducted yourself is really in the manner of a daughter of Guru Gobind Singh ji, 

Reading your post makes me acutely aware of what is important in this world, through misty eyes, I thank you for sharing it with us, and pray you never cease being in chardi kala


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Aug 26, 2011)

Harry ji,

If you read my posts about my life carefully, you will notice something a bit odd.  Up until about 1986, there are many posts, many stories.  Then an almost stoney silence about the years 1986-2006.  If you knew of my life during those years, you might well revise your statement, 

"I always thought I had led an interesting and exciting life, your life, 
your actions, and the way you have conducted yourself 
is really in the manner of a daughter of Guru Gobind Singh ji."​
I did, in fact, renounce Guru Gobind Singh ji, the Sikh way of life and everything connected to it.  Do you remember the old Billy Joel song, "My Life"?  I sang that to Guru Gobind Singh ji and then told him to "go away and leave me alone!"  At the time, I thought he had done as I asked and released me.  Little did I realise that I was walking around headless, that he had refused to give my head back to me.  (Yes, it's fine to laugh at that;  it's a funny picture.)   Sort of like Mike, The Headless Chicken, I would not have survived had not someone been feeding me with an eyedropper.  

Headless Chicken Lives      - YouTube


See Also, Mike, The Headess Chicken.  



In fact, I had to die and have a bizarre NDE before I could really return.  Perhaps someday, I'll write more of those years, but to write is to relive and I'm not ready for that.  There was nothing heroic or funny about those years, just year after year of anger, bitterness, hatred, pain, interspersed with the complete madness of PTSD.  

Please do not think I am what I am not.  I had one shining, golden moment of heroic glory.  Like those few astronauts, I walked on the moon.  Then I crashed into the earth.  I am merely a normal Sikh woman - if there is any such thing - who had some extraordinary experiences.

And, btw, if I ever wrote a book about Mani and me, I think I'd call it "Mostly We Laughed."  As Dr. Seuss said, "_Don't cry because it's over;  smile because it happened."_


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## Harry Haller (Aug 26, 2011)

Sorry Maiji, 

I disagree completely, I had a similar experience, but what let me to mine was quite simply bankruptcy and the breakdown of a relationship, mere crumbs of your suffering, I reacted much the same way you did, complete rejection of Waheguru, I now feel like, what I went through and how I dealt with it, completely shames me compared to your courage, dignity and attempt to move on. You remind me very much of my own mother, who is also another 'normal' sikh woman. 

Your account reminds me very much of the footsteps 

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

I would like to thank for your sharing that very sad story, I assure you that you stand as a beacon of sikhi for me, and for many others by the way that you have ultimately dealt with life's cards, I have not been through 1% of what you have, yet i thought i was worldly wise , when in fact I have no idea what some people have to go through, and do not appreciate the things that are really important


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## Mai Harinder Kaur (Aug 26, 2011)

Harry ji,

I hope you watched Mike The Headless Chicken.  There is a deep, meaningful lesson to be learned there.  I'm not sure what it is, but it must be there somewhere!


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## Harry Haller (Aug 26, 2011)

Maiji, 

crumbs  you could write a book about all the potential meaningful lessons to be learned from mikeji, 

I like yours best, when we lose our heads, Guruji is there to drip feed us


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## Searching (Aug 26, 2011)

I live in India. Am very good friends with both Hindus and Sikhs. An average Hindu has nothing against Sikhs. One can see many Hindus visiting Gurudwara Sahib. Bangla Sahib in Delhi is frequented by all kinds of people all of the time.

It is true that there was a wave of anger among some people against Sikhs in 1984. Though it should have been only against the those who they deemed culprits but thats how some people are. Moreover inflammatory speeches by politicians did not help.
I was too young to remember anything but will share an incident told to me by my assistant.

He told me that that in his village in Haryana only one Sikh family lived at that time.
When the mob found him alone coming back from work they cornered him. He tried to fight but was over powered eventually and was burned to death by putting a burning tyre around his neck.
But his family (wife and daughter)  was saved by a rich and powerful man of that village to whom the Sikh family was tenant. 

Now tell me, are Hindus bad or good?

Another thing that was mentioned to me by my assistant was that there was a lot of rioting. 
Even his father was involved in it (who mainly focused on liquor). Not to hurt anyone but to simply loot shops, shops owned by anyone, Hindu, Sikh, Muslim.


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